Today I pose a question for you. Women traveling alone, without her mahram. Is this acceptable in todays society? How about in case of dire emergency? Should a woman be able to travel to see a sick relative or attend a funeral without her husband having to accompany her?
I am so angry and frustrated as I sit here and wait for my husband to get leave so I can go see my mother in the United States. She is very ill and in ICU. When I first got the call she was in serious condition. She is stable now, but still not out of the woods. I was supposed to go last Monday but now am forced to wait as my husband can not travel with me for another few days. I have already taken off from work.
I am 34 years old. I have been on my own in life since the age of 17. I was married before for 13 years. I have traveled MANY times on my own and can take care of myself.
Have any of you encountered this?
I honestly feel like grabbing my passport and going. I never thought I would be in this situation. Helplessness. I want to grab my passport and run. I just may.
Thank you Amal for your comment. I am sorry for not posting it but you mentioned where I live. As for my mother, yes, InshaAllah she will be ok. As for it being a law where I live not to travel alone...No, I can travel alone. It's not Saudi, and even if it was I have an American passport. The issue here is Islamic Law. It clearly states that women should not travel alone. She should be with a Mahram...husband, father or brother...etc.
ReplyDelete*big sigh.....so I wait
Honestly, Im not sure what to say =( I completely understand where your coming from. If one of my parents were ill, id have a very difficult time dealing with not being able to travel just because its "islamic law". My husband is ok with me traveling on my own, and most likely my daughter and I will have to travel back to the states in the summer since he is unable to take off time from work. If your husband is ok with you leaving to see your sick parent, does he really need permission from the government for you to travel? What would happen if you traveled anyway? Would they not allow you back in the country?
ReplyDeleteThere is no issue with the Government. I can come and go as I see fit. The issue is my husband. He does not want me to travel alone.
ReplyDeleteI think he would divorce me before he let me travel alone.
Sister you should research further. I've been told that if its not an overnight journey then its ok and if it means that you are on a direct flight with a Mahrum waiting on the other end its ok. Do look it up and show it to you husband, but first make Istikara about taking this trip and make dua to Allah (SWT) to soften your husband's heart for you. If you desire to ask your mother to come to Islaam, tell your husband that if making this journey is not wrong and if you should accomplish this then Insha'Allah Allah (SWT) will reward him for his role in this venture.
ReplyDeleteTell him you understand his concerns but you are afraid for your mother.
May Allah make it easy for you, do Istikara so Insha'Allah whatever happens you will be reassured it is happening only by Allah's Will.
Oh, thats a very difficult situation then. On the one hand, if he doesnt let you travel and god forbid something happens to your mom, I wonder if you will be able to look at him the same? Knowing he prevented you from traveiling to see your mom knowing she was sick. On the other hand I do understand where hes coming from, it is required for a woman to travel with a mahram,but..... What if you got a direct flight and had a family member pick you up from the airport? And then your husband could join yo uwhen he is able to get off work. Does he realize how critical your moms condition is? Maybe you could have a heart to heart with him and make him see your side.... Imagine it was his mom and he was unable to travel to see her because yo udidnt want him to travel...How would he feel? Hang in there hun, inshaAllah things will work itself out and he will either let you travel by yourself or be able to come with you asap!!!
ReplyDeleteI have much to say about this (man made rule) of women not traveling alone. But will keep quiet and wish you and your mother health, wellness and safety.
ReplyDeleteSalam,
ReplyDeleteI sorry and I hope that I don't overstep my boundary as a friend. I understand under Islamic law we cannot travel on our own. I have heard though that as long as you have permission from you're husband, son, wali then you can. I believe you're husband should let you go especially if the government can not stop you. This is a dire situation its not like you are going on vacation.
My advice to you is look into you're heart and pray to Allah. I know we should as woman stand along side our husbands but our husbands should also stand along side us their wives.
Mothers and fathers are precious to us regardless of our age or where we are in life. If they need us then we should be able to have the support of our spouses to go to them if we have the means and resources to do so...
Please forgive me Allah if I have spoken out of turn and Daisy please forgive me if I have given you any wrong advice...
I know how it is for a parent to be going through something that you can't physically be there.. I was in the military at the time and they refused to let me go fortunately my mother made it through...
Insha'Allah your husband will get guidance from Allah and let you go see you're mother. I have you and your family in my dua's my friend.
Liza
Yes, this is Islam and al hamdu l'Illah your husband takes it seriously. Although you can see one side of this, should anything go wrong and your plane be diverted, you would be left somewhere without him and he is your appointed protector and guardian in this life. I have often considered how it can be an inconvenience, but subhaan Allah, it is in place for good reasons and Allah's laws are perfect. It doesn't really change anything if you're used to being independent for years, I too was. However, you can see how seriously he takes his responsibility to you and his duty as he is making urgent arrangements to take you there. You will feel so much better having him there as a support and a voice of comfort and reason while visiting your mother and family. It's not an easy thing, especially for a new Muslim. I'm just waiting to hear once you return how right it was that he was there with you and for you.
ReplyDeleteJust a little patience...Allah's plan and timing are always perfect.
I am so sorry to hear about your mother. May Allah cure her.
ReplyDeleteI guess about the only thing you can do is be patient as hard as that is! This is the decree of Allah. And just expect a reward for obeying Allah and your husband. Hang in there!
Salams sister I'm sorry to hear about your mom's health. May Allah bless her with healing. I know it must be very difficult right now. My husband is also very strict when it comes to traveling. I usually only travel with him, or my father, or brothers. This is a more serious situation though, because your mom is in such serious condition. It seems maybe their can be more leeway because of the situation. Is it possible you can ask him to just meet you over there? Or do you have a brother, or your dad that can meet you when your flight gets in?? Islam is not so rigid of a religion. This seems like a situation to allow for an excuse. Allah knows best, forgive me if I'm incorrect on anything.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to ask, your husband is ok with you working but not traveling without a mahram? I think in todays society its almost impossible to travel with a mahram everywhere! Majority of the muslims I know go to school by themselves or travel to work by themselves. Its very inconvienent to always depend on a brother, father or husband to drive us around... Also, how would we go to the market, masjid, friends houses etc if we are always waiting for our husbands to chaufer us around! Maybe you could talk to your husband and ask him why hes ok with you working with men but not traveling to your home country to visit your sick mom? I really find this unfair! I really hope he comes around because I think if I was in a similar situation I would hold a grudge against my husband for not allowing me to travel. By the way, if he were to divorce you for traveling to see your sick mom, I honestly feel this is the worst thing he could do! Divorce is not something one should take lightly, and to divorce you because you went to see your mom who is in critical condition really shows a lot about his character as a muslim!
ReplyDeleteAwe hugs sweetie, I have never been in this traveling situation but i have close friends who have.And it is very difficult. Whatever decisions you make I pray you find some happiness and peace in it. May Allah bless you with a safe trip and inshallah your mother will regain good health. Will be making dua for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteenshallah your Mom will be ok as soon as possible
ReplyDeleteI hope your mom gets better. I will keep her in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThanks to you all for the comments. Sorry it has taken a while for me to respond.
ReplyDeleteYes, my mother is doing better. She is still in ICU and inshallah, we will be traveling in a few days.
A couple of questions I wanted to address... As for me being able to work(with men) but not travel. Sometimes this is confusing to me too. The reason I "am allowed" (for lack of a better term) is that I work only 15 min from my home. My job is Islamic Investment, which I deal with trust worthy men, Sheikhs and high position people. I never stay over night....lol
When I mentioned that if I go, my husband would divorce me, what I meant by that is if I just got up and left, which is what I was tempted to do. I am sure if I did that, he would. That would not be a good situation.
AFSW brought up a good point that women not traveling is a man made law. I looked and looked in the Quran for a surah or something that says women cant travel alone and I could not find anything. Can someone clear this up for me??
My husband has said to me that if we lived in the USA he would have had no problem with me going. A 2 to 3 hour plane ride is a nothing in comparison to the 28 hours of travel that I would have to do to get to the States. When I traveled alone before, I was not with hijab. I am fully covered now. I think that scares him that I would be alone and someone would harass me.
Thanks again for all of your support and prayers... I will keep you all posted
Salam alaykum sis,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about your mum, may Allah make things easy for you, ameen. I understand completely what you mean when you say that you've travelled many times on your own and can take care of yourself. I, too, have done the same (working all over the world looking after my own affairs). One thing I know and somthing that I have faith in, is that if you live your life by Islam that everything will be good and Allah will protect you. Sometimes we can't reason out the rules of Islam, but take comfort in the knowledge that Allah knows best. He made us and knows what is good for us.
Take care, sis and inshaAllah it will all work out for the best.
:)