Does this make me less Muslim??

Salaam everyone...

I have come to a cross road of sorts. I find myself at a place in my life where I am at peace with myself and God.  I am not an extremist, I hold some of my same view points as life before Islam and I do not believe that all Jewish people are the devil.  I do, however, still think that Iran is crazy.  This will never change.

I rejoice at the death of a mad man, cry at the devastation in Palestine.  I can do both.

I love America, the flag and will teach my child the Pledge of Allegiance and all about American History.  Will he learn about Islamic history and teachings, yes.  He can do both.

I pray 5 times a day.  On time?  No, I do my best but I am not perfect. Fajir prayer is my test. I cover my hair, wear abaya and do my best to always speak with a kind tongue.  I say Bismillah before I eat, and Alhamduliliah when I am done.  I pray for my family, fellow Muslims and mankind in general.  I do not agree with some of the extreme views of the Salafi just as I do not believe in extreme Christianity.

I mix with men at my job, drive a car, go shopping by myself, pay for house hold things, yell at my husband, watch tv, surf the internet and day dream about how my life used to be and how good a Strawberry Margarita used to taste on a hot July afternoon.

Does this make me less of a Muslim?  When I was a Christian, I went to Church on Holidays, if that.  That was it.  I believed in God and called myself a Believer.  No one doubted that.

Now, I do not attend the Quran classes, or gossip at the ladies section and I am considered less than them.

I learn on my own, I read.  I live my life as a good person. No one taught me the Surahs I know.  No one taught me how to pray, fast, give to charity or read the Quran during Ramadan.  I learned all of these basic things on my own...Alhamdulillah! I do good deeds.  If I see a migrant worker digging in the trash, I give him money... water, and a smile.  The women attending these "ladies sessions" would not dare to do that.  But they are better than me?!

My child will grow up knowing diversity.  He will not hate the Christians or the Jews.  He will understand he is a Muslim but will love all of Gods children.

I may not cover my face anymore, wear gloves or say prayers before doing day to day things but are you better than me?  Are you more of a Muslim in front of Allah because you go to a weekly class?

I think not.

Can you see me now??

Salaam everyone!!

I pray everyone is doing well.  I am adjusting to this whole new world of being pregnant.  From craving corn, swelling, and gaining weight.  It's quite the experience and I love how my "bump" is getting bigger every day, Mashallah!

So, since I am pregnant and live where the average temp is about 120 degrees, lets just say that I can hardly breath.  The asthma I have doesn't help much either.  So, I have decided to take it off.............The Niqaab that is!  I can not take that thing hanging over my face any more.  I freak out on it! LOOL  I have agreed to still wear it at the family house when my brother in law is around but for going out in the nasty heat... NO WAY!

Sooo, my husband and I went the the Cinema last night.  (Limitless, good movie)  We met up with his two sisters and her husband.  This was the first time he has seen my face since I married my husband over a year ago.  He looked.  Looked some more.  ( Coming from a Scandinavian back ground, I am the furthest from Arab you can get).  I never made eye contact with him one time but I could tell he was looking and by the way my husband was shoving me behind him, I knew he noticed as well.  The minute we get in the car I hear it.  "How dare he!  Someone needs to tell him!"  yada yada yada  He immediately grabs the phone to shout at his brother in law.  I freak out because there is going to be a scene and then I get the lecture how things are "different" here in the Gulf.  Really?  You mean I am not in Kansas anymore?? Sheesh!  Thanks for letting me know!

I do not get it.  Why can't they lower their gaze??  Why do I have to suffer in the heat because they are a bunch of freaky, sex crazed men that can't keep their eyes to themselves?  This is the problem I have about making something taboo.  It's human nature to want what you cant have, what people tell you is forbidden to you makes you want it all the more.  This is caused by keeping everyone and everything segregated.  Men and women do not know how to act around each other because they NEVER ARE AROUND ONE ANOTHER!  It just pisses me off that there is no accountability for these men.  Women are just told they need to cover up more.  What??!  It is 120 degrees, I am wearing clothes, an abaya, under scarf and a shayla.  Meanwhile, the men run about in a t shirt and shorts!!!  PUHHH Leeez!

I wish I would have never put on that stupid ninja mask because now I am doomed to stay in it for all eternity.   All because I look "different" and heaven forbid someone look at me, or worse yet, not be able to lower their gaze!  Is this Islam?  I do not understand.

Remember in the 70's when the womens movement swept through the Country and everyone was burning their bras??  I say we do that with the Niqqab...better yet.  Let's all say we cant control our urges because the men are so sexy and guilt them into wearing it!  Lets see how long it will last when they have to learn to breath in the summer heat with that thing hanging over their face!

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGG!