The journey through life sometimes takes a differnt road than we have planned, but this is my journey and my trials along the way. I am not perfect, but I try to live my life and not sweat the small stuff.
Friday, October 8, 2010
It's been a while
Well first off, I havent blogged in about a month. I have been keeping myself busy not trying to focus too much on this. Try as I might, I still find this "second wife quest" at the for front of my life. This seems to be a daily struggle for me. I have good days and bad days and many "freak out" sessions in the middle...haha InshaAllah, Allah will guide us all on the right path. I am still coming to grips with the fact that in a few months I will be officially, "The first wife". My dear husband has found a young woman who is actually speaking to her family as I write this. I have to say, she is a beautiful soul...MaashaAllah! I had coffee with her last week and she expressed a strong desire to be not only my co-wife but my sister/friend. She spoke of our family merging as one. Her children and my children raised together. Is it too good to be true? Ughhh. I want to accept this but my insecurities have a way of rearing their ugly head. You see, I am in my 30's I am nothing like the "typical arab bride" that every Arab family wishes for their son/brother. I was married for quite a long time before(no children) and very far from a "virgin bride". I can not speak arabic that well, cant cook the food, I am not fat but not skinny(few extra pounds) and most importantly I am a new convert to Islam... And to top it off, and no baby yet(which is ranked as priority number one in this part of the world) Wife number 2?... Well. She is 25, local girl, never married, and SKINNY..HAHA speaks the language and is everyting that a family in this part of the world want for their son/brother. My question is, where does that leave me? Will I always be veiwed as the "American Wife" with a look of shock? Ohh she is the "older wife" Ugghh.. I know my husband loves me dearly. He is so kind and loving to me and I couldnt ask for anything more from him. Anyhow, I try not to let these thoughts in my head but they always come back. I pray that Allah makes this easy for me and all of us that will soon be brought together.
This isnt court...feel free to coment but no need to judge....