Hugs and Facials...

Salaam Blogger World...

So my night ended pretty good last night.  Ended up going and getting an AMAZING facial with my sister in law!  Wow...thats another good perk of living in the Middle East...there are Spas everywhere and you can get just about everything done for a very good price....LOVE IT!!

Came home...and crawled into bed and the next thing I know is I am getting the Biggest bear hug in the world from my husband...ALHAMDULLIAH!!  I love his so much and just little things like this mean the world to me..  He told me he loves me so much and thinks of me all the time.  He never wants to see me sad and that we have one life and who knows what tomorrow will bring, so be happy!  He told me I am all his, there is no one else....so why be sad?

You know what?  He is right!

So my crappy day turned out good....No more polly pissy pants...(My ex husband used to call me that..haha)

The reason I turned down lunch

Salaam Blogger world...

Another post today...wowow...haha  I have a lot to say I guess.

Zain, here is my issue.  I do not like to go to my husbands family home for gatherings.  The thought makes my stomach turn and I start to get pissy.  It's not that I don't love my mother in law or his family, I do.  They are sweet and kind and have accepted me into their family.....Alhamdulillah!  My issue is this....SEGREGATION!  I can not stand it and will NEVER accept this aspect of Islam.  I cant understand why I can not eat with my husband.  Why must I remain fully covered (including niqaab) when I go there?  I will tell you.  His brother lives there with his wife and family.  I, and his wife, are not allowed to uncover in front of the brothers.  So, when I go there, I spend the day in my abaya, clothes under the abaya, under scarf hair cover, hijab and niqaab and black stockings.  To say the least, I am hot and uncomfortable.  Add to the fact that I do not speak fluent Arabic and that is what the conversation is.  So I understand bits and pieces.  The brothers in one room and the women and children in the other room.  Mind you, I am still fully covered.  I do get to lift up the niqaab while eating.......that's it.

I cant stand it.  This is where I have a hard time with culture vs religion.

I miss the way my old family life was.  We all sat at ONE TABLE.  Ate, laughed, played games and were not afraid to greet one another. 

So I said, "NO".  I do not want to go.  I would rather sit here and eat my "cup of noodles" and play pogo than sit wrapped up in my "tent" for the day.

The thing is, I had my day all planned out.  I was going to do a little shopping, go for lunch, hit up the salon and maybe catch a movie.  Doing this all by myself because I have no friends here, that's for another blog.  Anyway, as I was getting ready to leave he says to me, "My mom invited us over for lunch today."...Instantly I get this gnawing in my gut like I want to scream!  "Why do you tell me this an hour before we are supposed to be there?  I made plans today."  He says, "I don't know."  Uhhhhhhhggggghhh!!!  That's when I tell him NO and decide the hell with it, I am staying home.  Not in the mood for anything now. 

Why is it like this?  I miss my friends, my family.  Why are my choices to sit in my "tarp" for the day and be ignored while people are caring on a conversation that you don't understand, or spend the day shopping and lunch by myself??!  I was always an outgoing person, full of laughter and friends.  Always doing something.  I have nothing in common with these "spoiled princesses" here.    I just would rather be by myself.  At least if I talk, I understand the conversation...haha.  If I eat at home, I don't have to be uncomfortable.

Really, I am not sure where to go from here.  Do I want to live a life of being alone?  I cant expect my husband to "entertain" me all the time. God bless him, he needs to have a life other than his wife.  I love him dearly and I know I am not the greatest, most cheerful person to be around all the time. I remember when I met him he said to me, " I cant push my culture on you."  Naive me said, "No, it's ok.  I accept it and am willing to learn".......... 

And here I am.  Smack dab in the middle of "culture" and I am the saddest I have ever been.  Hearing the Azan from my window doesn't even bring me peace.

So all of this because of a lunch invitation.............................................go figure...

**(I would pay top dollar right now to have a pack of Marlboro's delivered to my house...hahah)

Happy New Year!!

As Salaam Alaikum  Wa Rahmatullah!!!

It is the first day of  Muharram  which indicates the new year on the Muslim Calender and a day off of work for me...( Another perk of living in the Middle East)  I sit here and wonder how our year will go.  All of us.  Will my husband start his new life with another wife, will I finally have the child I so desperately want, will my good blogger friends be blessed by ALLAH(swt) and the suffering of their hearts be healed?

Will I finally beat the urge to run to the store for a pack of Marlboro's when things get rough for me?  LOOOL

I make Du'a for all of us to find the peace and happiness in our life.  I pray that all of us can get along with one another, no backbiting.  I pray for us to follow the guidance of our Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) and the commands of ALLAH(swt) and that all of us pass thru the gate to Jannah when our time comes.  I pray for all of the Muslims in the world to find safety, shelter, food and comfort.  I pray that our brothers and sisters in Palestine are one day free from oppression and tyranny... Inshallah!!  AMEEN...

How do you think your year will go?

Calm before the storm????

Salaam Alaikum Blooger World....

So as I sit here on a slow day at the office, my mind is wandering...... there has been no recent talk of a Second wife.  My summer was consumed with the topic and now, nothing.  There was a potential in Las Vegas and then again in the country I am living in.  Nothing.  Things just kind of dropped out.  I even go on his "Muslim Dating Page" and the membership has expired???.....

Ok, one of two things....Done, or hiding it from me.  After my last "freak out" session, he informed me that it is too much for me so he will just stop talking about it with me.  That was a few months ago.  When I ask him now, he just says he isnt talking to anyone and is focusing on fixing up our house. 

Now, (my mind wanders again)  when he says fixing up the house I think again, one of two things...haha  Getting it ready for my future co-wife or finally listening to my nagging. 

I am confused here.  Should I worry or be happy?

Really...if he does do this....I think I will bounce.  I was ok with it at one time but now, not so much.  My feelings have changed and I know now that this isnt for me.  I wish him all the best, but this American girl will call it a day.  Who knows, I may think differently but right now, yeah....not for me!

Nicotine....ohh how I miss you some days!!

Salaam Blogger world...

Ok, I have to admit. Quitting Smoking was good for my health. I can breath, I dont cough and hack, my teeth are white again and me and my clothes dont smell.

But..................

Ohhh how I miss it somedays! I was addicted and I guess I always will be. I miss the taste after a meal...on a break...when I am stressed...Always I guess. They say it gets easier with time. In a way. On the other hand, I think of it every day. I quit cold turkey when I moved to the middle east and became a Muslim...Alhamdullilah. I had a little slip a yr ago for about a week then quit again.

The reason I bring this up is Shisha. In the middle east it is everywhere! My husband smoked it a lot when we were first married and then stoped when I told him it made me want to smoke. Well, last night he came home smelling like shisha.

Ughhh!!! Marlboro where are you??

Yeah I know the dangers. I know its good I quit but I smoked for almost 17 yrs. In the end I was at almost 3 packs a day!! So you see, it will take a lot more years for me to get this out of my system.

God help me!!