Monday, December 27, 2010

Hello? Remember me??


Not been a very good day.  I worked for 10 hours, came home and did 2 loads of laundy, dishes, made supper and mopped the floor.  Hubby was on the computer the entire time.  Even through dinner.  Then when we finished, he left with a friend.

I don't mean to complain about him its just been a crappy day.  Feeling like everyone is taking advantage of me and not giving me what I deserve in return. 

I am very sad and need to go to bed so this day goes away.  Going to make du'a so ALLAH helps me through this period of my life.

I am feeling very left out today.  

16 comments:

  1. We Love You!!!! ...LOL :D
    I know the feeling... welcome to my world sweetie! ..wait until you have some kids (InshaAllah Aameen) and all you will find yourself doing is 'serving their every whim'... from morning to night... And then the husband?! I hate these computers with a passion!!! ..if it wasn't because I get to communicate with all of you and at least 'escape' for a second I would trash it... But don't fret.. your husband doesn't do this every single day, does he?! I'm sure not!!! Sit and read those beautiful posts you wrote some time ago about how attentive he was... I know how tired you must feel.. but remember men cannot read minds! InshaAllah the rest will do you good and you will wake up feeling much better... a new day awaits you tomorrow, InshaAllah!! Go recharge those batteries! :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Salam alaykoom to you dear Firs Wife.
    I am so touched with all of this you have written here in your blogg. I wanted to send you a message, but I don't how, so I type it as a comment.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was married to Saudi. He was the most honest, pureheard, kindest and handsom man I've ever seen. As I thought that time. I was impressed by his strong values he was talking me about, I was in love with his dream about big family with some children and I was happy knowing this pure heart before any woman. As I thought that time.
    We met in the web site not connected with marriages or dates, but from the first conversation he told me that he is looking for a wife. From the first sight he was in love with me... As he told me. He was talking about love and marriage like nobody before and I fell in love with him. He was talking and imagining our son with light eyes and skin, he had even a name for him already. We were spending many hours chatting, talking, calling, and discussing about our life, past, future and islam blah, blah.....
    I was not a muslim yet and I didn't plan to convert. I believed though that his islamic values and his love to me it's enought to sacrifice my life for him in his strenge country. In the name of love, our future family and God.
    After 3 months of chatting I got married to him in a islamic way. I was over 30 and he as well, but I was his first sexual partner.
    After marriage unexpectedly he declared that he need also a Saudi wife - young virgin full veiled and from known family, choosen by his mother. I was in shock! Why he didn't say it before? Why he didn't even mention about it? His answer was: islam allows us to have 4 wives. He claimed that he loves me so much but this is a custom - to have a Saudi wife and pure blood children from her...So I thgought it means my children will be maybe as an assurance for his Arabic genes... It's a luxury to have a western wife besides an Arabic one. Not everyone can catch it. I was totally desperated, sad and angry in the same time. I was crying and I felt I lost myself in this toxic relationship. Who can be so cruel to marry a woman in love with him and after to say about the second one? The only excuse was Islam. I was such desperated that I wanted to convert for him only, but I couldn't. I didn't want to accept this strenge low what allows for a polygyny.
    Anyway my husband started his hunting. In a web of course. He joined to some dates sites as a paid member. He claimed he wants to make things clear and he gave me his password opening all his privacy, messengers, mails and accounts...I told him I don't need to open it, I want to trust him. He told me about a Saudi girl choosen by his mother, then about one of cousines, then that he must choose her by his heart...blah blah. And when I mentioned about child he pronounced that he had an operation and it needs a time to get it. So the next one surprise...

    ReplyDelete
  4. I was over 30. In that sickly situation I felt how I am getting old with every second. I was very atractive woman - of course if I was ugly nobody wouldn't merry me. Specially an Arab having a possibility to merry 4...But I felt not atrractive, too thin - he wanted me to have some extra pounds, but I couldn't eat and smile and be fantastic lover. I lost all power to be a nice wife for my Arabic prince.
    So we had been living together, he was traveling for conferences, work, bussines meetings...
    One day I felt very lonely and I opened his mail box...It was the worst moment in my life. He was traveling to those girls to Bahrain, Dubai talking to me that he goes to a conferrence. All those girls were not Arabs. He lied to them in yahoo. One time he was married, one time he had 2 boys, other time he was pure and virgin looking for big love...Every word was killing me. So many lies...And in the same time he was the most wonderful and kindest man for me traiting me as a queen. He didn't allow me to work, because it's humiliating for a man when his wife goes to work...I lost many months and self - esteem closing myself in a toxic circle.
    One day my husband told me that he found a good girl and wants to merry he by misyar. Before he told me that this kind of marriage with mutah and egiptian orfi are forbidden in islam. Now it's acceptable because of circumstances.
    I know how it looked like. She was western woman about 25 working in Dubai. Muslimah. That's why my pure husband as a Saudi from holy land wanted to be a honest with her. He was going to her every week and spending 2 days with her paying her for that of course. It a formal prostitution. She needed money to make her life more comfortable and he needed a sexual expiriences. That's all.
    Don't be blind First Wife. A man who loves his wife never looks forward others because he doesn't need the other expiriences,adventures.

    I demanded a divorce. He didn't want to accept my decision. I spent some months fighting about my freedom.
    It was some years ago. I came back to Europe converted to islam and I met wonderful man. Also Saudi. I told him about my story as to a brother. I got married to him after 2 years very pure and honest relationship.

    Anna

    ReplyDelete
  5. aw :( *big hug* I hope that Allah swt mends your heart sweety. Your a good person.

    ReplyDelete
  6. As salaamu alaykum.

    I'm going to make dua' to Allah as well, for Him to help you through this period of your life. I hurts my heart to read this, but I know we all have to travel our own path. It is simply a way of Allah showing you not to rely on a man for your happiness, but rely on Allah. Human beings let you down, they have their own agendas and they act accordingly. Allah's agenda is YOU, getting you to rely on Him totally, getting you to seek His Comfort, His Guidance, His Company, and His Love.

    You may be married, but your husband is just someone beside you on the road along with loads of other people. You won't be asked about what he did, or judged by it. Sometimes we need that separation to remind ourselves that it really is all about you and Allah. Your relationship with your Creator is key to everything else.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Awe :-) seems like too many of my blogger ladies are having bad days :-( my umi always says "this too shall pass" inshallah tomorrow will be 100x better than today and your hubbie will show u some appreciation. I think men often don't realize how much goes a long way. Hang in there maybe he had alot on his mind. Everyday is a journey and we can only take things one step at a time :-) hugs

    ReplyDelete
  8. You know,

    I am on the opposite side of the world but I am having the worst week I have had in a few years now. All my demons are here paying me unexpected and to be honest with you, unwanted visits.

    I would like to say to you, hold on and it gets better but I cannot. Because at the moment I feel just about defeated as one can get. Cannot get ahead in this silly life and I am just plain tired of all the ugliness in this world!

    You are not alone..

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thank you ladies...Words can not express how appreciative I am of all your wonderful comments..alhamduliliah!! Love you all for the sake of ALLAH...see you when I get back from my break..

    @Anna thank you so much for you kind words and telling us your story....Mashallah Sister! I will address you more in detail when I can give you my full attention. In the meantime, if you would like to add me on, i am on yahoo chat. Not all the time, but sometimes you can find me there. aj197732

    ReplyDelete
  10. Salam alaykum sis, hope things are better now inshaAllah...*smile*

    ReplyDelete
  11. as-salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah,

    I am sorry to hear about your bad day you had... inshallah it was just that day and things have been better :)

    I am sorry I also started commenting on your blog a week or two back... without any kind of introduction... I can't even remember how I came upon your blog LOL I have a really bad memory!!

    anyhow, I am an American living in UAE and I am married to a UAE national :)

    I have always seen stories/blog posts about women who are already in polyganous marriages, but yours is the experiences leading up to the possibility of your marriage becoming polygynous. I know not all of your posts are about this but it is certainly interesting to read about the thoughts of what your marriage and where it is possibly going.

    Inshallah Allah gives you lots of patience and keeps you strong.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Alaikum Salaam twizzle!!! Welcome to my blog. Yes, this is the journey into polygyny...I have my good days and bad days, as you can tell. haha. My story is a little different as I knew about this before I married my husband. He is always up front and honest with me..Mashallah. I couldnt ask for a better man. He has his flaws, but dont we all? :) I am with him thru his search for number 2 which is turning out to be a bit more difficult than he had expected...People always tend to be not as they seem....but it happens. Anyways, I am in the Gulf as well... :) Keep reading, its just starting to get interesting.. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Assalmu Alaikum, sister! Don't expect your husband to know, you want/need attention. Don't expect him to know what you are going through without telling him. If you want a hug, ask him! If you're feeling neglected, or want some help, let him know! Let him know you had a bad day and you just want to spend some time with him. Inshallah, he will understand and make you feel better. And hey, cleaning can wait. You don't gotta rush it! I hope you feel better, sister! Stay positive. And stay smiling. Xo.

    ReplyDelete

Life is too short to be hateful. Just because you disagree with something, doesn't make it wrong. I welcome your comments but please refrain from being hateful. :)