Monday, October 11, 2010
Another month passes.....still nothing
My husband and I have been trying since March to no avail. I know, everyone says to wait a year until you get worried. It's my insecurities playing on my mind again. I want to be pregnant first before he marries again. Is that so selfish of me? I want to show people that I am not this "dried up 30 something Divorce".
Everyone says, "In God's time" But I can't help but feel punished for my past life. Punished for waiting so long to have children. Ughhh... I am going crazy.
I just have this deep insecurity that "she" will get pregnant right away, people will look at my husband and say, "I told you so" and she will get the love from my husband that I feel is meant for me.
Ok, that's my pity party for the day...hahah
They say to want for your sister what you want for yourself......May Allah forgive me, because in this case, I can say that I don't want that.
I feel like I give and give and give some more in this whole ordeal. Now its my turn! My turn to be selfish! I want the baby. I want to be the one who is pregnant first.
I am bad to feel this way aren't I? How do I get past this?
This is not court....Leave a comment but no need to judge....