I had to breath a bit after reading some blogs this morning that combine misyar and mut'ah marriage as being the same thing only under a different name.
Brothers and Sisters....please!!! THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING... Some people equate it to a form of prostitution. Hmmmm.. I think thats a stretch.
Mut'ah is a temporary marriage that can be decided in the contract to be lasting from a few hours, days to indefinite. No where in a Misyar contract does it state an end. The difference between a "normal" Islamic marriage and a Misyar is the woman forgoing of some of her rights. Such as..... time division, financial support or anything along those lines. If a woman needs to take care of her family (parents) and can not leave them but still wants the love and support of a husband, she can marry him and "forgo" her right to housing. You may say its wrong but you can not deny that all conditions are met for an Islamic Marriage. Mahr, witnesses, wali and announcement
.In a Mut'ah marriage, which had its very own marriage tent at the Shia protests here in Bahrain that came equipped with their very own Mut'ah marriage guy, they can decide on how long they would like to be married, how much money they want and how long it will take them to be "satisfied" hence deciding the length of the marriage contract. I am not sure if all Mut'ah marriage contracts are like this but this is what they had going on at the Pearl Roundabout.
My husband is married to a wonderful girl who, unfortunately, is unable to come to our country at this time. They signed the contract knowing he would not have to provide her equal time or housing at this time. When she is able to come, inshallah in a few months, then that will be null and void. She had her walli, mahr and witnesses as well as announcement. Please dont tell me this in not a valid marriage or that it is in the same category as a Mut'ah!! Give me some proof is this is what you claim.
Lets recap....
Mut'ah =temporary as defined in the contract
Misya= voluntarily giving up certain rights such as time allowance or money. NO WHERE IN THE CONTRACT IS THERE AN END DATE!!!!
I understand that in ideal situations this would not have to happen. The husband should be responsible for everything for his wife...but, I believe, that if is suits the situation and all conditions of the marriage are met, who are we to say it is wrong, prostitution, or a Mut'ah???! What about a "traditional contract" and the husband is away on business 9 months out of the year? Does that make their contract invalid? Do you claim that this is a prostitution marriage?
Opinions are wonderful, you, me and everyone are entitled to them...Mashallah! But proof is better than opinions.
I know I have touched base on this issue before but this morning it is really irritating me and I just had to let it out. loool
i dont know much about misyaar. I don't know enough to comment but from my little knowledge of marriage in Islam I still belive that whatever rights the woman is giving up she is entitled to have them back anytime she wishes as this is her prime right as a wife. I mean, if a woman needs to look after her family then masha'Allah! but then whos going to look after her? Otherwise there is no real benefit to her marriage except one thing which I think is why people point the finger and compare it to prostitution. AstaghfirAllah. May Allah swt guide us all and free us from questioning each other's morals!! Ameeen!
ReplyDeleteWa alaykum as salaam wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh.
ReplyDeleteYes, please just breathe in, out, in, out...and relax. On each occasion that my husband has taken a second wife, there has been a period of time when the second wife had to forego some rights. This was within a normal wedding contract...no misyar names or anything else. It simply happened due to circumstances. One lived 5 states away and had to give up time until she could be moved near us. The other was married but would have had to wait for a visa to come here. In this current marriage, their apartment wasn't ready yet and the protocol here is to have the wedding party first, so they waited perhaps 3 weeks before time allocation kicked in. These are just logistics, nothing to do with invalid contracts or the forbidden Mut'ah marriages.
Honestly, it can get extremely frustrating dealing with other people's ignorance...but that's what it is, ignorance.
@Sarah... Yes, exactly! But when it comes to who is looking after the wife, well, its the husband. He may not live with her 24/7 but he is looking after her. Someone is looking after her more now that she is married as opposed to when she was single. And yes, at any time the woman has every right to say, "You know what, you are coming to get me because I want my full rights,"
ReplyDelete@Mai. Yes, a normal contract. I dont understand why it needs a specific name. I read a blog today that compared this to the Mut'ah! I was sickened and shocked! YA RABB!!!
The complaints people have and the danger scholars have pointed out (Albani even forbid it) about misyar are actually not related to the things you posted about. Of course, anyone may forgo some of their rights, so long as it is understood they may reclaim those rights at any time; the things you describe are just logistics and matters of meeting everyday circumstances and the people who equate this with misyar as it's commonly practiced are misinformed. I would actually hesitate to even use the word misyar to cover what you've described, as it concerns a temporary compromise concerning rights, rather than the permanent divestment of rights that misyar usually entails.
ReplyDeleteMisyar, as practiced in most of the Gulf, usually entails the woman giving up ALL rights to maintenance. She generally continues to live with her family, has no home of her own, is not financially supported, and is very often a "secret" wife. Thus, the "husband," if you can truly call such a one a husband, visits only for sex and fulfills zero other responsibilities. Far too many men also enter misyar with the intention of divorce (Khaliji men go to Morocco or somewhere else on "vacation" and enter one of these sham misyar marriages, knowing full well they intend to dupe the woman). He basically uses the woman as a prostitute and that is why many people equate misyar with mut3a, because the only difference in most cases is that with misyar, there is no date of separation. This is why, as many scholars have pointed out, misyar may be technically legal, but is in no way moral (especially given that children born of such marriages are often abandoned).
So, what I'm trying to say is that people are confused about misyar versus true marriage wherein a few temporary compromises are made. The two things are worlds apart and should not even be compared. You're very new to the Gulf and have not yet had time to witness how misyar is practiced in reality (it ruins many, many lives, believe me), nor to understand why people oppose it. I totally get your point, that your husband isn't doing the same thing, but in your case, I don't understand why anyone would call his second marriage misyar anyway, so if anyone harasses you about it, I would just tell them it's a real marriage with a real contract and not mention misyar at all.
I personally do not like these (titles)we have come to associate marriages with. Gay, mutaa, misyar...etc.
ReplyDeleteIf you believe in the a Holey book...any Holey book, you will read about marriage. Non of the extra titles that now have come to be.
I do not like them...all of them. Not sure where the definitions of these marriages comes from now. I do not even know what makes an (expert) for them to give definitions or opinions in these discussions. Unless they are a God I guess...
Marriage is simply just that...marriage. All the bells and whistles are add ons as far as I am concerned.
Blessings dear friend
@hijabi... I would have posted your comment but I didnt quite understand why you sent me 2 examples of divorce by abstaining from sex in response to this post??? Is it because of the distance sometimes a result of the misyar marriage?? Also, it was quite long and I like to keep the comments down to at the least of a couple paragraphs. Maybe you can explain a little more, in your own words, the reasoning for the example of those particular hadiths?
ReplyDelete