Tuesday, December 7, 2010
The reason I turned down lunch
Another post today...wowow...haha I have a lot to say I guess.
Zain, here is my issue. I do not like to go to my husbands family home for gatherings. The thought makes my stomach turn and I start to get pissy. It's not that I don't love my mother in law or his family, I do. They are sweet and kind and have accepted me into their family.....Alhamdulillah! My issue is this....SEGREGATION! I can not stand it and will NEVER accept this aspect of Islam. I cant understand why I can not eat with my husband. Why must I remain fully covered (including niqaab) when I go there? I will tell you. His brother lives there with his wife and family. I, and his wife, are not allowed to uncover in front of the brothers. So, when I go there, I spend the day in my abaya, clothes under the abaya, under scarf hair cover, hijab and niqaab and black stockings. To say the least, I am hot and uncomfortable. Add to the fact that I do not speak fluent Arabic and that is what the conversation is. So I understand bits and pieces. The brothers in one room and the women and children in the other room. Mind you, I am still fully covered. I do get to lift up the niqaab while eating.......that's it.
I cant stand it. This is where I have a hard time with culture vs religion.
I miss the way my old family life was. We all sat at ONE TABLE. Ate, laughed, played games and were not afraid to greet one another.
So I said, "NO". I do not want to go. I would rather sit here and eat my "cup of noodles" and play pogo than sit wrapped up in my "tent" for the day.
The thing is, I had my day all planned out. I was going to do a little shopping, go for lunch, hit up the salon and maybe catch a movie. Doing this all by myself because I have no friends here, that's for another blog. Anyway, as I was getting ready to leave he says to me, "My mom invited us over for lunch today."...Instantly I get this gnawing in my gut like I want to scream! "Why do you tell me this an hour before we are supposed to be there? I made plans today." He says, "I don't know." Uhhhhhhhggggghhh!!! That's when I tell him NO and decide the hell with it, I am staying home. Not in the mood for anything now.
Why is it like this? I miss my friends, my family. Why are my choices to sit in my "tarp" for the day and be ignored while people are caring on a conversation that you don't understand, or spend the day shopping and lunch by myself??! I was always an outgoing person, full of laughter and friends. Always doing something. I have nothing in common with these "spoiled princesses" here. I just would rather be by myself. At least if I talk, I understand the conversation...haha. If I eat at home, I don't have to be uncomfortable.
Really, I am not sure where to go from here. Do I want to live a life of being alone? I cant expect my husband to "entertain" me all the time. God bless him, he needs to have a life other than his wife. I love him dearly and I know I am not the greatest, most cheerful person to be around all the time. I remember when I met him he said to me, " I cant push my culture on you." Naive me said, "No, it's ok. I accept it and am willing to learn"..........
And here I am. Smack dab in the middle of "culture" and I am the saddest I have ever been. Hearing the Azan from my window doesn't even bring me peace.
So all of this because of a lunch invitation.............................................go figure...
**(I would pay top dollar right now to have a pack of Marlboro's delivered to my house...hahah)