Sunday, January 23, 2011


Salaam world,

I am going to discuss what effect stress has had on me in my life.  We all have stress and we all cope differently.  I am only speaking for myself.  I am going to be honest here as I am obviously not managing it well on my own.  I need some help.

Two years ago I lost 60 lbs, quit smoking, quit my job, got a divorce, became a Mulsim, moved the the middle east, got a new job, got married.  Wheeewww....All of this in 2 years?!!!

Now...2011  .. I have gained back 40 lbs, want to quit my job, chew my nails off to nubs, my stomach burns as I feel the acid burning away my insides, my skin looks awful, my body hurts to the point of some days just standing in the shower crying.  My muscles in my neck are so tight its like i have tennis balls in there.   I can barely turn my head from side to side.  I have this impending sense of doom that lingers over me like a Thunderstorm cloud.  This feeling never really subsides.  I shout, I cry and at times I feel that I am not myself.
When I do fall asleep I do not sleep.  I toss and turn and have visions of Board Meetings and mean Arab men shouting at me to do this or do that(work).  My periods have become irregular ranging from 22 days to now 31(still waiting) and negative pregnancy.

How I cope.  I go for massage for my muscles which seems to be a slight relief.  I read the Quran which helps ease me to a degree but then I just end up with a head full of questions so I put it down.  I try to exercise but find myself saying to heck with it because by this time my stomach, back or neck is burning.

I am quitting my job which will be  A HUGE relief for me...Alhamdullilah!  This is a major source of my stress.  I cant even begin to tell you what I indure on a daily basis.  I am surprised I lasted this long.  No wonder I am a wreck.  Next, I am re enrolling in my gym.  I feel that this will be a place I can go after work to just be with me, my ipod and my treadmill.  Our new house is within walking distance so this will be good for me.

Anyone have anymore suggestions for me?  I could use some help....especially on the body pain.  It's too much...


  1. ok.. calm down.. breath, its going to be okay - Insha'Allah. We all go through phases where we feel like everything is crumbling and we just need to scream, its totally natural and as for your period.. sweety as long as it comes then thats a good sign, Masha'Allah! I usually deal with my stress by reading things that have nothing to do with anything, like cook books. LOL.Then I feel inspired to cook and that seems to lift off some weight off my shoulders. Cooking is my leisure activity but I'm sure you have a hobbie that you really enjoy.. spoil yourself with abit of shopping, go ahead.. take from the blessings that Allah has bestowed upon you, your a working woman Masha'Allah. As soon as you quit your job, talk to your huband about all this, have a deep talk with him and let him know that you are still new to all this and that your just trying to adjust.. and remember if you really can't handle something then know Allah swt would never be angry, he wants you to be happy and wants what is best for you. But maybe Allahu Alim this is what is best for you, there are hidden things in this world that if we found out about, we would understand that this situation is the best.

    I know it must be so hard to understand, I can't put myself in your shoes but I do know that if Allah brought you to it, then he will get you through it.

    Smile, flip your (hair?.. err Abaya) and take the dunya on. This is God's kingdom, we are the servants and whatever he says SHALL BE! Smile hun, you got lots of rewards coming your way habibti! thats the true victory and no woman can ever take that away from you.

  2. Salaam Alaikum!

    Im sorry things have been so stressful for you =/ I cant really offer much advice but I cam tell you what worked for me. I read "Dont be Sad" (you can download it for free at when I am feeling sad or stressed. Reading stories of musilms (sheiks, companions of the prophet etc) really makes my problems look miniscule in comparisson to the hardships they have gone through. Also, I am in a similar boat weight wise. I still need to shed 20 pounds plus an additional 15 pounds i gained before I got pregnant, so 25 pounds. I recently started 30 day shred with jillian michaels and let me tell you, she kicks your butt lol. But you will see results if you do her videos! They are intense but worth it. Id really love a workout buddy so if your up for it we can motivate one another (doesnt have to be just about weight loss, if you just need someone to chat with etc). So if your up for it, let me know and we can push one another to lose the extra weight! Yesterday for example I binged and ended up eating oreos and donuts lol. I blame my husband since my willpower is low and he is supposed to hide it from me =P
    Some other things that work for stress are going for a walk, reading a novel, taking a bath with oils, yoga...

  3. Hi sweEty I hope u r doing fine. Well dear I feel dat u r extremely tired n need more rest. Try to b more relax n exercise a bit. About gaining weight, maybe u eat more? N about ur period it's normal, like me when I'm really stress I start to have pimples on face n also I have period every 2 weeks n sumtimes after a week I have period again. N if ur husband is around try to talk to him or talk to ur close frens. It might help sweetie. Inshaallah every thing will b fine soon


  4. Hold off the Gym thing for a bit and consider starting`a yoga class. Working tight muscles increases tension and pain. The rule is lengthen before you strengthen.

    Walk! Nothing like a good jog or stroll with music to help calm the racing mind. If you have no where to walk then simply do some cardio at the gym (no weights yet please.

    Correct your breathing habits. Majority of people breathe wrong placing more stress on head and neck muscles.

    Meditate?? I know you practice Islam well and there are many ways to meditate without going out of the religion boundaries.

    Hope this helps...

    PS: When I am mad, sad, angry...etc I always say to myself these 3 words (Love, forgiveness and peace)

    For me, the impending sense of doom remains. I just try not to make it the focus of my attention all the time and that is a hard thing to do.


  5. Thanks every one for the wonderful advice! As for the book Dont be sad.. I am reading in right now! Renee, you spoke of that work out video with Jillian? My sister lost 30lbs doing that for 2 months! She looks amazing.... I like the idea of us keeping up with eachother on the weight...Inshallah..I will write you more indepth soon...

    @ Sarah...Yes, my husband is all about "solutions" haha He is always wanting to fix things so talking to him is always good for me. At the end we normally have a plan of action. You like to cook hu? I never was much for cooking I always liked to bake...mmmm cookines and cakes...See why I struggle with my weight??? hahah

    @Farsilla...Thank you dear.. Yes, my weight is up because I eat more and I am attached to my office for 11 hours a day...**big sigh*** Its hard, but its time for me to change it up...

    @ AFSW....Walking is a good idea. Now that the weather is nice out its not such a bad idea. As for the breathing, yes it does help. I am going to do some more reading up on that. Thanks for the advice...Question for you. My muscles are sooooo big and tight in my neck and shoulders to the point my ring finger and pinky go numb. I have had surgery on my elbow (tennis elbow) last year. I am wondering if you are familiar with Shiatsu massage? Is that a good route for me to go? How should I deal with this extreme muscle issue I have? I am at a loss. Seems I have tried everything. The massage people here are also hair dressers, facial makers, henna drawers and receptionist...not sure if they are that educated when it comes to muscle problems...

  6. Man I wish we lived closer! The things I could do for you!

    Well I am not too sure about Shiatsu Massage but it sounds like your scalenes are tight. These are three small muscle groups that your brachial plexus travels underneath and when they get tight and overworked you develop pain and numbness that travels all the way down the arms to include fingers.

    I am not sure what education these Massage therapists have but it does not sound promising. Go to a physiotherapist and describe what is going on.

    Treatment would be deep intense work to those muscles and LOTS of stretching. Look up scalenes stretched (anterior middle and superior) and start them ASAP. Deep moist heat to those muscles is also good to help them relax, just be ware of the major vessels in the head and neck!

    find me on chat and we can talk more.

  7. Subhaan Allah! I typed a big long response and then clicked the wrong button and lost is all! This may not help you at all, but when I was stressed, I used to walk. I went through a life changing time while living in Bahrain, and every day after work, I'd eat dinner and then walk from Pearl Roundabout to Al Aali or Seef Mall. That is am decent distance! I would walk at a pace while my mind was furiously chugging thoughts around. I would have my therapy session with Allah, telling Him all my issues, and I'd sometimes just recite Al Fatiha, the 3 Quls (Ikhlas, Falaq, and Nas) to soothe myself. They are spiritual cures and lift the heart while kicking shaytaan to the curb. Once I reached home, I would take a bath and fall into bed. I did this for at least a month or two and by the end of that time I was in great shape and all my stress had dissolved into thin air.

    Everyone has different things that relax them, but you need to find something where you can do three things in one: vent your frustration, talk to Allah, and also be able to relax and wind down.

  8. Salaaams, hugs girlie. Yeah nothing like stress to mess up your mojo. What I try to do which helps me is working out. Hot bath with epson salt to relax the muscles. Also a bath with essential oils lavender and peppermint, very relaxing. I've been staying away from sweets too. I used to be an emotional eater and had to kick that habit. Yoga really helps with stress also. Turning on some music and dancing. And lots of dhikr. :-) hugs girlie you will get through this. But i think the quitting the job will be an instant stress reliever and will help alot.

  9. I have some suggestions that may help you. 1. Zirk the Kalimah Taiyabah- La ilaha illallah. This is said to be the best form of Zirk. 2. For you mind try taking some St. Johns Wort. It is an herbal remedy that helps elevate stress, and depression. 3. For your body if you can find Epsom Salts, add one cup to a tub of hot water with about 15 drops of Lavender essential oil. Soak in this for at least 30 mins. The epsom salts relives tension in the muscles, and detoxifies the body. Lavender is very good for stress as well. 4. Start doing yoga daily, your body will love it. I read a book not to long ago called "Yoga for a healthy menstrual cycle" I found it at the library. They have it on amazon, by Lind Sparrowe. I found it very informative. To regulate the cycle drink Red raspberry tea everyday, or even wild yam regulates the cycle and the correct dose also is said to increases fertility. 5. Listening to Quran, helps me also to calm down. 6. I keep my skin clear by drinking lots of water, and a detox drink, lol it doesn't smell great but it works amazingly well for clearing skin. Take one large glass of water (preferable distilled or purified) 1Tbs. organic apple cider vinegar, 1Tbs. raw honey (or more), and mix this in the water, you can warm the water in a teapot so the honey mixes in better. Drink 1-3 times a day. It's good for digestion too. Alhumdulilah my skin looks great, I drink this everyday! I hope some of these suggestions help.

  10. Salam

    Im so sorry u feel so bad... What I do when im stressed out is... dance!! hear music!! (sorry Hispanic girl) parents taught me good music can cure almost anything!! worked for me...The upside to that is u losing pounds too!! I also write in a journal (not blogging). I say on sister recommended yoga!! that works for me too...
    Also diet...depending on what u eat does effect ur foods... No fatty foods sugars....
    Hopefully this helps if u try!!!

  11. As salaamu's me again.

    I'm a bit of a twit at times and this is late, but I MUST say this to you. Unless you need to for survival or some other extremely important reason, I strongly recommend you stop working...altogether. You said the IRS was sorted out, so what's left? Working in the Middle East is stressful and, frankly, not worth it unless you are single or have some urgent need. If it means simplifying life a little, then simplify. Allah and His Messenger (salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam) love the simple life!

    This isn't just to reduce your general stress; it is to put you in the right situation for successful polygyny.

  12. Oh sis! don't be sad *hug* it sounds like it's the job...I had a job that I liked but came to hat because customers would abuse me terribly whenever the supervisor wasn't around and I actually used to call in sick in dread of my work day. I agree with transition could you go part-time or do another sort of work you're qualified for part-time?

    Take care...

  13. I know you might think I am strange for making comments on here when I am not a Muslim. I am an RN (Labour & Delivery - approx 6 thousand or more births!! attended to) and I have to tell you, if you are trying to get pregnant...don't worry and fret about it. I can't tell you how many women I have looked after that couldn't get pregnant and then adopted...then immediately after got pregnant because all the stressors were gone. Take the advice of all the people above, find what calms you best, try not to stress (those physical symptoms you write about are all symptoms of anxiety)by doing what relaxes and calms your soul....and you will find happiness.
    Peace to you.


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