So....Aunt Flo came by today. She knows she isn't welcome but she insists on coming every month! I remember a time yrs ago that I PRAYED she would come....Now I PRAY she stays away...
I am wondering to myself when should I stop? We have been trying for a year now and nothing. I know its "not that long" per say, but I will be 34 in a few weeks. Is it too old for a baby? Will this be something that I never experience? This is a sad realization that I seem to be coming to terms with.
Am I set in my ways, would I even have enough patience for a baby? Sometimes I wonder. I was going to go to the Dr. today to discuss fertility but since Aunt Flo came by, I canceled. I didn't reschedule. Not sure if I will.
What do you think? Am I getting to the stage to just be happy with what ALLAH has and will give me? Should I pursue this issue? Ughhhh.. So confused!
Needing some advice....
Salams sister you're not to old at all, don't give up. I visited this site sometime ago, and found it helpful. She has a lot of advice for woman's health how to increase fertility, and many other female issues. I found it very informative. http://sisterzeus.com/infergen.html
ReplyDeleteAs salaamu alaykum wa Rahmat Allah wa Barakatuh,
ReplyDeleteI married at 37, had my first child at 38 and my second at 40 or 41. It's not too late! Frankly, I got pregnant 2.5 months after getting married, and I found it very hard to be sick and tired when I was still just getting used to my husband. consider this year a blessing, because once that sperm zaps the egg, everything that you know about your body and hormones changes drastically.
I do understand that Chaste Tree Berry (Vitex) is good for trying to conceive, as is maca powder, which balanced hormones. As they are natural, might be worth giving a try. The best medicine though is to trust in Allah and RELAX! Everything is part of the Master Plan...and as long as you keep flying the "red flag" know that it is what Allah has deemed as best for you for now.
As for your doctors appointment, please reschedule. I found out last year that my thyroid was out of sync and caused a spate of miscarriages. It's amazing how small things can make a big difference, so better to be safe than sorry.
I pray Allah soothes your heart, gives you sabr, and blesses you with a pious little mini-you very soon - ameen.
Like Mai says.. it's not late at all!!! I got married at 33 had my first at 34.. and it only took half a second after marriage to get pregnant. I had 2 miscarriages after that and our second will be 2 years in February. InshaAllah we are trying for a 3rd and I think after that the 'shop' will close.. lol!! So no... it's not too late at all!!! Reschedule that appointment and get a good check up!! By Allah's Fadhl you will be a mom soon, InshaAllah :D
ReplyDeleteThanks Ladies....I just get discouraged thats all. You hear of all these "accidents" and "whoops" I WANT A "WHOOPS" HAHAH. I am known for little patience.. I will reschedule my apt and keep you all posted....
ReplyDeleteI don't think it is too late at all. I'm 29 and we won't be able financially to start trying for a couple of years. If God wills it then He will allow you to become pregnant. Take care and enjoy trying and enjoy sleeping the night through! lol :-)
ReplyDeleteno your not too late! I plan on having children when Im in my 20's and thirties Insha'Allah! Women have children up until their 40's..
ReplyDeleteI have a theory, I looked up the most fertile countries in the world, and I had a look at the most predominatley eaten foods and their diets. I found that most of them ate foods that coincedently balance the hormones as well as boost fertility. It might sound silly but actually food can trigger alot of things in the body which can make or break it.
Everything is by the will of Allah, and everything created by Allah has a benefit to serve our bodies so take advantage dear. :) I have been eating the following foods and I found that it balanced my hormones and made me flow regurley.
Beans (ful)
Lentils
Honey
Avacado
Olives
Chickpeas
Milk
Veal Liver
Sesame Sead Paste (Tahina)
Fenugreek powder dissolved in hot water
Molokhia (Jute Mallow Leave)
You want to stay away from caffine at all costs, do NOT eat excess meats, or processed foods that have MSG's. So that means instant mash potatoes, paremsan cheese, sausages, KFC, flavoured chips such as doritos and and cheetos, Ranch dressing, Gravy, Soy Sauce.. oh the list is endless.
Insha'Allah this can increase your fertility chances naturally, without taking Herb supplements such as Vitex which do regulate periods but cause misscarriages.
Everything will be okay sis, Insha'Allah.
Love you for the sake of Allah!!
Assalaamu alaykum sis!
ReplyDeleteDon't give up trying, especially don't give up hope! You don't know what Allah has in store for you...But do be accepting of where you are right now. I think that's key.
My personal story: My husband had chemotherapy and radiology for cancer at 16. Cancer was so far advanced that they removed a teste. Docs told him he couldn't have children so better freeze some sperm. He didn't. Anyway we married years later - he 31 and me 30.
I've had a couple of miscarriages. People put the pressure on but if they knew our situation they wouldn't really. They just say 'inshaAllah' with this pity look in their eyes. Our feelings were: alhamdulillah if we do and alhamdulillah if we don't. Really. We thought maybe it's not good for us to have kids, so Allah hasn't willed it for us. We didn't go to docs for IVF/fertility either. I gave birth Feb this year (at 35 years)! Walhamdulillah, mashaAllah tabarakAllah!
Lots of women give birth over 30/35/40. Don't believe the scare stories, just have fun trying. Just have s*x, lots of it and have fun doing that, don't put pressure on yourselves that it's the right time. I read a story of a woman who started at 38 and had four by the time she was 45! That gave me a lot of incentive to keep trying because I thought my first time would be my last. Just kept making du'a and be patient above all because Allah knows best. I know that sounds trite but from my experience in this I've found it to be the most Islamically sound thing to do but also psychologically it takes pressure off you because some couples have broken up due to pressure. First you are husband and wife and second you are would-be parents.
Take care, sis!
~Aliyah
Don't give up! Just keep trying and make that appointment for the doctor :)
ReplyDeleteSalam,
ReplyDeleteDont give up on the baby.. My sister had her 3rd baby last year and she was 35... I am 29 and still haven't had a baby... Just relax and go to your doctor. Some woman it takes a little longer.. Insha'Allah you will be blessed with a bundle of joy..We woman are blessed to have children. Might not be when we want to but when Allah says we are ready..
My husband and I are getting ready to try and have a baby. I havent gotten my Aunt Flow for 8 months now but its because of my Hypo thyroid that I'm unbalance... We are still going to try though!!
Dont give up, Allah will bless you with a child when you are ready Insha'Allah.
Salam
Mrs. Khan
you are still so young!!! My SIL is 36 and pregnant. I have known many women to conceive in their late 30s early 40s. Never give up!!! This is just a test from Allah (Swt) and when the time is right he will bless you with a child inshaAllah. In the meanwhile, eat a healthy diet, take vitamins, stay positive, do a detox (gets rid of toxins in your body), if you have hypothroidism take selenium or kelp (iodine) to help it function properly (worked for me). Hang in there! Hugs
ReplyDeleteSalam alaykum..
ReplyDeleteOffice boy and fertility problem :)
Alhamdulillah ya Rabb al alamin..
Allah Loves you too much so He gives you many fields to test your patience..
HUGS!
Salaams girlie, nope never too old. Inshallah you will be preggers soon. No worries. You are still very young. when Allah plans it, it will be. :-) hugs
ReplyDeleteI totally randomly came across your blog.. and I just had to comment on this post. First, preganancy, miscarriage, baby, etc are all from Allah so 7amdilah for everything, for truly He knows best. Personally, I got married at 31, had my first at 33. I had a miscarriage once too. Please note I have had PCOS since my early teens, and in past few years found a thyroid problem. Despite all of this, I had a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby.
ReplyDeleteA few tips: go to your doctor on Day 2 of your period. This is the day they will do a full blood work, which can tell many things about what's going on in your body. Then she can help determine what needs to be done next. For example, you will be able to track your ovulation or know if you will need medication to help ovulation. It is time consuming, where you may need to go to the doctor at least 3 times during the course of a few weeks so that she can pinpoint things. But don't give up please, enshalah you will have a good result.
Wow, mashaAllah tabarakAllah, so many uplifting stories - I really enjoyed reading.
ReplyDeleteI was talking to my hubby M yesterday about how alhamdulillah we had our baby girl and he also added (which I forgot about): a short while before I fell pregnant there was a brother at the masjid who felt sorry for my hubby that we didn't have any kids. He made lots of du'a for us and he told hubby to make lots of istighfar. M told me what the bro said and so I made lots and lots of istighfar. And alhamdulillah Allah promises to forgive...
رَبَّنََآ إنَّنَآ ءَاَمنَّا فَاغْفِرْ لَنَا ذُنُوبَنَا وَ قِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ
Rabbana innanā amanna, faghfir lana, dhunoobana wa-qinna 'adhāāban-naar
(Our Lord! we have indeed believed: forgive us, then, our sins, and save us from the agony of the Fire)
[surah Ali' Imran; 3:16]
MashaAllah Ahluuul... excellent acvise! :D
ReplyDeleteGiven that you've not yet decided whether to stay with your husband, and are dying of homesickness, how could you think of having a baby?
ReplyDeleteAlso, by what right do you think it's acceptable to give a child half a father, knowing full well that your fake husband will be dividing his time between his other wife and children?
Shame on you for even considering bringing an innocent baby into such a miserable, unhealthy situation, simply out of your selfish desire to keep your husband, perhaps because you think a baby will keep him from finding another wife? Well, it WON'T. Ask any other woman who's experienced this, or better yet, ask any child who was born into such a sick situation.
Thank you everyone for the wonderful comments. We will keep trying and will be going to see a Dr. in Jan.
ReplyDelete@amatulla76....I guess you only choose to read certain parts of my blog instead of the whole thing. You have obviously missed the MANY times I have expressed my love for my husband and that thoughts are not like actions. I would never leave. We have been thru too much. As for a reason not to have a child due to homesickness??? hmmmmm And really, not sure where you get the "fake" husband from..hahah He isnt a Ken doll. He is real dear. For the rest of your comments....Do you feel better spewing your hate? God bless you and forgive you and us all for judging another. If you dont like this blog and feel you can not comment unless you are full of hate....then go somewhere else...I would be GLAD to block you if you are unable.....Have a good day Sister...
*Hate? Hardly. Just thinking of the innocent life you're looking to ruin through your own selfishness.
ReplyDelete*Just so you know, I have indeed read your posts, including those wherein you stated you weren't down with polygyny and that you were rethinking things, wanting to go home, etc.
*As for what you posted on my LJ about me being "anti-Muslim," I'll respond here, since I don't think you'll get a notification because of your "anonymous" post: Given that I'm a Muslim, it's highly unlikely I'd be "anti-Muslim." What I AM, however, is anti-uninformed-converts-failing-to-learn-religion-and-taking-their- "husbands'"-word-that-culture=religion. You women behave like doormats and martyrs, either out of desperation or ignorance. Either way, it reflects badly on our religion and sets a bad example for Muslim children. All of the miserable Muslim polybloggers are converts. Do you think that's a coincidence? Arabs marry converts because they know they can walk all over them and they'll never demand their rights because they don't know any better, or allow their husbands to brainwash them.
So, rather than the "hate" you think I have for you, it's actually concern for my convert sisters because I see so very many of you going through the same thing and it DISGUSTS me, both that Muslim men behave so, and that Muslim women tolerate and even encourage it.
amatullah, it sounds like you have been scorned by an arab. Where are you getting your information from that majority of arabs mistreat converts? My husband is from morocco and in morocco majority of the arab men mistreat their wives who are "gasp" moroccan, not converts!!! Converts are more likely to stand up for themselves than born muslim women born into a set culture that goes against islam. You are going by your own personal experiences instead of fact...The problem is NOT convert women or even born muslim women, the problem is THE MEN who follow culture/tradition instead of islam. I am a convert and took great offense to your comment.
ReplyDelete@Rene.. THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR RESPONDING!! I was hoping some of my convert sisters would respond as I refuse to respond to this person anmore. Thank you for saying what you did and you read my mind! It's very insulting to say the least and this is coming from a Muslim Sister....Sad really.
ReplyDeleteJus read this Amatullah what's really good sis? There is too much beauty in this world to be mean and hateful. Do you get a kick out of being nasty? You should really ask forgiveness such behavior isn't necessary. Were u burned by some Arab dude? Also where do you get off judging her reasons for wanting to have a baby? That's rude. She has said many times she has a good sweet husband who loves her. Just because she is a convert do not think she is niave and a doormat. If she chooses to stay with her husband after he decides to practice a halal lifestyle then that's het choice not yours. Please try to purify your heart and mind by reading more Quran doing more ibadaah than being negative here. Clearly we can all benefit from more of that.
ReplyDeleteWell, to answer all your questions, I am an Arab woman, married quite happily for many years to an Arab man. So no, I haven't been "burned" by an Arab, nor am I a hater of converts, nor do I resent Arabs marrying non-Arabs.
ReplyDeleteWhere do I get my information about why Arabs marry converts? I have brothers, uncles, cousins, a community; all of them are quite open about the reasons for marrying converts. My neighbor has done this. His first wife is a convert who settled for next to nothing in her contract, and lives in a tiny apartment with an equally tiny allowance. His second wife, an Arab woman who KNEW how to protect herself in the marriage contract, has a good house in her name, a nice car, and plenty of money, as well as a great deal more of his time and attention. He laughs and jokes about this and says quite openly that he married a convert because they will "take anything" and in this way he was able to afford two. What does the first wife have to say about it? She pretty much sounds like you "It's his right, he's very good to me, I have to be patient, etc., etc." all the while she's being mistreated and feeling miserable, just like you and all the other women who blog about this. And her situation is not uncommon. While some men here are good husbands to their convert wives, most of them exploit the women in similar ways to what I've just described and what I read about on Muslim polygyny blogs.
You make yourselves unhappy and cry millions of tears for the sake of men who mistreat you. You're satisfied with small gestures of romance, but fail to demand your rights. If a woman is unhappy in polygyny, then she has the right to refuse it, yet you all seem to revel in your unhappiness. And then you bring children into such miserable situations.
It's sad and shameful that men behave in such ways, but it's equally sad and shameful that women enable their behavior.
Oh dear I had no idea what's been happening on this post.
ReplyDeleteI think if it was 'concern' that was driving Amatuallah76 to 'advise' it would have been done in a much nicer, less harsh way.
While being a doormat is not a part of Islam (yes women do have their rights), being rude and nasty certainly isn't a part of Islam either. At least the comments aren't anonymous.
I think Mrs Khan needs to come on over and start making some du'a for the sister.
Salam
ReplyDeleteIve just past my 1st year anniversary. My husband is working full time I am going to school full time BUT, I get a check from the VA (Veterans Association) because I was in the military for 8 years.. I earned this money and STILL helping my husband with the bills... We decided not to have a polgamy marriage because
1. I am a jealous woman
2. My husband says im a handful I keep him busy enough, he can handle another one lol
BUT THATS OUR DECSION.
I do not agree in judging nor writing really disrespectful comment... I will say this. growing up my mother taught me that a woman is the key to a fruitful and lasting marriage. If she follows God and respect herself and her husband he in turn will respect her and treat her well..
Marriage is not about money or contract. Im sorry i do not agree to that ideology. Womem can work and have their own money without being dependant on the man. If a woman thinks of that then she should reflect as to way she is getting married.
Marriage is a companionship, friendship combing two lives to work as ONE. To comfort each other and build a successful life TOGETHER. NOT to make a MAN take care of you just because.. Get off ur lazy butt and WORK!! (sorry the topic is getting to me)
If any woman decides with their husband to allow a second, third or fourth wife then it up to THEM (TWO PEOPLE NOONE ELSE).
FINAL THOUGHT
A MARRIAGE IS A BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING THING ALLAH BLESSED US TO HAVE. IF A WOMAN MARRIES THEN MARRY FOR LOVE, A UNION OF JOY AND HAPPINESS. KNOW THAT MARRIAGE IS A CONSTANT JOB TO MAINTAIN JOY AND PEACE. INSTEAD OF TEACHIMG OUR DAUGHTERS ABOUT ASKING FOR MONEY HOUSE OR JEWEL, LETS SHOW THEM EDUATION AND A STEPPING STONE TO FIANANCIAL SUCCESS.
LIKE THAT WHEN THEY LOOK AT MARRIAGE THEY DECIDES ON LOVE AND LASTING BLESSINGS FROM ALLAH INSTEAD OF LOOKING AT FUTURE DIVORCE!!!
I know this is long but just had to put my two sense in it...
@ the first wife.. if u agreed and ur husband agree and this is the best for u both may ALLAH BLESS YOU AND YOU MARRIAGE.
@ Ahluul yes I will make dua but I think it will be for everyone to find peace and the path of Allah.
I apologize if i offended anyone..
I you dont post this I understand
Salam
Mrs. Khan