Salaam Alaikum everyone.
I am going to switch gears a little and hit on a new topic. The mahrem system in Islam. I get the whole "it's set to protect a woman...yada yada yada.." My problem lies is should this be in effect for me? haha
Here is the story. I haven't seen my family or my country in over a year. I miss them both terribly. I will start my annual leave the end of this week. I only get this once a year. So, if I don't go now I will have to wait until next November to go. My company gives me one ticket home a year. Awesome deal. So, ticket booked, 4 days until we leave, already started getting things in order, family is looking forward to seeing me and meeting my new husband, ........I was told today that we can not go. The time off my husband expected to get was not approved. Cancel plans. I cant even go by myself for fear "something may happen". Really? Ok. This is my country, my family. I am a 30 something year old woman. I have not been Muslim my entire life. Just the past year and half. I am used to doing things for myself. I can navigate a huge international airport by myself. I am not your typical Arab girl that doesn't even speak in public. Why is ok for me to function as a normal human being when its convenient, work, store etc...but if its something like this, he gets all
"Religious and protective" over me. If he is that protective, why am I working? Why do I work with out Niqaab(but wear it everywhere else)... Mix with men for my job...Why do I drive? Why do I go to the store on my own?...You get my point.
You know, I am beyond irritated right now.. Pissed actually. Sad and hurt. He can travel all over to differnt countries to find "number 2" but I cant even go see my country or my family?....... Really? This is my life? Why do I put up with him searching for another woman to sleep with, not let me travel alone to see my family.....? Do I have a sign on my back that says "I like to be walked on?" I am really re thinking this whole situation......Damn you Satan.. Get out of my head!
Seriously......The urge to slap someone is still there....
Wow. This is bullshit. You really need to go home for a vacation! I understand you would LIKE him to go, but he doesn't NEED to go.
ReplyDeleteI think from his point of veiw (probably)that its okay for you to work, do everything you want on your own as long as your in the same area as him or within a distance that if something were to happen, he could help you. But in another country, I think thats where the worry lies, and i think its abit of insecurity too.. Allahu Alim Im just guessing. xox
ReplyDelete@Slave2Allah.. Salaam Sister. I think it has to do with a hadeeth that says a woman shouldnt travel more than 40 miles or so from her home with out a mahrem. Is that correct? Anyways...it is what it is and I love the idea of someone looking out for me but...haha Sometimes it feels suffocating.
ReplyDelete@Savannah. I know where u are comming from. I feel that way from time to time but because I am a Muslim woman, I have to listen to my husband and understand that it is his job to protect me. Its hard sometimes because I think back to my "old" way of doing things. Anyways, if I did go to the states...he would need to go. Its just how it is. Anyhow, I spoke to him this morning and we still may make the trip in the middle of the month....inshallah. I am praying....
Thanks for the comments ladies..
uhhm why are you working? I hope it's not to contribute to the household expenses? or is it just to keep busy? If your husband can't support you financially 100% he should not even be allowed to say the words 'second wife'. Islamic marriage for a woman is the fulfillment of her financial, physical and emotional needs. (and desire for children). If you take away the financial aspect, only the physical and emotional aspects remain - like in the West, where relationships are about sex and companionship only (and where polygamy is unimaginable). Only where the woman is in severe need of financial support (i.e. she's unable to earn her own income or lives in a society where women don't work outside the home) will she renegotiate her innate desire for total emotional commitment. If you are able to earn an independent livelihood, you will find it very hard to negotiate the emotional (and physical) aspect.
ReplyDeleteSalaam...
ReplyDeleteYes I work. I work because I like to be out of the house. I have no children. I have worked my entire life and can not imagine not doing it. Maybe when I have children that may change. I dont feel that sitting at home, going to the mall, salon or what ever else women do durining the day is beneficial to me. I like to keep busy. As to my supporting the house? No, I do not need to. My husband is able to support us 110% alhamdullilah! I do spend some of my money on the house but that is by my choosing. Never once nor will he ever ask for my money. It is my choice if I choose to buy grocerys or something for the house. I am not so shallow as to keep the reciept and ask for my money back like some women. I dont have to worry about bills or anything I did before in my old life....Alhamdulilliah...he takes care of me completly.
Obviously he is a pig that uses you , he has no sharuf (honor) and that is why he allows u to work. He is using u til he finds better and you are obviously an insecure fool.
ReplyDeleteI pray God will open your eyes
Things are good now...haha We will be traveling during Eid..inshallah
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous... I debated on posting your "opinion" or deleting it. I decided to post it, it will be the last time. I will not address you directly from this point on. I have made a post dedicated just for you ....ENJOY....May God forgive you for your ignorance and your inherent need to judge... AMEEN
ReplyDelete@ anonymous
ReplyDeleteThe mother of Belivers Khadijah (R.a) used to work. She had her own business and Prophet Muhammad (sws) who was her husband at the time, allowed her, so your stance that a man who allows his wife to work has no "Sharuf" as you put it has no basis in Islam. And your idea that he is using her? UM FOR WHAT?
Your extremley rude and need some sharuf.
There is a difference between being allowed to earn money and working in an environment where intermingling is de riguer. Sure, Khadija RA was a business woman who contracted men to conduct business for her. This is vastly different to the way women work in offices with men today, talking and interacting. A man who doesn't mind his female relatives interacting with men is a 'dayyuth'.
ReplyDeleteI would hardly call my husband an "dayyuth" haha you are funny. Do you even know what I do for work? Ahhhh so quick to judge. I exhaust myself to correct your ignorance, but I will choose to end this discussion now. Again....Please be careful when you choose to judge your fellow Muslims... Salaam
ReplyDeleteI just saw this post, dont know where I been, but hugs to you girlie <3 you always make me proud.
ReplyDeleteSweetie, I didn't say you intermingle with men (I don't know). I just said the way the women during the time of the Prophet Pbuh earned their money is vastly different to how women do it today (fact). I also didn't say that your husband is a dayyuth (I don't know that either). BTW not the same anonymous as anonymous #1 :-)
ReplyDeleteHi there,
ReplyDeleteFYI there is an add on that only allows people who register with their email to leave a comment. So, no Anonymous abusers leaving you comments where you are unable to block them.
I can email it to you when you have time.
Have a safe trip!