Sunday, October 17, 2010
Why do I have to sacrifice?
I am so angry! I don't want to hear one more person tell me to pray, tell me that I need to bear this with patience, that I will be "rewarded" for this. What bullshit...really! Speaking my mind here people so bear with me. I am tired of trying to only make my hubby happy. I fell like I am getting the shaft here. There is a saying where I am from, "Don't kiss the ass thats about ready to shit on you"
Thats how I feel today.. Kissing all the asses while they just "unload"
I feel that my dear husband is gaining everything in this "deal" and what do I get? A bag full of shit. That's what I get! I get a bunch of nice insecurities to add to the ones I already have.
So, he gets to meet someone, chat, build a relationship, marry, fall in love blah blah blah! Me? I get to grow older, no children, work work work work. That's what I get. Oh, and we will probably all live together so I get to see her stupid face every day. I want to run. Run far away.
Quite a stark contrast to earlier posts hu? Well, I have been thinking. And this is how I feel today. I am full of hate and anger. I don't give a rip roaring crap who sees this or who will condemn me for my "un islamic" feelings or words. How can God say its ok to hurt me? How can God tell me to bear the hardship with patience while my husband is off having sex and building a family with someone else.
Forget this. I really cant take it. I don't want to see anyone right now. Including my husband. I may say something I will regret.
I could really use a cigarette(I used to smoke....A LOT) OHH...ANOTHER thing I gave up for this relationship....Hmm lets add that to the list... My home, my country, my friends, my family, my job......WTH...And he cant give this "right" of his up? Hmmm.. Who is giving and who is taking here?
Hope he enjoys his new "family"...Not really sure at this point I want to be here.