One month and counting. One month before my husband gets married. I am having my ups and downs with this. I was hoping one day he would just say, "No baby, you are all I need." but with the plans that are being made, I don't see that happening. So now I have to switch my mindset to this is really going to happen to me. Daisy, this is your life!
I have my good days and my bad days. I tend to freak out at the late night click click's on the computer and have voiced my concern over the phone sms's. He informed me the other day that she said she feels like he is already her husband. I said, Excuse me?! Ahhh , no she isn't! You are my husband and until you do the contract and meet all the conditions, she is still not a mahram to you so I think its time to cool it. I agree with a "get to know you phase" but then I think its time to "^%$#^ or get off the pot!" (American saying) So he agreed and things seem to be a little better in our home.
I will write more later about my future co wife when I actually know more. Right now I am on a need to know basis and I really don't want to know much..hahah. I am staying out of this one from word go. I think it is better the less I know at this point. My body is going thru too much stress as it is.
On another note, we are getting ready to move into a new flat, really excited about that. Learning a little more Arabic, had 2 interviews for a new job at one of the Worlds Largest Banks! WOWOWOW!! And I had an awesome birthday and my wonderful husband bought me an Ipad! LOVE IT!! The IRS is now completely paid off and I now officially have moved on from my old life. This was the one thing that still tied me to my old marriage.
So,over all, my life is ok. What will happen in the next few months? Probably a few more freak out sessions and me threatening to walk.....who knows...hahah
As salaamu alaykum.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you...may Allah get you through this. Keep your eye on the big goal and prepare for some eye-opening and painful experiences. Never forget that they are meant to bring you closer to Allah, nothing else. That will move you through it on a different level.
In all honesty, it hurts me to think that you will have to go through all that polygyny "stuff." However, I accept that this is Allah's Plan for you, just as it is for me and that whatever you go through, is especially for you. Allah tests those he loves, and he tests most those He wants to be the best and have a beautiful rank in Jennah. These things soothe me. I pray they will do the same for you.
Much love.
HUGS!!!! Aw.. Seriously sis just hold your breath and hold on, lol. This is something your husband has wanted before he even met you so atleast you know that this whole thing has nothing to do with YOU personally. I understand that your husand is a fair and good man alhamdulilah... and we just have to wait and see how Allah swt's plan for you and him unfolds, Im sure it will be really beautiful insha'allah.
ReplyDeleteLove you for the sake of Allah.
(btw, HOW DARE SHE?? OH NO SHE DIDNT?!?) Gosh I would be too embarrassed to ever say anything like that to a man who I haven't married yet.
Salaam alaikum,
ReplyDeleteAwww. I would feel exactly the same if I were you. :(
Inshallah things will get easier. Is his new wife Western?
Salaam and thanks everyone...
ReplyDelete@Mai...No pressure on you or anything but I am looking to you as my role model and my insperation. I read your blog and await your comments as my "rock". Mashallah! I hope one day to be as strong as you...
@Sarah...Yes...I am holding my breath. haha He has wanted this from the word go, long before I even came into the picture so I know it has nothing to do with me. (Also, I am "all that") LOL!! Anyways, yes, day by day I am accepting. Like I said, I have my moments. I was thinking the other day how much I changed thru this process. In the begining I was cool with it. Very understanding and even helping! I just think now that this has gone on long enough. Khalas! I am ready to move on from this stage. And yes, she did say that! Already her husband?! HA! Whateva Sista! Thats a title you have to earn!
@Amal...Thanks. I am doing ok. Like I said to Sarah, I just want it over and thanks be to ALLAH, it will be soon. As for where she is from, I will comment on that later on. Once it is all over and the ink has dried ont the contract, I will explain(introduce) my new co wife. InshaAllah... :)
Aslaamu-alaikum, Hugs girlie. May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows. :-) inshallah things will go smoothly. I will keep making dua for you, no matter what he decides you can still be happy. Just understand him doing this, isnt because you are lacking , it is in his nature. I will post more later gotta run to the post office before they close. sending some hugs your way :-)
ReplyDeleteI thought of you today...
ReplyDeleteOne of my clients said to me that he felt "an impending sense of doom". It took me back but this is just too weird.
How are you?
Salams sorry to hear about your blues. Was the idea about all the new wife/wives living together something you knew about all along or is this a recent change? That would have to be the absolute hardest thing ever. Wow I jus can't imagine? What about when you don't feel like being bothered with anyone? what about when you jus wanna go to your room, cry, scream, run up an international phone bill. There's no privacy. Like there is someone else always there,in the other bedroom. Honestly I don't have a lot of friends, but even if I had a friend I wouldn't want to live with her. The same as a co-wife. Everyone needs their space. One thing I read on Mai's blog is how she enjoys her time to herself. I really think that is essential for women going through this type of situation.
ReplyDelete@ Jaiyana... Thanks, I appreciate all the kind words. Inshallah...things will be ok
ReplyDelete@ A free Saudi...YES!!! Ughhh the impending sense of doom. That is a daily saying with me. I cant figure it out either but I always feel like I am waiting for the sky to fall. Its this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I cant shake. I hate it! Deffinatly weird! I am doing ok. I need to get this stress out of my life. Any suggestions on some natural tecniques I would appreciate it...
@Umm Assad... I know that my husband has always spoken of having his wives close to him. Whether it be in side by side flats of one large villa...he always wants to be close. He told me last night that his wives will never live by themselves. He, the man, will always be in the house. As for the set up, I have made it clear that I want my own space and he respects that. My new area in the house we are moving to is quite large and I will have my own area with a door that can close off from the rest of the area. I am looking forward to that.
Breathing...
ReplyDeleteWe tend to start breathing shallow while stressed. Stop everything and concentrate on breathing for a while. Not only will it correct muscular imbalances and increase O2 delivery but by the time you are done your stress levels would have gone down.
So stop and then take 3 big slow abdominal breaths AKA (diaphragmatic breathing).I have more but this is a good start and do not underestimate the power of breathing. Breathing is life and life is Oxygen.
Salam,
ReplyDeleteIt is a big step ou and your husband are venturing in. Allah will test you but what I have been following your blog, you are a strong woman Masha'Allah!! I wish you the best and will make dua for you and your new life!!
Salam,
Liza
Hi there.
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't mind me commenting.
I had a husband (10 years ago) that wanted to take another "wife" at the same time being married to me - of course it actually isn't "legal" here in canada but there are some religious sects that do it.
Anyway...I met the gal and actually quite liked her. There was jealousy at first, and I guess that is quite normal, but actually, after a while she became one of my best and dearest friends.
There is something that is so nice about female companionship...we think differently and we feel differently. It is possible to develop a real friendship with the other gal and actually miss HER when she is away! :)
The key is: don't look at it from the aspect that it is taking away your husband's attention from you...it is creating a relationship that may make even closer bond between you and your husband.
Don't feel she is a threat, treat her as a friend. Your husband obviously loves you, and I think it is possible to have more than one love to complete a family. If you show love and graciousness (even when it is difficult) a man will see this and acknowlege and reward it and it will draw him even closer to you.
It doesn't negate how you feel though. It is hard at first, gets easier as time goes along.
PS - the only reason I am no longer with that husband is because he was an a** - and guess what! I am still close friends with the other gal! :) I love her to bits (and I have another husband now)