Monday, October 11, 2010

Another month passes.....still nothing

Salam everyone..... Here I sit totally depressed.  I was so happy this morning when I woke up... Yippppeeee!!  One day past....Going to get the test tonight. I was SO SURE this month was it!  Then, like a crushing wall.  BAM!  That damn Aunt Flo came. 

My husband and I have been trying since March to no avail.  I know, everyone says to wait a year until you get worried.  It's my insecurities playing on my mind again.  I want to be pregnant first before he marries again.  Is that so selfish of me?  I want to show people that I am not this "dried up 30 something Divorce".

Everyone says, "In God's time"  But I can't help but feel punished for my past life.  Punished for waiting so long to have children.  Ughhh... I am going crazy.

I just have this deep insecurity that "she" will get pregnant right away, people will look at my husband and say, "I told you so"  and she will get the love from my husband that I feel is meant for me. 

Ok, that's my pity party for the day...hahah

They say to want for your sister what you want for yourself......May Allah forgive me, because in this case, I can say that I don't want that.

I feel like I give and give and give some more in this whole ordeal.  Now its my turn!  My turn to be selfish!  I want the baby.  I want to be the one who is pregnant first.


I am bad to feel this way aren't I?  How do I get past this?

This is not court....Leave a comment but no need to judge....


  1. Ask Allah swt to give you a baby.

    :) Make dua.

  2. Salam Sister.....

    I think he is tired of hearing from me...hahaha. Dua, Dua, Dua yes, and I will continue to no matter what. :) Thanks sister..

  3. Hi there,

    Have you been getting any of my messages? Thank you for the kind words on my blog :)

  4. Hi Dear,

    The only one I got was when you first posted. How are you doing? I have tried to comment on your issue you are going thru( I have the same exact thing) as I have dealt with it for years. For some reason I can not post a comment to your new blog.

    Are you doing ok?

  5. I had to fix a little glitch at the comment section and I think it is good to go. I had my surgery...yikes, what a terrible experience that was!

    All is good now though (I hope), biopsy in a couple of months.

    PS: It is thanksgiving here in Canada. I got all ready to go to the Valley with my kids and husband and then my back gave out. SO here I am home alone waiting for them to come back with leftovers! Where are you BTW?

  6. It was an awful procedure wasnt it?? OMG....Thought I was going to go thru the roof....YIKES.... add me on yahoo .. aj197732. We can chat more about where I am from and that awful procedure..haha

  7. Inshallah in time it will come. Dont feel bad at all i had the same feeling, like I wanted to be the 1st one to have his baby. omg you are so in my brain these days lol. When you do have a little baby it will be so adorable. And no matter if its now or after they marry he will still love you and the baby. I have no kids and know little about fertility but 30 something is surly not old at all. Often we have a plan for ourselves that is completely different from the plan Allah has for us.

  8. Oh sister, please don't despair! I too, was a 'dried up 30-year-old' and now at 35 I have a beautiful baby girl mashaAllah tabarakAllah. She is the joy of the whole family (she's one of 16 or so cousins/grandkids). I believe that because dh and I were patient, Allah blessed us with the loveliest little ray of sunshine. Just keep making du'a especially in sujood, when you get up in the night to pray. Keep strong! May Allah keep you eman strong and bless you with lots and lots of children if it is good for you. Wassalaam,Aliyah

  9. Thanks everyone for the loving comments and support. I go see a fertility doc next week, I will keep you all posted. Lots of dua in between ..;)

  10. I'm a new follower of your blog First Wife and I just wanted to say don't feel bad about wanting to be the first to give your husband a child. I think once he gives you the security you need and your Allah (Is that what you call your God?) gives you the wisdom to see it, you will not feel so strongly about it.
    I am dating a family as their potential 3rd wife and the first two wives told me a story back when they first married and they had huge jealousies with each other. The first wife would rub in the second wife's face that she had children first with the husband and 2nd wife couldn't have any. Then the birth control didn't work and 2nd gave husband his first son, so the second wife thought better of herself and first wife felt sorry for what she did because now she felt insecure like the 2nd wife did.
    It's all these emotions and they stink sometimes, but do not worry! I'm sure you will be blessed with many children:)

  11. “Rabbi laa tadharni fardan wa anta khayr ul-waaritheen (O my Lord! Leave me not single (childless), though You are the Best of the inheritors).” This is a beautiful du’aa’ which is very appropriate in this case. Also suitable is another prayerof Zakariya: “Rabbi hab li min ladunka dhurriyyatan tayyibatan innaka samee’ al-du’aa’ (O my Lord! Grant me from You a good offspring. You are indeed the All-Hearer of invocation).

    May Allah grant you the best of offspring and give you more than could ever imagine.

    :) You will concieve Insha'ALLAH! Insha'ALLAH Insha'ALLAH!

    You will be in my Dua.

  12. Thank you for the comment potential. And thank you for following my blog. I appreciate all your comments. I just wanted to follow up on one point you made about ALLAH being "my God" ALLAH is the arabic name for God. The Chrisitan Arabs here also use that name. It's just like in the Spanish language God is called Dios. English=God Arabic=Allah. :) We all have the same God. "Your God, My God" HE is all the same.. :) Thanks for your comments :)

  13. Thank you for the dua sister....When I get home tonight I will be deffinatly do it! :)

  14. A tip the wife of an Anglican priest gave me...try taking a teaspoon of Robitussin every night for a month. Supposedly loosens up the mucus in the female parts and makes it easier for the little man critters to swim to their intended target. :)


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