To eat or not to eat...

Bismillah...

Salaam Blogger world.  I have been planning our trip to the States and the issue of halal food has been brought up with my husband.  He is concerned that some of our food will be mixed with something that has come in contact with pork.  Whether it be a frying pan, spoon...what ever it may be.  Any suggestions on how to deal with this?  The hotel we will be staying at has an omelet bar for example.  Would you think it be "ok" to ask them to wash the pan before they make ours?

See, I have been raised around pork my whole life.  I guess I am just not as "scared" of it as someone who has never been around it.  I know that eating it is haram but not to the extent of my husband who would prefer not to eat at all.

Hmmmm... this may be a tricky situation...

I had a moment...

Bismillah..



Salaam Blogger world...

So, obviously we all have days when nothing seems to go right.  Too much on our mind tends to make us...how do you say....FORGETFUL??  LOL

So I get to work this morning.  Grab my laptop, my purse and my bag and proceed to turn off my AC.  After I make what I believe is a thorough mental checklist, I open the door LOCK it and walk away.  On my way past the front of my car I hear the fan kick on.  Hmmmmm that's strange I say to myself.  I walk back to the door as I realize what I have just done.  I NOT ONLY LOCKED MY KEYS IN THE CAR BUT I LEFT IT RUNNING!!!!!

No spare key and the remote is dead.  Ughhhh..  So, I have to make the dreaded call to my husband and tell him the fantastic news.  He asks me why?  LOL  I said if I knew why I wouldn't have done it...LOL

So....after almost 2 hours of the car running (now minus some fuel) I have my key safe in hand.

Some days I wonder how I even function to get out of bed.....LOL

A pig hu?? LOL

Bismillah

Salaam Alaikum blogger world...


Ok...I have to laugh.  I just got a pretty nasty message by some one who is "assuming" they know my life and my husband....  They called him a pig for "allowing" me to work and that he is "using me until something better comes along"..

#1---My husband is far from a pig....He is handsome, caring, affectionate all the things I am taking that you lack.  He takes care of all matters pertaining to household expenses...ALHAMDULLILAH!

#2--- Allowing me to work?  Hmmm..  Lets see.  I am a strong American woman who has worked my whole life...Alhamdullilah!  My money is mine, according to the Laws of Islam.  My husband "allows" me to work because it makes me happy.  And the best among men are the ones that are good to their wives...

#3---As for using me until something better comes along....HAHAHAHAHAH  sooo funny!  Dear Sister or Brother ....  I AM THE BEST!  If taking care of my husband, my family and making all in my life happy makes me a doormat...then all I can say is thank you!  By being a "used" as you say, is going to get me into Jannah!  Inshallah!

So, for the avoidance of doubt....always remember....When you point one finger out, 3 are pointed right back at you!

And no need for you to pray that God opens MY eyes....they are wide open as I ask Allah (swt) to forgive you for judging another Muslim. and another human being period!...AMEEN!

Ohh and by the way...the only fool I see is someone who gives ignorant comments on others blogs......when I look in the mirror I see a beautiful and stong Muslimah....No fool.... Sorry.

I miss you America

Bismillah....

Salaam Alaikum everyone.  Since I am not sure when I will be traveling to my home country, I though I would give a little tribute to the Red White and Blue.

The things I love about you...

*Walmart....you will always be on the top of my list.  How are you?  Still rolling back prices?  God how I miss Equate brand Tylenol....

*Pumping my own gas....You would think just having to sit in your car while you get gas is nice...it is.  But pumping your own gas then going in and getting coffee and a donut when you check out is even better.

*Green grass...fresh air...Maybe it was growing up in the Midwest but nothing beats the smell of fresh cut grass and fresh clean air. 

*Saying hello to people....Ahhhh the good ol "Hello" when you walk into a store.  Not like that here.

* Having Americans actually working the counter at McDonald's or Chili's or cutting your hair, road construction...anywhere actually.  Here, it's all foreign people.  Picture this...A Filipino working at Macaroni Grill.....haha  so strange.

*Walgreen's....God, you could get just about anything in that store...

* Target....Love, Love, Love the clearance rack!!

* MacDonald's cheeseburger's and KFC chicken...sooooo not the same here....Yuck!

* People that actually know how to drive....Omg..here.. It is awful!  Google it..  I cant even begin to tell you how bad traffic and drivers are in the Middle East.  Scary

The flag.  I love to go to the US embassy because I know I am getting close when I see the flag flying in the distance.  It gives me a feeling of "home".  Some things we take for granted in our life.  Who would have thought that I would miss a flag?  I do.  I would give anything to see it now.....Inshallah.. Soon.

Going...getting ready...so excited...NOW NOTHING

Salaam Alaikum everyone.

I am going to switch gears a little and hit on a new topic.  The mahrem system in Islam.  I get the whole "it's set to protect a woman...yada yada yada.."  My problem lies is should this be in effect for me?  haha

Here is the story.  I haven't seen my family or my country in over a year.  I miss them both terribly.  I will start my annual leave the end of this week.  I only get this once a year.  So, if I don't go now I will have to wait until next November to go.  My company gives me one ticket home a year.  Awesome deal.  So, ticket booked, 4 days until we leave, already started getting things in order, family is looking forward to seeing me and meeting my new husband, ........I was told today that we can not go.  The time off my husband expected to get was not approved.  Cancel plans.  I cant even go by myself for fear "something may happen".  Really?  Ok.  This is my country, my family.  I am a 30 something year old woman.  I have not been Muslim my entire life.  Just the past year and half.  I am used to doing things for myself.  I can navigate a huge international airport by myself.  I am not your typical Arab girl that doesn't even speak in public.  Why is ok for me to function as a normal human being when its convenient, work, store etc...but if its something like this, he gets all
"Religious and protective" over me.  If he is that protective, why am I working?  Why do I work with out Niqaab(but wear it everywhere else)... Mix with men for my job...Why do I drive?  Why do I go to the store on my own?...You get my point.

You know, I am beyond irritated right now.. Pissed actually.  Sad and hurt.  He can travel all over to differnt countries to find "number 2" but I cant even go see my country or my family?....... Really?  This is my life?  Why do I put up with him searching for another woman to sleep with, not let me travel alone to see my family.....?  Do I have a sign on my back that says "I like to be walked on?"  I am really re thinking this whole situation......Damn you Satan.. Get out of my head!

Seriously......The urge to slap someone is still there....

How honest should one be at first?

Salaam to everyone out there...

Real quick question.  My husband tells me tonight that he is going to stop telling these women he is married already.  He is going to wait and get to know them a little bit before he tells them.  He is afraid he is scaring them off.   Hmmm... Ok... I am back to wanting to slap someone again.  Is this ok?  I seriously thinks he needs to speak with a Shaikh or someone with some knowledge about this.  I think he is too "rushed" and not willing to wait for what ALLAH (swt) has in store for him.

What do you guys think?  Should he be upfront with them or wait after a few conversations to tell them?

Halal dating....is there such a thing?

                          Bismillah al rahman alrahim.....

Salaam everyone....

I have a question.  I will keep this post short as I believe the comments can actually be the post.  Do you agree with "halal dating"?  This means do date with the purpose of marriage, no sex and becoming engaged.  Speaking on the telephone, chatting online...etc etc.

My husband told me tonight that he has decided to stop "searching" and "open" himself up to what ever happens.  He will no longer search with the hurry up and marry attitude.  He thinks it is scaring them away and you may miss out on a good potential wife.

Hmmmm...Not sure how I feel about this.  I think I would rather him find a woman, go to her wali, sign the contract and be done with it.  Isn't this how it should be?  I know we are living in a different time and people are more open...but I have an issue with this "dating". 

What do you all think?  I understand the haram end of it.  I am looking for your thoughts on it and how you would deal with it......

A picture is worth a thousand words

This is to the "Moral, good Muslim wannabe second wife" who calls my husband at 7:30am 2 mornings in a row......I can only put a picture because the words I have floating in my head right now will not be forgiven by ALLAH (swt).....May he have mercy on us all.  And God, please protect her because I may just go slap her silly.  Also, please stop me from doing that.  Ameen!

Breath...breath...no slapping today...breath...breath....no swearing today...breath..breath.....

For the avoidance of Doubt

Salaam everyone.

I just want to make something clear.  I love my husband very much.  Even though I am struggling day to day with his decisions does not mean that I don't love him.  He is one of the most honest and caring men I have ever met.  I can not fault him.  He has always been open and honest with me regarding this situation.  This is my issue to deal with.  I have to learn whether to deal or not deal.  lol

He is an amazing man who loves me, takes care of me and watches out for me.  Alhamdullilah!  I am blessed.  Sometimes I have to remind myself this.

This doesn't mean I still don't want to punch someone...haha

Just a tip

Salaam to all of you out there...

I just want to say first off...I am so happy to have you all as friends and readers.  It's hard to admit when we have problems in our life to people we "know", ie...close friends and family.  This is why this blog is such a god send to me...mashaalllah!  I like to be able to get constructive criticism back from people who know of me not "know me".

On that note.  There are some readers out in blog world that I have become close with.  With that being said, if you are one of them, please refrain from using my real name and my exact location.  I like to keep some sort of anonymity when I blog.  I don't want people to find out who I am and tell this person who in turns tells that person...yada yada yada....then everyone knows who I am and feelings get hurt.

I come from a small country and everyone knows everyone.

This is just a little tip.  Thanks again for all your support!

JazakaAllahu Khairn~!!!

Still no change

Salaam World,

Not much change in how I feel today.  I got some wonderful feedback from all of you and thinking of your kind words is helping me get by.  I still want to run.  On the show Sister Wives, the husband Cody said that wives can handle a wife better than they can handle a girlfriend. Sooo true!  I cant handle this situation now and I am trying to put on the happy face but its just hard!

Anyway, I wont complain today.  Thanks again everyone. 

Why do I have to sacrifice?

I am so angry!  I don't want to hear one more person tell me to pray, tell me that I need to bear this with patience, that I will be "rewarded" for this.  What bullshit...really!  Speaking my mind here people so bear with me.  I am tired of trying to only make my hubby happy.  I fell like I am getting the shaft here.  There is a saying where I am from, "Don't kiss the ass thats about ready to shit on you" 

Thats how I feel today..  Kissing all the asses while they just "unload"

I feel that my dear husband is gaining everything in this "deal" and what do I get?  A bag full of shit.  That's what I get!  I get a bunch of nice insecurities to add to the ones I already have.

So, he gets to meet someone, chat, build a relationship, marry, fall in love blah blah blah!  Me?  I get to grow older, no children, work work work work.  That's what I get.  Oh, and we will probably all live together so I get to see her stupid face every day.  I want to run.  Run far away. 

Quite a stark contrast to earlier posts hu?  Well, I have been thinking.  And this is how I feel today.  I am full of hate and anger.  I don't give a rip roaring crap who sees this or who will condemn me for my "un islamic" feelings or words.  How can God say its ok to hurt me?  How can God tell me to bear the hardship with patience while my husband is off having sex and building a family with someone else.

Forget this.  I really cant take it.   I don't want to see anyone right now.  Including my husband.  I may say something I will regret.

I could really use a cigarette(I used to smoke....A LOT)  OHH...ANOTHER thing I gave up for this relationship....Hmm lets add that to the list... My home, my country, my friends, my family, my job......WTH...And he cant give this "right" of his up?  Hmmm.. Who is giving and who is taking here?

Hope he enjoys his new "family"...Not really sure at this point I want to be here.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Ok, so today, hmmmm not so good. I am drinking Diet Coke like it a bottle of wine (God forbid). I am pacing the house like a mad woman.  Cleaning like a freaky 40's housewife and doing anything I can do to get the devil to stop whispering in my ear!  I think I have had too much idle time on my hands with dear hubbie away on business.  My mind is racing and I am in a "Why me?" sort of mood.  I am angry, hurt, sad, scared..a little bit of everything all rolled into one..(Isn't that a line from a Sheryl Crow song?) 

Anyway, I was asked a question last night by someone.  The question was why am I pushing so hard for this too happen?  That I am "too nice".  Well, lets address the first question.

#1--  I am not pushing this.  I would LOVE it if he came home and said, "Baby, you are all I want and need.  I never want to take a second wife."  I am a woman, of course I am jealous and have my moments.  I DON'T want to share him!  I am being realistic.  I knew from the moment (and before) I said "yes" that there would be a number 2.  It kills me inside some days.  My husband has been more than honest with me.  He has always been upfront and never held anything back from me.  I love him more than words can say.  He treats me like a queen and loves me more than I could have ever asked for.  Why would I willingly want another woman to experience his love?  I want if for myself but ALLAH(swt) has other plans for us.  There is always a reason behind every action.  I know that with trust in ALLAH(swt) that I will be taken care of.  I put my trust in HIM, no man can ever replace that.
Embracing this life helps me cope with it.  If I were to bury my head in the sand and pretend it wont happen, what good would that do me?  I don't want to be blindsided with this life.  I want to be prepared and I want it on OUR terms as a family.  Not just his terms and I have to deal with it.

#2  Am I a push over/too nice?  Maybe.  I have a big heart and I wear it on my sleeve.  I tend to be nice to people when I know it will not be returned.  I don't like to fight or disagree with people.  I want to make everyone happy, sometimes at the expense of myself.  I am working on my flaws.  I have a low self esteem and InshaAllah, with the help of prayer, I will over come that. 
This does not mean I am weak.  I do speak my mind, with a little prodding..haha.

I just want this to go smoothly.  Who knows, maybe I will never be able to get used to this idea.  Maybe I will just "freak out" one day and call it quits.  InshaAllah, that wont happen but who knows?  How can I say "No" to this situation if I am not even in it yet?

What we think is good for us may turn out to be bad, what we think is bad for us may turn out to be good.

All I can tell you is that today, I want my husband to myself.  I am feeling selfish and I don't want anyone else in my life.  I feel like I have given everything up for this life with him and that he is being selfish by not giving up this "right" of his.  This is how I feel today.  Tomorrow may be different.

I believe, and I may be a little bias here, that I have the best hubbie in the world.  He is everything I could dream of.  Today however, I wish he would think of my feelings and how this is tearing me up inside.

Ahhh.. If only the shoe could be on the other foot for a day.  I don't think any man would think of taking another wife if they knew the pain that it feels in the depth of your heart.

Sorry for the "downer" .  I cant be upbeat all the time...hahah

Waking up in Vegas

As Salaam Alaikum Everyone!

I am so glad the weekend is almost here.  I need a break.  My dear husband is away at a conference and I have some serious me time.  I love it!  He ladies, isn't it true that we get soooo much more accomplished when they are and about?  Funny how sometimes the men in our lives seem to consume so much of our time.  Haha.

Anyways, this isn't the point of this post. (Although good for a future topic)  It's been 2 yrs ago this week that I took a girls trip to Vegas.  Yes, me, pious Muslim woman went to Vegas. (This was pre-conversion to Islam) No men, just us girls.  Haha.  We had an awesome time.  I loved the fact that finally I had a girls trip away.  All of us talked about it but never did it.  I am glad that I did do things like that.  I have good memories to look back on.  Loosing all my money, not a good memory.  Time with good friends, VERY GOOD MEMORY.  I don't speak to them anymore.  I am glad I have that memory of us all. 

That was just a few months before I converted to Islam and changed my life completely.  I look back on that time and wonder how I had the strength to do it, change my life.  I remember coming home from Vegas and seeing my ex-husband.  I was very happy to see him, but then the next day, it went right back to the "empty" relationship that each of us were too afraid to admit.  I knew then, in Vegas, that my life had to change.  What was supposed to bring me happiness just brought me sadness.  Every where I looked for it,all I found was just dispair.  Sitting at a slot machine, sure is fun if you win.  If you don't, IT SUCKS.  Being in a long term committed relationship with comfort and stability is nice, but if you are two people yet feeling alone, IT SUCKS.

So I take my time in Vegas as a "Wake up call".  Something was missing in my life and I knew what it was.  It wasn't a fancy car, nice house, gambling, smoking, being "married".  It was inner peace, and Faith.  Once I found that, leaving all the rest behind was easy.  I am not saying leaving a 17yr relationship was easy, but I knew it wasn't doing any of us any good to live unhappy.  I had found ALLAH(swt) and accepted Islam 100%.  It made sense to me.  That's all that mattered!

So, Vegas.... You may have taken my money, wasted my time but in the end.. THANK YOU!  Thank you for making me see the light...ALHAMDULLIAH!!!

How I will live polygyny in my future

Salaam everyone!

I was recently asked how I plan to live polygyny in my life.  I am going to do my best to answer that question although as we all know, what we want and what ALLAH(SWT) has in store for us are two separate ideas..haha

First of all, I love the idea of one big family.  I want us to all be friends and love each other not only for the sake of ALLAH but because we are genuinely doing it for the sake of family.  InshaAllah...  I want us under one roof, with separate areas for us.( No, we WILL NOT SHARE THE BEDROOM)  I want us to eat as a family.  I want us to shop together, talk together, go to family outings together and discuss issues as a family.  I want our children to grow up all together and always have ALL parents around to nurture and take care of them and instill strong Islamic ties to community and family, InshaAllah!

I don't like the fact that some Muslims live separate lives.  One day here, one day there.  Never co existing and pretending that the other family doesn't exist.  Now, I understand that there are cases where there is no other option.  I don't agree with hate and backbiting.  Some women just CAN NOT AND WILL NOT share their lives.  For the sake of the family,and their sanity, then it is best to keep it separated.

I just know what I want out of life.  I want a large HAPPY family.  I want not only a co wife but a sister.  I think this can be accomplished but it will take patience and prayer and hard work.  I think finding the right person to join your family is tough, but the time it takes to find that person will be well worth it in the future.

What do you all think?  Is it possible? Am I living in a fantasy world? Would you be willing to not only share your husband but your life with another woman?  Do you think its possible to put aside your preconceived notions on what you "think" is the right way and try to make it work?  Trust me, I don't think it will be easy but I do think it's what is best for the family and the children you will have. 

Remember, there is no need to judge....this isn't court. 

Homesick

Ok, so my sister just emails me a picture of us two when we were little.  It looks like I must have been 4 and she was 9 or so.  Got me thinking how homesick I really am.  I went home for a visit last year and I know some people that are gone for years without going home.  I talk to my family all the time on the phone but it still isn't the same.  I think along with missing my family, I miss my Country.  I love my home here in the Middle East, don't mistake me.  I just miss "USA".  Cookouts, Wal-Mart, Taco Bell, familiar places and faces.  Not to mention green grass and snow...haha.  One thing I noticed since I became a Muslim, and this is a very hard aspect of the religion for me to get used to, is the segregation.  I am sure a lot of it has to do with culture but I miss sitting around with the in-laws playing cards.  Greeting family members with hugs and hand shakes.  Passing the taters to my brother in law and not having to worry about "crossing the line".  This is the part of life I miss.  I gave it all up for ALLAH but some days I wonder did I also give up my identity?

This is not court, no need to judge......

Power of prayer

Alhamdulilah!  I just read this article online this morning and all I can say is WOW!  This poor mother was informed that her twins died right after birth only to be informed that one was found still alive in cold storage in the morgue. Can you imagine?  The power of God is so strong.  It gives me hope that he is merciful and compassionate!

I can not imagine the emotions this family went through.  May God continue to be with them and their family.

Do any of you have some personal stories of Miracles?  I think it would do us some good to hear some positive stories of our Faith, InshaAllah....

Another month passes.....still nothing

Salam everyone..... Here I sit totally depressed.  I was so happy this morning when I woke up... Yippppeeee!!  One day past....Going to get the test tonight. I was SO SURE this month was it!  Then, like a crushing wall.  BAM!  That damn Aunt Flo came. 

My husband and I have been trying since March to no avail.  I know, everyone says to wait a year until you get worried.  It's my insecurities playing on my mind again.  I want to be pregnant first before he marries again.  Is that so selfish of me?  I want to show people that I am not this "dried up 30 something Divorce".

Everyone says, "In God's time"  But I can't help but feel punished for my past life.  Punished for waiting so long to have children.  Ughhh... I am going crazy.

I just have this deep insecurity that "she" will get pregnant right away, people will look at my husband and say, "I told you so"  and she will get the love from my husband that I feel is meant for me. 

Ok, that's my pity party for the day...hahah

They say to want for your sister what you want for yourself......May Allah forgive me, because in this case, I can say that I don't want that.

I feel like I give and give and give some more in this whole ordeal.  Now its my turn!  My turn to be selfish!  I want the baby.  I want to be the one who is pregnant first.

 

I am bad to feel this way aren't I?  How do I get past this?

This is not court....Leave a comment but no need to judge....

Extreme or not Extreme....You decide..

I have had an interesting back in forth with a polygyny group online(which I am no longer part of).  This all started over the show Sister Wives which airs on tlc in the United States.  I, for one, watch this show online and absolutely love it!  I think it shows a great example on how people can live and thrive in a polygamous relationship.  Alhamdullilah!
Apparently, some of these Sisters from the polygyny group find this show offensive and haram.  #1-- They are Mormon....  #2---Its TV, and from what I am told by them, TV is evil.
So, it has been decide that the group will no longer entertain any discussion concerning the show.  They will not post anything you say about it because they don't believe in it.  CENSORSHIP ANYONE??  I refuse to take part in a group that will do something like that just because they don't like what you talk about.
We as Muslims are sometimes quick to point the finger at non Muslim's.  They are bad, they do bad things....etc etc.... Why can we not find our common similarities instead of focusing on the differences?  These women in this Polygny Group are too quick to point our that these sisters are Mormon..  SO WHAT??  My family is Christian and I still speak to them, learn from them and hope that one day Allah will guide them to Islam.
Ok, on the the topic of TV being haram..... Hmmm.  I guess you can look at this from all different angles.  From my understanding, the woman that told me that TV was haram was sending me the message on her computer...which, according to some scholars, is also haram.  Some scholars will even go so far to say that women shouldn't even use the computer without a male relative present.  Crazy.....

So, what I want to know.  When is too much too much?  How extreme do we have to be as Muslims to call ourselves good Muslim's?  Am I really going to burn in hell for watching Sister Wives on TV when ALLAH(SWT) knows that my intention is to grow and understand polygyny so I can benefit in my own life?

Will the man who trims his beard nice, but still has a beard, burn in hell as some people say?  Or how about me?  I work outside my home in an office with men.  Is hell awaiting me because of this?

Do we always have to have a "them against us attitude"?

I work hard every day to be a good Muslimah....InshaAllah.  I cover, more than just hijab, and I pray my 5 daily prayers and then some.  I am good to my family and my husband...Alhamdullilah!

So tell me, to what extent is too extreme??? 

This is not a court of law, no need to judge....

Where is everyone from?

I have installed a flag counter to my blog just out of curiosity on who drops by to visit... :) Where are you from?  I see a few different countries....Leave me a comment.  I would love to learn more. 

Acceptance....finally??

Well, I have been conversing with my possible future co wife and I have come to the conclusion.........that it is a perfect fit! Inshallah..only good things to come. I only hope that one day soon Allah will fill my insecurites with love and compassion.

It's been a while

Well first off, I havent blogged in about a month. I have been keeping myself busy not trying to focus too much on this. Try as I might, I still find this "second wife quest" at the for front of my life. This seems to be a daily struggle for me. I have good days and bad days and many "freak out" sessions in the middle...haha InshaAllah, Allah will guide us all on the right path. I am still coming to grips with the fact that in a few months I will be officially, "The first wife". My dear husband has found a young woman who is actually speaking to her family as I write this. I have to say, she is a beautiful soul...MaashaAllah! I had coffee with her last week and she expressed a strong desire to be not only my co-wife but my sister/friend. She spoke of our family merging as one. Her children and my children raised together. Is it too good to be true? Ughhh. I want to accept this but my insecurities have a way of rearing their ugly head. You see, I am in my 30's I am nothing like the "typical arab bride" that every Arab family wishes for their son/brother. I was married for quite a long time before(no children) and very far from a "virgin bride". I can not speak arabic that well, cant cook the food, I am not fat but not skinny(few extra pounds) and most importantly I am a new convert to Islam... And to top it off, and no baby yet(which is ranked as priority number one in this part of the world) Wife number 2?... Well. She is 25, local girl, never married, and SKINNY..HAHA speaks the language and is everyting that a family in this part of the world want for their son/brother. My question is, where does that leave me? Will I always be veiwed as the "American Wife" with a look of shock? Ohh she is the "older wife" Ugghh.. I know my husband loves me dearly. He is so kind and loving to me and I couldnt ask for anything more from him. Anyhow, I try not to let these thoughts in my head but they always come back. I pray that Allah makes this easy for me and all of us that will soon be brought together.
This isnt court...feel free to coment but no need to judge....