It is the first day of Muharram which indicates the new year on the Muslim Calender and a day off of work for me...( Another perk of living in the Middle East) I sit here and wonder how our year will go. All of us. Will my husband start his new life with another wife, will I finally have the child I so desperately want, will my good blogger friends be blessed by ALLAH(swt) and the suffering of their hearts be healed?
Will I finally beat the urge to run to the store for a pack of Marlboro's when things get rough for me? LOOOL
I make Du'a for all of us to find the peace and happiness in our life. I pray that all of us can get along with one another, no backbiting. I pray for us to follow the guidance of our Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) and the commands of ALLAH(swt) and that all of us pass thru the gate to Jannah when our time comes. I pray for all of the Muslims in the world to find safety, shelter, food and comfort. I pray that our brothers and sisters in Palestine are one day free from oppression and tyranny... Inshallah!! AMEEN...
How do you think your year will go?
Ameen, Thumma Aameen to all you Du'aas!!!
ReplyDeleteHow do I think my year will go? well... I think nothing will change much... realistically speaking "he cannot afford another wife"! and that "Arab chick" he SO DESPERATELY wants will still want big $$$$$, or don't all of them do?! Soooo.... he'll keep doing what he's doing, and I'll keep hating all unmarried Arab women for having the nerve to communicate with my hunk-of-a-husband! OK...you can tell I'm pissed right now... Sorry for venting here, but heck, what else I'm I supposed to do?! I'm torn between love and mistrust.. and how can one 'love' that whom we don't trust?! I also want another child... yet I'm very afraid about going through another pregnancy and the added emotional stress I'll have to endure... which will ultimately affect the baby and why would I want to do that?! Yet, it's "now or never" kind of scenario... so I'm stuck!! He says he's ready... well Daaah.. men are always 'ready'.. it only takes them 5 minutes!!! Ok, Ok... let me end of by saying I hope and pray things get better... I hope I find the 'peace' I so much need... and which can only be found in Allah! Yah Rabb! :/
AMEEN Sister!!! LOL.. Yeah, I hear you with the now or never...I will be 34 next month and this clock is a ticking...haha. He is still looking hu? Well, most of the Arab women I know around here want waaaayyyy too much...sooo, he may be looking for a while! Men! Really....what do they think some days? I pray for you to find the peace in your life...
ReplyDeleteWhat do Arab women know that we don't? :-)
ReplyDeleteLOL @ Anonymous.... my guess is as good as your! :D
ReplyDeleteOn a serious note, and I've mentioned it before, my theory is that Arab women are less independent than women from the West, and they are unlikely to be able to sustain themselves financially and therefore are very dependent on their male relatives and future spouses. For them, the economic aspect of marriage is greater than for a woman from the West (who can theoretically support herself and live a single life). Therefore the emphasis on the companionship/friendship aspect is smaller than in a so-called 'Western' relationship. Which why the scenario of "Western" revert marrying Arab man could pose problematic: For the man it is a 'business transaction' of sorts, while the wife craves the emotional exclusivity that her culture has made her accustomed to... Not to mention that reverts are a 'bargain' dowry-wise...
ReplyDelete@ummhumayra...I was actually going to adress this in a furture topic but since you brought it up, I will give you my "short" opinon on your comment. I agree with you about Arab women being less independent than women from the West. They are spoinled little girls that dont have to work for a thing and get it all handed to them...most of them, not all. So yes, possiblly the WOMEN see this as a business transaction. As for my experience with my Arab husband. I was not a "bargain" dowry as you call it. I know my rights and what I am worth. Extravagant dowery??? No way. That goes against the Sunnah and the way an Islamic Marriage should be. The Prophet himself spoke of this and condemed it.....As for a revert like my self marring an Arab man becoming problematic? Hmmmm My husband and I have a very loving relationship....he is far more affectionate than me, so please dont make assumptions concerning Western Reverts and Arab Men. We are all not the same. The problem I see as being an issue is culture, not anything to do with the companionship/friendship part of the relationship.
ReplyDeletea revert is a 'bargain' compared to the extravagant dowries asked by Arab women (unless you asked for the same). And yes, extravagant dowries are unislamic.
ReplyDelete@ummhumayra...nope, I didnt want to "take him to the bank" I just wanted him, not his money. I got a nice dowrie but nothing that would come close to what some of these women want....
ReplyDeletei knew nothing about dowry when i married...my husband was told by the imam to give me SOMETHING! i won't say what it was...but i joke about it "i was the 2 dollar bride". and i agree arab marriages cost more. they need to start from scratch...kitchen cabinets, new couches ect..in jdh the rate now is like 30,000r just for the girl, starting. what is it where you're at. al-determine
ReplyDelete@al determine.... I am not sure what the "rate" is for dowry now. I do know that the girl my husband was thinking of marrying this summer wanted 2000 BD worht of Gold and 3000 BD cash. Crazy!! About $16,000.00 worth of gold and money. Mind you, this does not include the wedding and dress and honeymoon. This is just for the greedy little "arab princess" And she thought she was giving my husband a deal! sheesh! Yeah, and they wonder why their men marry western women.
ReplyDeleteyep, sounds about the same...i agree with you. so i guess they like being spinsters then...and where the hell did that word come from anyway "spinsters" dayam!? and arabs have a word or saying for everything...o.k. i shouldn't insult them, i have their kids...lol. al-determine
ReplyDelete"2 dollar bride" LOL that's funny. It's very ridiculous for women, Arab or not to ask for such extravagant dowries. Not to mention very Un-islamic. It's sad and I think maybe cultural too. I don't know of any American muslim sisters that will ask for this much. ($16,000) plus paying for a wedding and honeymoon? I think they are giving themselves too much credit. Any other woman can do the same thing they can. When Arab guys put their foot down and start refusing to pay up they will have to change their demands. Confused as to why they think they are worth so much? If Arab guys know better they would marry other races of women. I know it's not accepted in all Arab families, but it's his choice. Why not marry a sister with a simple dowry who will be righteous, kind, loving, ect. That way he still can provide for his wife after paying for the wedding, dowry, ect.
ReplyDeletei just had this thought..."just a thought" maybe arab girls ask for so much money because they don't know/love the guy they are getting married to, because one of the girl cousins wants to marry my son, and he has no job,no money,won't go to college doesn't have a pot to piss in, nada nada nada, but if someone loves you they will marry you for free..oops love. i think she likes him because he tried to make banana bread...now come on, what arab kid would do that for the family..lol al-detemine
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