Friday, November 19, 2010
Salaam Blogger world! I am back...lol
It's been a while I know. I just got back from my trip to the United States. It went very well I am pleased to say. My husband is glad he is back home safe and not in some "Muslim detainment camp" which he was very afraid of...haha Poor guy...
Anyways...I think I am now in an Identity crisis. I am struggling with my new found religion(Islam) on a day to day basis. Too many of "do this, don't do that" I hate to say it but I am in a period of extreme doubt. It is really hard for me to separate religion with culture, especially here in the middle east. While in the states I observed hijab at all times. Baggy clothes and my hair was always covered. As soon as the plane lands here in the Middle East, back on the abaya and niqab and the use of my "Muslim name". Hmm...sounds hypicritcal to me.
I am frustrated, confused and feel as if I have lost my identity. Why is it so hard to be an American Muslim here in the Middle east? Why is it ok to be this way one day but not the next?
There are too many rules and obligations I have to follow here. I don't like it, and I am feeling as though I need to go find myself again. Let my dear husband find his "trophy Muslim wife" that will allow him 4 wives and find happiness within myself again.
I believe in Islam but I think the weight of the scale is not tipped in my direction. It truly is a mans world here. I want to be able to practice my religion and live my life at the same time!
I am torn between what my life was like before Islam. Honestly.... I miss it. Who am I now? American or Arab? When I went to the States I felt like I was home. People were friendly, speaking to you..it was a nice change from the coldness I get here.
God help me and help us all...