The journey through life sometimes takes a differnt road than we have planned, but this is my journey and my trials along the way. I am not perfect, but I try to live my life and not sweat the small stuff.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Really??? Would you like me to do the Happy Dance??!!
So I was told last night that he will be marrying soon.....YA ALLAH! Then, in the same breath, I was told that"The search wont be over. I want to marry another as well."
My goodness, the poop is really hitting the fan all around the place! Well, it's all about the money...because it costs plenty to keep one woman and a whole lot more than plenty to keep two...by the time you get more, he'll need to be raking in serious money to support you all.
The only thing I can say is that this will all depend on how well your husband chooses and for what reasons. Inshaa'Allah, if he is as discerning this time as he was with you, then it will all be just fine. Easy, no...but inshaa'Allah, fine. At the end of the day, all you have to concern yourself with is your relationship with your husband. As long as that is fine, never mind about the rest of the world. Perhaps that can be a first wives' mantra..."Go ahead and marry, but don't let it have any negative effect on our marriage and my life."
He has good intentions. I just dont know if I can keep my "tounge to myslef" and keep all that I have to say quiet. I am trying on this new attitude but really...I signed up for one more wife, not 2. I am just shocked, thats all.
Yes, I can well understand your shock. I'll tell you something though, if he is talking about more than one, he most likely isn't going to have a relationship deeper that yours with either of them.
Not only will he never have a year of monogamy with them to build up a strong relationship, but because of the time division, but he will always just be moving from place to place...and you will always be the one he knows the best and who holds the "home comforts." That's quite precious.
The good thing about all this is that he will take the second first...and have at least some time to see how that works. It may totally change him regarding a third, because there really is little time. Once he tastes the reality of polygyny, it will make things far more realistic for him.
I can understand your loss for words. Its really shocking as he has not even got married a second time and already thinking about a third. Subhan'Allah! I pray that he settles down with the one he loves (you) and cherises the diamond hes got. Insha'Allah, like mai said whatever happens with the rest of the world is not your concern! As long as your happy in your relationship with your husband then don't worry about anything else. And I do think that if marries a 3rd time, not only will he be so busy relocating all the time but will probably only be comfortable when hes with you. Anyways, whatever happens just know that Allah will certainly pull you through it in the end.
I have alot of respect for you Masha'Allah. Your right, the best thing to do when things get complicated is to step out of the picture, and hand over all the affairs to Allah. Nothing to fear.
That's definitely a lot to deal with, so much so fast. I don't know how I would manage that? Sarah and Mia gave you good advice, honestly it's confusing like you said. Your obviously very committed to your husband and love him much. I think it is wise for the women to not get as involved in the beginning of the man taking a second. You really need to take that time for yourself and focus on you and being well. If things last with the consecutive wife/wives and you feel the need to reach out then do. I think some days you will and some you won't? Take things one day at a time, and keep praying to Allah for peace and happiness.
WOW... all this in less than 8 hours!!! I agree with Mai 100%!!! I'm with you sis, every step of the way!!! If you need to 'vent', you know where to find me! LOL :D
PS:... 15F today.. beautiful morning, sunny and not a cloud to be seen!!! How's the 'sand box'.. LOL ;b
Hugs, hugs , hugs. Take things one day at a time is all you can do. I think right now your husband may be feeling like a kid in a candy store, or me at the coach store.(knowing all the possibilities and wanting so many but the reality is so different) If he is close to marrying someone, and he does go thru with it, she can never replace you. The foundation you have built with him can not be undone. And whoever is new on the team he will, even if he trys not to, will always compare them in his mind to you. You know what he likes, dislikes, temperament, food, ect. Whoever is new on the scene will have to figure all this on her own.He will be thinking,his time will be more comfortable with you because you already know him and get him. So he will enjoy the time better. Just keep in mind that your beautiful inside and out, and whoever comes along will just be another person who will care for him, but can never fill your shoes. Also the 3rd wife idea. Let's see how he does with 2 before trying to fill all slots. my husband thought this would be a cakewalk. Now only after 2mths of his 2nd wants to run for the hills.
Also another thing I think Mai mentioned it is try only to focus on your relationship. This is what you have control over. Not whether he gets a 2nd or 3rd. If your relationship is good then you will be happy. Its easier said than done. But make lots of dua and keep remembrance of Allah and remembrance of why you love your husband in the first place.
As-Saalamu Alaykum ukhty, may allah make it easy for you, I know this news is not easy to handle. I don’t know what I would have done if I were in your shoes. It’s best that you refrain from talking to him because you can end up lashing out and that too doesn’t make you feel any better. You should take some time to pamper yourself and digest everything slowly. And when you are calmer you can discuss it with him in a decent manner. I will make duaa for you.
I can't even think to put myself in your shoes. All I can say is do what you feel is best. Insha'Allah Allah will guide you in the right direction and give you and your husband blessings. You have a great heart Masha'Allah!! I hope your husband sees and appreciates the wonderful woman he has Insha'Allah!!
Sis, remember whatever happens we're all here for you. Do lots of deep breathing exercises and relax...may Allah give you sabr, ameen.
Whether he marries another one, or two, or even three all of this has been written since before we were born. The test is how you handle your situation (deen/life/marriage/relationship with other wife). Lol, but let our husbands have two wives and ask them after a few months whether they still want to marry a third! I can't imagine how crazy the logistics of 3 would be...
Life is too short to be hateful. Just because you disagree with something, doesn't make it wrong. I welcome your comments but please refrain from being hateful. :)
Ya Allah! I am confused, is he doing this because he wants to or just because he can? Is there any particular rush to get so many wives? Gosh.
ReplyDeleteI dont know Sarah...I just know that he has always wanted it. Aside from that, I am at a loss for words.
ReplyDeleteAs salaamu alaykum!
ReplyDeleteMy goodness, the poop is really hitting the fan all around the place! Well, it's all about the money...because it costs plenty to keep one woman and a whole lot more than plenty to keep two...by the time you get more, he'll need to be raking in serious money to support you all.
The only thing I can say is that this will all depend on how well your husband chooses and for what reasons. Inshaa'Allah, if he is as discerning this time as he was with you, then it will all be just fine. Easy, no...but inshaa'Allah, fine. At the end of the day, all you have to concern yourself with is your relationship with your husband. As long as that is fine, never mind about the rest of the world. Perhaps that can be a first wives' mantra..."Go ahead and marry, but don't let it have any negative effect on our marriage and my life."
He has good intentions. I just dont know if I can keep my "tounge to myslef" and keep all that I have to say quiet. I am trying on this new attitude but really...I signed up for one more wife, not 2. I am just shocked, thats all.
ReplyDeleteYes, I can well understand your shock. I'll tell you something though, if he is talking about more than one, he most likely isn't going to have a relationship deeper that yours with either of them.
ReplyDeleteNot only will he never have a year of monogamy with them to build up a strong relationship, but because of the time division, but he will always just be moving from place to place...and you will always be the one he knows the best and who holds the "home comforts." That's quite precious.
The good thing about all this is that he will take the second first...and have at least some time to see how that works. It may totally change him regarding a third, because there really is little time. Once he tastes the reality of polygyny, it will make things far more realistic for him.
Don't fear...Allah's Plan is Perfect.
Thanks Mia...Mashallah.. You always have a way of putting things in perspective.... Thank you!
ReplyDelete**correction.. Mai
ReplyDeleteI can understand your loss for words. Its really shocking as he has not even got married a second time and already thinking about a third. Subhan'Allah! I pray that he settles down with the one he loves (you) and cherises the diamond hes got. Insha'Allah, like mai said whatever happens with the rest of the world is not your concern! As long as your happy in your relationship with your husband then don't worry about anything else. And I do think that if marries a 3rd time, not only will he be so busy relocating all the time but will probably only be comfortable when hes with you. Anyways, whatever happens just know that Allah will certainly pull you through it in the end.
ReplyDeleteYou have a heart of gold!!! Thats for sure.
Hugs
Thanks Sarah! I just know that if I put all my problems in ALLAH's hands, I can get thru anything.....
ReplyDeleteI have alot of respect for you Masha'Allah. Your right, the best thing to do when things get complicated is to step out of the picture, and hand over all the affairs to Allah. Nothing to fear.
ReplyDeleteThat's definitely a lot to deal with, so much so fast. I don't know how I would manage that? Sarah and Mia gave you good advice, honestly it's confusing like you said. Your obviously very committed to your husband and love him much. I think it is wise for the women to not get as involved in the beginning of the man taking a second. You really need to take that time for yourself and focus on you and being well. If things last with the consecutive wife/wives and you feel the need to reach out then do. I think some days you will and some you won't? Take things one day at a time, and keep praying to Allah for peace and happiness.
ReplyDeleteWOW... all this in less than 8 hours!!! I agree with Mai 100%!!! I'm with you sis, every step of the way!!! If you need to 'vent', you know where to find me! LOL :D
ReplyDeletePS:... 15F today.. beautiful morning, sunny and not a cloud to be seen!!! How's the 'sand box'.. LOL ;b
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHugs, hugs , hugs. Take things one day at a time is all you can do. I think right now your husband may be feeling like a kid in a candy store, or me at the coach store.(knowing all the possibilities and wanting so many but the reality is so different) If he is close to marrying someone, and he does go thru with it, she can never replace you. The foundation you have built with him can not be undone. And whoever is new on the team he will, even if he trys not to, will always compare them in his mind to you. You know what he likes, dislikes, temperament, food, ect. Whoever is new on the scene will have to figure all this on her own.He will be thinking,his time will be more comfortable with you because you already know him and get him. So he will enjoy the time better. Just keep in mind that your beautiful inside and out, and whoever comes along will just be another person who will care for him, but can never fill your shoes. Also the 3rd wife idea. Let's see how he does with 2 before trying to fill all slots. my husband thought this would be a cakewalk. Now only after 2mths of his 2nd wants to run for the hills.
ReplyDeleteAlso another thing I think Mai mentioned it is try only to focus on your relationship. This is what you have control over. Not whether he gets a 2nd or 3rd. If your relationship is good then you will be happy. Its easier said than done. But make lots of dua and keep remembrance of Allah and remembrance of why you love your husband in the first place.
ReplyDeleteOops I don't know if my comment went thru or not because I closed the page too soon...
ReplyDeleteI said that I am praying for your happiness and I am waiting to read what happens next inshaaAllah!!
As-Saalamu Alaykum ukhty, may allah make it easy for you, I know this news is not easy to handle. I don’t know what I would have done if I were in your shoes. It’s best that you refrain from talking to him because you can end up lashing out and that too doesn’t make you feel any better. You should take some time to pamper yourself and digest everything slowly. And when you are calmer you can discuss it with him in a decent manner. I will make duaa for you.
ReplyDeleteSalam,
ReplyDeleteI can't even think to put myself in your shoes. All I can say is do what you feel is best. Insha'Allah Allah will guide you in the right direction and give you and your husband blessings. You have a great heart Masha'Allah!! I hope your husband sees and appreciates the wonderful woman he has Insha'Allah!!
My dua's are with you always.
Salam
Wow! *eyes big*
ReplyDeleteSis, remember whatever happens we're all here for you. Do lots of deep breathing exercises and relax...may Allah give you sabr, ameen.
Whether he marries another one, or two, or even three all of this has been written since before we were born. The test is how you handle your situation (deen/life/marriage/relationship with other wife). Lol, but let our husbands have two wives and ask them after a few months whether they still want to marry a third! I can't imagine how crazy the logistics of 3 would be...