Friday, October 8, 2010

It's been a while

Well first off, I havent blogged in about a month. I have been keeping myself busy not trying to focus too much on this. Try as I might, I still find this "second wife quest" at the for front of my life. This seems to be a daily struggle for me. I have good days and bad days and many "freak out" sessions in the middle...haha InshaAllah, Allah will guide us all on the right path. I am still coming to grips with the fact that in a few months I will be officially, "The first wife". My dear husband has found a young woman who is actually speaking to her family as I write this. I have to say, she is a beautiful soul...MaashaAllah! I had coffee with her last week and she expressed a strong desire to be not only my co-wife but my sister/friend. She spoke of our family merging as one. Her children and my children raised together. Is it too good to be true? Ughhh. I want to accept this but my insecurities have a way of rearing their ugly head. You see, I am in my 30's I am nothing like the "typical arab bride" that every Arab family wishes for their son/brother. I was married for quite a long time before(no children) and very far from a "virgin bride". I can not speak arabic that well, cant cook the food, I am not fat but not skinny(few extra pounds) and most importantly I am a new convert to Islam... And to top it off, and no baby yet(which is ranked as priority number one in this part of the world) Wife number 2?... Well. She is 25, local girl, never married, and SKINNY..HAHA speaks the language and is everyting that a family in this part of the world want for their son/brother. My question is, where does that leave me? Will I always be veiwed as the "American Wife" with a look of shock? Ohh she is the "older wife" Ugghh.. I know my husband loves me dearly. He is so kind and loving to me and I couldnt ask for anything more from him. Anyhow, I try not to let these thoughts in my head but they always come back. I pray that Allah makes this easy for me and all of us that will soon be brought together.
This isnt court...feel free to coment but no need to judge....


  1. Salaams, Glad to see you posting again. To your question "where does this leave me" When your husband married you he had his reasons.Just because people may come from the same culture doesnt mean they will automatically be the perfect match. Inshallah #2 is a nice girl. But the differences in your culture to his was probably one of the things that he was most attracted to. You can teach him things about you and share things about your American lifestyle and upbringing that she cannot. It is not bad that you and her seem to have many opposites. This is the same with me and my possible 2nd. But you will always be #1. You have built a foundation with him, and together inshallah your marriage will only grow stronger. You are still young and fly. 30 something is not old at all. Look at this as a continuous learning experience. Unless your hubby was in polygamy before this will be new to him too. So everyone will have to adjust. With the 3 of you not having children yet, this can be a good thing, (same boat here) inshallah when you do have kids it will be after the transition period after everyone has adjusted to each other. Dont let your insecurities get the best of you. Its so hard not to in this situation, trust me i know. Try to think positive and know no matter what you are beautiful and awesome and your husband loves you for many many reasons. #2 he doesnt love, whatever relationship they will have will take time to build. You have the upper hand dont forget. Just keep in mind you bring alot to the table. I look at polygamy like having children(even tho i have no kids lol) when a mom has a baby she loves the baby so much. Then when she has a 2nd kid she also loves the kid so much and possibly for different reasons, but the love for the 2nd baby doesnt take away love from the first child. Try to keep this in mind. inshallah things will work out :-)

  2. Asalamu alaikum sis, I have to see I already admire you! Wow MAsha'Allah, You are blessed! You have a good husband and seems like a good co-wife but Im not sure, I still want you to out-shine her! awww hehe. Oopss. dont let the fact that your 30 something let you down. Your still young! Take advantage of your youth and your the fact that your a convert is enough to make the whole ummah love you.

    Learn how to make the arabic food, you will be suprised how much he will appreciate that you try to learn these things for him and how sweet you will appear.

    Your unique and your you and no-one can match you!

    I belive you have visited my blog

  3. Salam and Thanks Sisters....

    I am learning all sorts of new things living here in the Middle East, so the cooking is starting to come along. Who knew there were so many different ways to cook rice?? hahah

    I just have to stay positive and all will work out the way it's meant to.

  4. salaam alaikum,

    I just came across your blog and really enjoy it, mashaAllah! Although I could never share my husband I do find the idea very intersting, and of course it is the sunnah. I look foward to reading more of your posts and seeing where this journey takes you

  5. Alaikum Salam Rene....Welcome, welcome and thanks for the comment!
    I have 3 words for you....NEVER SAY NEVER..haha I remember saying the same exact thing but here I am. Who knows what Allah has in store for us. I read your profile. MashaAllah! You are kind of like me. I am a convert and also packed up my bags and moved across the "big pond" to start my new life...Best move I ever made. InshaAllah, I will follow you as well.
    I also look forward to seeing where this journey takes me....and takes us all for that matter..

  6. umm.... monogamy is also sunnah (but you never hear it mentioned in that context). In fact it was the FIRST sunnah marriage for 25 years until the death of Gadija RA - polygynous marriage only after for 13 years under strict conditions and not without upheaval (wives lying to Prophet SWA out of jealousy (honey incident) and playing mean tricks on fellow wives (Sauda dusty room)). And these were the best of women! Why is polygamy pandered as somehow better than monogamy? Unless you want to make life harder for yourself.....


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