Monday, January 24, 2011

Happy....Breath....Pray..God help me..

Salaam Everyone...

First of all, I want to thank AFSW woman for the advice on breathing.  Aside from almost passing out from taking  A LOT of deep breaths today, it worked good.   My shoulders dont feel quite so bad today.

I am trying really hard to stick with the positve vibe that my new blog is all about.  It's just some days you cant be that cheery. 

I feel like I am in a hole trying to claw my way out.  It seems that the world is an unfamiliar place with strange people.  I miss the old way of things, people and places that are and were familiar to me.  Will this ever pass?  Will I ever feel at "home" here in the Middle East?  Will the ghosts of my past haunt me forever?

Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of me moving here and leaving the good old USA behind.  A place I called home for 32 years is no longer my home.  My family that was there for me for the 17yrs I was with my ex I no longer speak to. Friends that I had since age 5 are gone.  My work friends whom I spent 11 hours a day with have dissapeared in the wind. There is this ache in my heart for these people that I know I can no longer speak with.  I am mad at the world that it has to be this way.  I am angry at everyone for making me choose....between Islam and my life.

During my moments like this I keep thinking of the love I have in my new family.  It will take time to build but the kindness that they have showed me make me feel ashamed that I miss the old family/friends.  I feel bad for my husband because of all the mood swings I go thru.  He watches me cry on a daily basis and he still loves me....Mashallah!  I would give anything to get out of this funk and be normal again.

4 comments:

  1. I was thinking of you when I was praying Maghrib a few days ago.. subhan'Allah. Anyway, I know what you mean about missing your home-town. When I was living in Egypt i was the happiest I ever was. Then I came back to Australia and my happiness was thrown out the window. Sounds dramatic I know, but when you miss your comfort zone, you miss it! Hun have you tried to go for more holidays to the US? Maybe you can take a holiday for a few weeks and just unwind.. stay with all your family and loved ones. You know what would be good? If you can surround yourself with things that make you feel closer to America, like fried chicken and corn bread, american clothing, American style home-ware,..

    mmmm.. I'm thinking.

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  2. Salaam Alaikum,

    Just know your not alone =) I too have been away from my family and friends for 2 years now (used to live in Michigan, now spain). I know how hard it can be picking up your stuff and moving to a new country and not knowing the language. Have you met any of the americans who are living in the middle east? I agree with sarah that it might help to surround yourself with things that remind you of home (food, clothing--worn at home, books, etc)
    Hang in there, inshaAllah things will get easier. Just take it one day at a time! Hugs!!

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  3. Salaam,

    I pray that Allah makes everything easy for you and that you feel more calmness & happiness soon inshaaAllah!!

    :-)

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