Helpless....

Salaam...

The above picture is what I am going thru on a night to night basis.  Usually starting at 11 pm or midnight and lasting until 6 am or so.  Then during the day he is fussy and refuses to lay by himself or sit without us holding him.

I don't know what to do .  We rock, walk, sing, snuggle, eat.......nothing helps.  When he does sleep he will only do so on my chest or in his car seat.  Forget the crib, that sends him off the edge. I have a very high needs baby , poor little guy.  The more he eats the worse his belly hurts him but yet he is hungry all the time.

He wants to be held and comforted and I am exhausted.  I don't get more than an hour or two of sleep at a time and that really isn't sleep as I am on the couch or sitting in the rocking chair.  I don't want anyone else to watch him as they will just let him cry or they try to wrap him so tight he can't breath.  If I hear someone say, "Give me a week with him, he will learn who is in charge and stop crying." one more time, I may just snap.

I have learned some triggers that I do my best to avoid.  Changing his clothes after 3 pm..(he hates to have his clothes changed)  No baths after noon and no leaving the house.... if I do any of these things I am know what awaits me.

We have some colic medicine, although I am not sure if it works.

My little guy is now 6 weeks old and people tell me this is the peak and it will start to get better now.  I hope so....

I feel a bit to blame because while I was pregnant I let the stress get to me when I shouldn't have.  Colicky babies are linked to their mothers stress in the womb.  The whole 9 months was nothing but a big ball of stress for me......life and health issues had me disliking every aspect of my pregnancy.  Now my poor little guy is having to deal with my short comings.

If anyone out there has some good advice for me, I can use it.......

Welcome to the world my sweet little boy....

As Salaam Alaikum Everyone...

I am happy to say that my sweet little bundle of joy came into the world on November 13th 2011 at 8:47 am.  It has been an amazing week learning how to be a new mommy and tiring as well.  Recovering from a C Section and taking care of a newborn is proving to be quite the challenge.  I am so blessed to have a wonderful husband who has been nothing short of a god send helping me this past week, Mashallah!

I do have to admit, looking into the eyes of a new born baby brings a whole new perspective on life and the problems we "think" we have in our life.  It all means nothing when you think of it.  My baby is the most important person to me in my life and I am proud to be called his mommy....

May Allah bless and protect us all.... Ameen.   

Has the time come?....

Salaam Everyone...

I am sitting here, waiting for baby, thinking that my blogging days may be coming to an end sometime soon.  I started this blog a year ago and I think that it has run it's course.

I met some amazing friends along the way and learned to stay away from the comments of the "professional bloggers"  * Still don't like you, you know who you are.  Wondering, have you gotten a real job or hobby yet?

I have so gotten such helpful advice from all of you and your words of wisdom have gotten me thru some pretty nasty days.

Anyway, now that baby boy will be making his grand entrance any day now, I think it's best that I focus more on him and my relationship with my husband.  I truly hope that one day soon, my religion will play a role in my life once more.  I seemed to have lost my urge to practice this deen as I struggle with my inner demons.  So much I yet do not understand and inshallah, one day I will be guided back.

So, I wont take down my blog, I just don't feel that I will be a big part of it anymore.  I will of course let you all know when Daisy finally gets to say she is officially a Mom...  :)

Let the wait begin...

My bag and baby's bags are all ready to go.....Now we just wait.  I am 35 weeks today and things are progressing.  If nothing before the 37 week mark, we will go in for induction.

Let the waiting game begin........

An OMG moment...

I was reading the news this morning and came across this article on Fox news.com   Still shocked........... I remember church being boring, but this must have been mind numbing!

Can you even imagine???!!!  OMG! 

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Body & Mind - HEALTH

Man Hospitalized After Ripping Own Eyes Out With Bare Hands

Published October 03, 2011

| New York Post

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A man was recovering in the hospital Monday after gouging his own eyes out during Mass at a church in northwestern Italy.

Aldo Bianchini, 46, who was born in Britain but lives in Italy, tore both his eyes out with his bare hands in front of a 300-strong congregation attending the church of St. Andrea's in Viareggio, on Sunday, news agency AGI reported.

Emergency responders said Bianchini was calm and lucid when they arrived at the scene and told them a "voice told him" to rip his eyes out, according to news agency ANSA.

He was taken to the Versilia Hospital in Viareggio and his condition was described as very serious but not life threatening.

Emergency responders picked up his eyeballs from the floor of the church but they were unable to be replanted.

Gino Barbacci, the doctor who treated Bianchini, said it would have taken superhuman strength for a person to gouge their own eyes out and added he had never seen anything like it in 26 years of medical practice.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/10/03/man-rips-own-eyes-out-with-bare-hands/?intcmp=obnetwork#ixzz1akBjienf

Iran.. Really?

So Iran is trying to get our attention....is this really the way to do it?  I don't think they realize they are poking their fanatical stick at a sleeping bear right now.  Ok, Amawhatever your name is, do you think this wise?  Lets plan to bomb a couple embassy's in the US and assassinate the Saudi Arabian ambassador.  What do you think will happen?  Shall we invite you for some tea and biscuits?  I know, I know... We will grant you Nuclear capabilities based solely on the size of your man parts for trying to pull this latest stunt off.

What really pisses me off is these idiots are what people in the states think Islam and Muslims are all about.  They lump us into the category with these morons and think we are all crazy!!  Iran is sooo far from what I consider true Islam.  They (Government) is fanatical and crazy.  That is a scary combination.

I think it is time the world woke up and did something before it's too late.  This regime will not be happy until it is done throwing it's little hissy fit ... then what will the outcome be?  The world will be a better place when Iran is back in its little corner leaving the rest of us alone. 

One more...

This picture is courtesy of my sister.  LOOL  This is defiantly a common sight in the Midwest, how could I have forgotten?? HAHAH.

Where I come from, missing it today..

This is the Midwest USA.  My true home.  On days like today, when I pass by security check points, see riot police by the road side with guns loaded ready to shoot whoever moves, I think back to where I came from and wonder just how crazy am I??  Nothing beats the serenity of peace and calm like my hometown.  Changing fall colors, apple picking, sunsets and carving pumpkins...ahhhh, those were nice times.

Well, at least here I get to experience full blown riots and crazy people trying to take down the government.  The sweet smell of tear gas in the air sure beats the smell of crisp Autumn breezes..........LOOOL

Big and Pregnant updates.....

As Salaam Alaikum everyone!

It's been a while since my last update.  Sorry about that, I wish I could say it was because I was busy but...haha Nope, just lazy.  :-)

I am in my 8th month and I have to tell you, the home stretch is both welcomed and scary.  I have not had an easy pregnancy as I endure daily blood thinning injections, medicine to stop preterm labor, extreme swelling to the point of not being able to walk...so needless to say, I am ready to regain a resemblance of my old self.  On the flip side of this, I have yet to have it really "sink into my head" that in a few weeks, I will have a baby!  Really?  Me?!  OMG...... Scary is an understatement.  The "what if's" float in my head continually.  Especially since I have now stopped working, due to bed rest.  So it seems I have a lot of time on my hands to freak myself out..LOOOL

I think that it is hard not having a lot of friends around me, not like I would have had in the States.  So, no friends or family equal a freaked out Daisy!

Inshallah, All will be ok.

On the Polygyny side of my life......................BIG SIGH....................................  I hate it.  More than you can imagine.  I think it is cruel and baseless in this day and age.  I think it is a reason for horny men to do what they want and be spared the ramifications of it because they hide behind the "its my religious right".  I tell my husband that I love him, but I hate his actions.  I do not like him as a person in this situation.

As for the "other one" in his life..............BIG SIGH................................... I hate it.. I hate the situation.  Thank God she is not here at the moment which means my freak out sessions are not that frequent.  I wish I could get inside the head of a woman that seeks out a married man.  Why?  You feel no guilt or shame?  You call on the phone and not wonder what might happen on the other end once your "conversation" is over?  It doesn't bother you to proclaim your love, kiss, sleep with and plan a life with someone who has a family aside from you?  Ughh.... I will never understand.

Anyways, this is why I haven't blogged.  I am too pissy lately..LOOOL

I hope you are all doing well and look for the update lately when my baby boy finally decides to make is presence known!  :)

Take care to all of you!

Just a thought

CAUTION!!  PREGNANT LADY RAMBLING BELOW.  FILLED WITH MOOD SWINGS AND IRRITABILITY.  I CAN'T BE HELD LIABLE FOR MY WORDS AT 4 AM WHEN I AM IN THIS TYPE OF A MOOD......................



I have a thought concerning 2nd wives.............

Get your own husband and stay away from the married ones.  You cause nothing but problems and heartache.  You go about your "courting" / "marriage" without a thought of how your actions effect the family you are injecting yourself into.

My thoughts on Married men searching for and marrying 2nd wives...........

Learn a little self control.  Learn empathy and compassion.  Just because it is your "right" doesn't mean it is a "right" without consequences.  Your actions hurt your family.  Your need to have another bed partner will in no doubt hurt your current relationship.  Walk in your 1st wives shoes and ask your self if it is really worth the hurt and pain you cause her.  Ask your self if you would sacrifice what she is sacrificing just so the other one can be intimate, build a life and love another person.

My thoughts on 1st wives in this situation.............................

Hmmm, still trying to figure that one out.  As of now, I pretty much hate everyone and everything.  Doubt is a never ending feeling and thought that consumes my days and nights.  Doubting my choices, my life, my religion.

All because Islam gives men the right to sleep with, procreate with, and love more than one wife.  Meanwhile, I sit here wondering if it is all worth it in the end.

I love my husband with all of my heart.  This is what makes this so difficult. If he was an asshole who didn't love me or take care of me, then I would say Khalas!  Go already.  This isn't the case. I love him, just not the "right" that he has.

***BIG SIGH***

PS.  No comments from the peanut gallery or the self proclaimed "professional bloggers/haters" out there.  I am just needing to vent.

PSS....  This heartburn is killing me!  7 months pregnant and let me tell you, it's not all fun and games.  haha.   Can't wait to hold him and have the heartburn, swelling, waddling, and mood swings disappear.  And not to mention the daily injections of heparin I have to take until birth.  I love my baby and thank God every day that he finally blessed me after so many years of wanting a child, but boy oh boy, is he making me work for this!  :-)

Arab Ramadan Soap Operas

As Salaam Alaikum Everyone...

InshaAllah, you are all well and enjoying wonderful family time, food, night prayers and all that goes along with Ramadan....

I have stopped fasting due to my health reasons and my pregnancy issues, but InshaAllah, Allah will accept my prayers and reward us all for our effort and obedience.

So, if you are anywhere in the Middle East you are aware of the thousands (slight exaggeration but not that far off) Ramadan TV shows that pop up in Ramadan every year.  I for one, find them annoying and irritating.

For starters, I find that they are always screaming.  It seems that with the Arab language, when you raise your voice, it sounds like a yell..  The acting is HORRIBLE.  I think it could be tolerable it if it wasn't so bad but I have to say it is the worst I have ever seen.   Most of the men are old and wear fake hair pieces, the women wear as much make up as a painted street walker and last but not least......most of the time the men are slapping the women!  I am not kidding.  It is sickening.  We were watching something earlier tonight and, of course, they were yelling.  I said to my husband, wait...here it comes.................SLAP!  Then they pull them by the hair!  Ugh!  I can't stand it!

Anyways.. that's my gripe of the day.  My newest pet peeve, besides a wet bathroom floor, is now Arab Soap Operas.................Why people think they are good I will never know.

I am still here

As Salaam Alaikum everyone!  I pray you are all doing well and are filled with Allah's blessings this Ramadan...InshaAllah!

My husband and I are doing well.  Enjoying my bump as it grows bigger and bigger every day..Mashallah!  Baby is very active and startles me with his kicks and his punches...they seem to be getting stronger as the little guy gets bigger...lol

My fasting is going well.  I have only had to break it one time as I felt very dizzy and out of sorts.  The Dr. said that as long as I get in my calories at night, than fasting is ok for me to do.  I have another check up tomorrow and we will see if anything has changed.

I have a lot to go into about wife number 2 but I will refrain until this Holy month is over because I don't think it would be a good idea to get into it as I need to keep my tongue to myself and my blood pressure down.  InshaAllah, Allah will guide me that correct path.  What ever that may be or wherever it may take me.

I am looking forward to a visit from my family soon.  My parents will be coming after the baby is born and my sister and my nephew will be coming in the spring, InshaAllah.  It will be nice to see everyone and introduce them to the Middle East. (This will prove interesting)

My job is going well.  A couple more months than I will be off for 4 months for Maternity leave.   I need to get myself organized....at work and at home.  I don't even have a crib!  Sheeshh!  Kick it in gear Ayah... :-)

The new house is amazing... I love it and am so happy to have the blessings of Allah!  Now I just hope he will bless me with a Maid...I cant keep up with it all plus working full time.  Moping just the downstairs and cleaning the downstairs toilets takes me about 3 to 4 hours!!!!  It's too much...I will go into early labor if I keep this up...lol

I will write more when Ramadan is over..  I wish you all the best.

Masallama!

Welcome Ramadan!!

Some updates from me...

Salaam Everyone!!

First off, Happy Independence Day to all my American friends....  Hope you all enjoyed the festivities.

I am now in my 5th month of pregnancy.  Alhamdulillah!  I am truly amazed at what we as women can do with our bodies.  I have an ongoing battle with swelling.  No amount of walking, water intake or elevation will get rid of this.  Matter of fact, it was so bad today I could not put on my flip flops (keep in mind I bought them 4 sizes larger than I normally wear) which made me reach for my phone and take the day off.  Hard to go to work with out shoes!  LOOL  I feel the baby move more and more every day.  It leaves me in awe.  This is something I have wanted my whole life so it is a bit surreal that it is actually happening!  Mashallah!

We are almost moved into the final house we saw.  I can not wait to be completely in but when you are 5 months pregnant, work for 9 hours a day and it is on average 120 degrees outside, you tend to move a bit slow.

As for the second wife issue.  I do my best not to think too much about it.  I have too much more to focus on in my life right now...like getting my shoes to fit.  : =)  It is what it is and it's just time to move on from that topic.  Sure, I still have my freak out sessions but life is too short.  I love my husband, my life and my home.  Why keep fussing over something that is halal?  Leave it be.

Hmm.. What else is going on?  Ohh, I have 3 fast days to make up from last year but I am not sure if I will do them.   They say you can fast while pregnant but I really do not think that is something I will choose to do.  August, Middle East, pregnant and no water?...That really is not that tough of a decision to make.  My babies health comes first.  Although my waist line could afford to fast a few days...Sheesh!  I  am a big lard butt these days..  I am sure packing on the pounds..  It seems to have happened over night.  I was so sick in the beginning and now I cant get enough to eat.  Before I knew it, 10 kilos added on to the scale.  May God help me!

Hugs to all of you out there!  Take care....be safe.

Salaam!

Happy Birthday America!!

God Bless The USA

by Lee Greenwood

 

If tomorrow all the things were gone,
I'd worked for all my life.
And I had to start again,
with just my children and my wife.

I'd thank my lucky stars,
to be livin here today.
‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can't take that away.

And I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

From the lakes of Minnesota,
to the hills of Tennessee.
Across the plains of Texas,
From sea to shining sea.

From Detroit down to Houston,
and New York to L.A.
Well there's pride in every American heart,
and its time we stand and say.

That I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

And I'm proud to be and American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

Does this make me less Muslim??

Salaam everyone...

I have come to a cross road of sorts. I find myself at a place in my life where I am at peace with myself and God.  I am not an extremist, I hold some of my same view points as life before Islam and I do not believe that all Jewish people are the devil.  I do, however, still think that Iran is crazy.  This will never change.

I rejoice at the death of a mad man, cry at the devastation in Palestine.  I can do both.

I love America, the flag and will teach my child the Pledge of Allegiance and all about American History.  Will he learn about Islamic history and teachings, yes.  He can do both.

I pray 5 times a day.  On time?  No, I do my best but I am not perfect. Fajir prayer is my test. I cover my hair, wear abaya and do my best to always speak with a kind tongue.  I say Bismillah before I eat, and Alhamduliliah when I am done.  I pray for my family, fellow Muslims and mankind in general.  I do not agree with some of the extreme views of the Salafi just as I do not believe in extreme Christianity.

I mix with men at my job, drive a car, go shopping by myself, pay for house hold things, yell at my husband, watch tv, surf the internet and day dream about how my life used to be and how good a Strawberry Margarita used to taste on a hot July afternoon.

Does this make me less of a Muslim?  When I was a Christian, I went to Church on Holidays, if that.  That was it.  I believed in God and called myself a Believer.  No one doubted that.

Now, I do not attend the Quran classes, or gossip at the ladies section and I am considered less than them.

I learn on my own, I read.  I live my life as a good person. No one taught me the Surahs I know.  No one taught me how to pray, fast, give to charity or read the Quran during Ramadan.  I learned all of these basic things on my own...Alhamdulillah! I do good deeds.  If I see a migrant worker digging in the trash, I give him money... water, and a smile.  The women attending these "ladies sessions" would not dare to do that.  But they are better than me?!

My child will grow up knowing diversity.  He will not hate the Christians or the Jews.  He will understand he is a Muslim but will love all of Gods children.

I may not cover my face anymore, wear gloves or say prayers before doing day to day things but are you better than me?  Are you more of a Muslim in front of Allah because you go to a weekly class?

I think not.

Can you see me now??

Salaam everyone!!

I pray everyone is doing well.  I am adjusting to this whole new world of being pregnant.  From craving corn, swelling, and gaining weight.  It's quite the experience and I love how my "bump" is getting bigger every day, Mashallah!

So, since I am pregnant and live where the average temp is about 120 degrees, lets just say that I can hardly breath.  The asthma I have doesn't help much either.  So, I have decided to take it off.............The Niqaab that is!  I can not take that thing hanging over my face any more.  I freak out on it! LOOL  I have agreed to still wear it at the family house when my brother in law is around but for going out in the nasty heat... NO WAY!

Sooo, my husband and I went the the Cinema last night.  (Limitless, good movie)  We met up with his two sisters and her husband.  This was the first time he has seen my face since I married my husband over a year ago.  He looked.  Looked some more.  ( Coming from a Scandinavian back ground, I am the furthest from Arab you can get).  I never made eye contact with him one time but I could tell he was looking and by the way my husband was shoving me behind him, I knew he noticed as well.  The minute we get in the car I hear it.  "How dare he!  Someone needs to tell him!"  yada yada yada  He immediately grabs the phone to shout at his brother in law.  I freak out because there is going to be a scene and then I get the lecture how things are "different" here in the Gulf.  Really?  You mean I am not in Kansas anymore?? Sheesh!  Thanks for letting me know!

I do not get it.  Why can't they lower their gaze??  Why do I have to suffer in the heat because they are a bunch of freaky, sex crazed men that can't keep their eyes to themselves?  This is the problem I have about making something taboo.  It's human nature to want what you cant have, what people tell you is forbidden to you makes you want it all the more.  This is caused by keeping everyone and everything segregated.  Men and women do not know how to act around each other because they NEVER ARE AROUND ONE ANOTHER!  It just pisses me off that there is no accountability for these men.  Women are just told they need to cover up more.  What??!  It is 120 degrees, I am wearing clothes, an abaya, under scarf and a shayla.  Meanwhile, the men run about in a t shirt and shorts!!!  PUHHH Leeez!

I wish I would have never put on that stupid ninja mask because now I am doomed to stay in it for all eternity.   All because I look "different" and heaven forbid someone look at me, or worse yet, not be able to lower their gaze!  Is this Islam?  I do not understand.

Remember in the 70's when the womens movement swept through the Country and everyone was burning their bras??  I say we do that with the Niqqab...better yet.  Let's all say we cant control our urges because the men are so sexy and guilt them into wearing it!  Lets see how long it will last when they have to learn to breath in the summer heat with that thing hanging over their face!

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGG!

Come out, come out where ever you are...

Where are the Twinkies in this country??!!  OMG......I am craving a darn twinkie and they have nothing close to that here...Ughh!  Sounds like a special request I need to send my parents for their next overseas package..hehe

Hello

Salaam everyone....

Life is going ok for the time being.  I will be moving soon and looking forward to getting out of the place I am in. I am excited to start getting the nursery ready and buying baby things...  I cant wait!  :-)

I am into my 14th week.  I made it past the miserable 1st trimester which is something horror movies are made of!  lool.  I feel good now, despite not recognizing my ankles and feet.

My new job is wonderful.  I love the low stress environment, better people and better pay.  Great combinations..

My husband is planning his trip to see my co wife for next month after we move and get settled in.  I am wondering if I should have the locks changed while he is gone or what?  lool  I am still struggling with it and it is not getting any easier.  Just because you come to a point of "acceptance" in your life does not mean the pain in your heart goes away.

Yalla...thats all for now.  Take care to all of you out there!

To My hater ...

Ahhh , Can you feel the love??  I accedently saw "this persons" comment to me as I was going thru tons of comments I havent posted.  They wanted me to "recant" what I said..  I will not.  You said it and if you want proof, go back in my blog and see what you have wrote.. For now, chew on this...

I am in quite the mood lately and usually would not entertain these.  Now...you know what/? This is MY blog...You wrote it...You own it!

This is YOUR comment, unedited to me... Two of a few.

****See that YOU DID SAY I HAD A FAKE HUSBAND??****  yeah, I dont lie...

Given that you've not yet decided whether to stay with your husband, and are dying of homesickness, how could you think of having a baby?
Also, by what right do you think it's acceptable to give a child half a father, knowing full well that your fake husband will be dividing his time between his other wife and children?
Shame on you for even considering bringing an innocent baby into such a miserable, unhealthy situation, simply out of your selfish desire to keep your husband, perhaps because you think a baby will keep him from finding another wife? Well, it WON'T. Ask any other woman who's experienced this, or better yet, ask any child who was born into such a sick situation.

December 28, 2010 1:09 AM 

You women behave like doormats and martyrs, either out of desperation or ignorance. 

December 31, 2010 7:16 AM

What will it take?

I wonder how many Extremists and "Band wagon jumpers" will still deny that this Monster is dead after  Al-Qaeda CONFIRMED IT???? BWT..Al-Qaeda = A bunch of crazy people with warped sense of Islam and life in general. Maybe the view with their heads in the sand is nice, then again, all we see up here are a bunch of behinds....LOOOOL  Keep your head in the sand people...you just end up showing us your true self!

I long for the day that my children can grow up and not be lumped into the same category as these crazy people who call them selfs Muslims.  They have hijacked this perfect religion for their own selfish gain and warped sense of reality.  They are NOT Muslims...They are mad men that will be punished in this life and the next, InshaAllah...

I am still doing the happy dance, still enjoying this moment of retribution and loving every moment I am an American.  Now the crazy people vow revenge...Go ahead, poke the sleeping Bear..see what happens!

Ask your self this question, were you around when the towers and Pentagon were hit?  How about the USS Cole, London bombing or the embassy in Kenya?  How old were you?  Old enough to feel fear or still jumping rope in the playground?  If you were not in these countries, felt the fear we did or were still hanging on to Mama's apron string, Please rethink your opinions as to why we feel vindicated.  We were there, ADULTS feeling this fear. We were affected....Not u!  We, and the rest of the world, have every right to be happy!

Ohhh Happy Day!!!

Bin Laden is Dead!!!!!  At last!  May he atone for the evil he has committed!  May he answer to his higher power!  May he rot in the ground for all eternity!

Moving...

I finally believe I have found my house....I cant even begin to count how many I looked at but  I think I found the one I want.  I am very excited and can start to move in about 10 days....Whoop Whoop!!

Anger and the Dark place

I cant seem to stop the anger from growing inside me.  Its like a dam that is about to break and the only thing holding the seam together is a piece of tape.  I am disgusted at times with this life.  I pray to God every day that I am caring a son, a daughter growing up here in the Middle East will never fully experience the life I would want her too.  I dont ever want her to go thru the pain that I am having to endure with polygyny.  I want her to feel the wind in her hair, the sun on her skin and the hand shake of a colleague without being labeled a slut.  Only Men here are truly free.  Free to enjoy the sun, the wind and the freedom to explore their surroundings.  If they want, they can marry 4 wives so they will never run out of "a new piece".  They dont have to cover who they are because men cant be held accountable for not "lowering their gaze".

We all make choices in our life.  There is a fork in the road for each one of us.  Why some of us choose the road to the right or the road to the left, we will never know.  Some of us are escaping from something in our past, some just want to try a new path.  What ever road you choose to go down, dont ever sell your self out.  Always remember who you are and where you came from.  Dont burn the bridges you leave behind, once gone, they can never be replaced.  Dont ever dim your light for someone.  Stand fast to your convictions and dont bend with the wind.

I think of Karma a lot, especially lately.  I was a bad person years ago, I wasn't a good wife.  I was young and wanted to experience life.  I did. If  I were to apologize every day for the rest of my life to my ex husband, it could never be enough. I never knew the consequences of my actions so many years ago would be in my face today.  I guess I have to accept it and carry on with my life and the punishments Karma makes me endure.

I just needed to vent. Maybe its my hormones, who knows.  Maybe its like getting the truth out of a drunk person....  I am not seeking pity nor do I want to hear that Allah will take care of me.  Right now, I am alone with my anger, there is no room for HIM.  HE wouldn't like what is going thru my head at the moment anyhow...

Hey :) Some updates

Salaam Alaikum everyone!!  I hope your day is wonderful and your faith is high!

My day is going ok.  I had another Dr. apt last night and baby is doing well, Mashallah!  I came home a couple hours early from work because I was having some slight cramping and uneasy feeling, I needed to lie down.  So, here I am on the couch, with my feet up.  My weight is beginning to worry me.  I feel very fat and can only imagine what I will be like at 9 months.  :(  I walk every day but I dont think it is working.  Once I get into my second trimester, I may join a womens swim club....just some light exercise and they say swimming is good when pregnant, even if I just walk around in in circles and swim a little bit.

The days are ticking away for my hubby to go to his new bride.  I am getting very anxious about this but....what to do.. It is what it is and I just got some fabulous advice from Mai(thank you) so I think I will be ok.

As for you women and men who live in the States...Please dont ever complain about your healthcare again!  Move here to the Middle East and then you can complain.  I miss my medical care back home.  I absolutely hate it here.  Our choice are, Local, Indian or Filipino Dr's.  No offence, but they lack the "skill" of an American Dr. and have a way of doing things themselves.  My information I am getting for my pregnancy is done off from web md as my Dr does not fill me in on anything.  I have been to a couple different Dr.s to see if one would click a little better than the other....nope, they are all the same.   In and out in a couple min.  I went last night because I was spotting a little bit the other day.  After doing my research ..web md.. i found out it was nothing to worry about and just to follow up with my ObGyn.  So, I go last night, tell her I was spotting a few days prior but that it wasnt bright red and she just nodded and said.. "ohh".  Well, your baby is fine.  She didnt explain anything to me..Ughh..  I hate the healthcare here.

Another story..  As many of you may know, your plumbing slows down a bit in early pregnancy.  Well, mine has come to a screeching halt( tmi...sorry)  I am talking a month....NO JOKE.  I was miserable.  I couldn't eat, sleep or function like a normal person..  Well, when I knew there was no more room for anything, and the medicine they gave me was not working, I went to the local health center.. BIG MISTAKE.  The Dr informs me that its normal.  I said, yes.....slowing down of the plumbing is normal...but stopping completely??? That is not normal!  I am sick, throwing up and my belly is distended like I am already 8 months pregnant.  I have gained 2 kg in 2 weeks!!  Nothing is coming out....I need help!  He said, its normal, what would you like me to do about it??!  I said, A MONTH IS NOT NORMAL!!  Sheesh! He just sat there, refused to help me ... I got up and left...my husband was still sitting in the chair with his stupid black berry...lool   I came home and self remedied the situation my self.   Dr's!  I swear...  So.. next time you start to complain....DONT... be grateful for the healthcare you have, they way you are treated and cared for.. You dont get that here.

So, we are looking for a new place to live.  I am doing some research and am in LOVE with Amwaj Islands...its like a piece of paradise.. I want to live there so bad I can taste it!  I am going to go look at a place on Saturday....Not sure what he will do with his new wife....she aint moving with me...loool  My house, my money, my rules....and no second wives are allowed...LOOOL

So, as my new found British colleagues say....Cheers!

Block??

Salaam to all of you lovely people out there....

I hope you are all well and my best wishes go out to you and your family....Inshallah, Allah watches out for all of us...  Quick update...Baby is doing well.  I am growing and the sickness is subsiding or the medicine I am taking for it is helping.  Either way, I am grateful to be getting back to "normal"  Mashallah!  I informed my new boss that I was pregnant and she was supportive and wonderful.  Its been a pretty good few days..Inshallah, it will continue.  :-)

Question:

How do you block people if they are not "following you" but still have a blogger act? Any suggestions?  I have a "follower" who has shown me in the past and present that they lack any sort of common decency.  Name calling, insulting my husband, family and my wishes to have a child.  I just don't want this person to have access to my blog anymore.  My blog....my decision.

So, if any of you know if I can block them, let me know.  If I cant, and this blogger is reading this, consider every message you send to me deleted before being read.  You irritate me and I do not agree with your thought process one bit.  I should have ignored you the minute you said I had a fake husband and my desire to have a child with a man who was going to marry a 2nd wife was sick and disgusting.  Good Bye to you.  Go on your way and "professionally blog" on someone else's post!  I wish the best for you but I dont have to like you, and as you have shown me from your comments, you dont like me.  So go on your way....

To all of the rest of you wonderful people out there... Have a great week!  :-)

I am ashamed to say it...

A long time back I was pro abortion rights.  I was the one on the other side of the Pro Life argument... Screaming at the protestestors that its a womans body, it's her right to choose.  I would drive by the "crazy church people" that would holding up signs of an aborted fetus and yell obsenities at them, all the while never really looking at the pictures.  I can honestly say that I never really saw them, the photos.  I always had a way of blocking it out, never looked into what actually happens during an abortion.  I even went to the abortion clinic with a good friend of mine back in High School for "moral support".

We always have justifacations for things we do.  In the case of abortion it was always, she is too young, she needs to finish school, she was raped,  she is unable to support another child....it was always something.  I can honestly say, up until just recently, I still believed it is up to the woman.  It is her life and we all need to answer to HIM in the end, who are we to judge??

In todays society we have programs to Save the Whales, Save the Tigers, Save the earth...all good causes, yes.  How can we save a whale but not a child?  Are we that primitive of a society that we dont understand these babies are crying out in pain when their mothers abort them??

I typed in 9 week gestation to see the growth of my baby and  instead I was shocked to see aborted fetus'.  I am disgusted and saddened that this is allowed to go on.

I think it should be allowed in extreme cases but who determines extreme?  I just dont have a good answer to this issue.  I guess I am still in shock over how they actually conduct these abortions.  Now that I have a baby growing inside me, I am appalled that someone could do this to an unborn child.  Beyond sick.

Kudos to all of you Mom's!!

May God help me thru this first trimester...  I have never been so sick in my life.  My day is a constant stomach ache, vomiting, headaches, constipation(tmi.. sorry), swollen hands and sore you know what.  I have every ill that one would have in the first trimester.  You name it, I have it.  I go to the Dr. tonight and hopefully she can help me.  I understand now, since I am going thru it, why Islam puts such a high status on the Mother.  I have told my Mother a few times in the last week how appreciative I am for what she did for me.  Bringing me into this world.  Mashallah!

My hats are off to all of you Mothers out there!  May God reward all of you for the struggles you have endured...

Even thru all of my trials with this pregnancy, I am still forever grate full for these little blessings growing inside of me... I just wish they would stop making Mommy so sick!!  LOOOOl

My realization and some questions.

As  Salaam Alaikum everyone!!

I have been thinking a lot about when my husbands 2nd wife comes here to live.  I was, at one time, ok with us sharing a villa.  I actually bounce back and forth on the idea.  Lately some issues have come to head that I am not ok with.  Do I want to bear witness to a new love "budding"???  Do I want to hear her constantly say , "Where is he?  Why does he work so much? "  She does all of this now, I can not imagine what life would be like if I lived with her!  There are a lot more issues as well.  And I am sure she would not like my attitude either..haha.  I am very much an introvert.  I dont like to "hang out" and just idle chit chat.  I prefer to be by myself and have my own way of doing things.  I am sure I would get on her nerves in no time.

So now I can say, I dont want to live together.  I am not closing the door on this completely.  Who knows what the next year or two will bring.  Right now, I just want to have my own home...me and my babies.

Next point I want to ask you all about.  I have accepted a job.  Yes, I know I am pregnant.  :)  This is something I just couldn't turn down.  I dont want to hear that my husband is to support me 100%..yada yada yada.. I know this.  Me getting a job has nothing to do with that.  Considering this job is NOTHING like my previous....

If my job enables me to move into a better location, on my dime, is my husband required to spend on her the same?  Mind you, I will be paying for this home.  It will be mine, my money.  This is how I want it.  Something of my own for me and my children.  I dont want her to live here....period..  haha   Does my husband have to give her the same value of house that I have?

Again, please, no comments on how I dont have to/need to work, your husband needs to support you....blah blah blah.. I know all of this and I am well taken care of.  This is a different issue.  Thanks!  :)

Pick 3 any 3.....

As Salaam Alaikum .......

If there was one Surah in the Quran that you feel is the most beneficial to memorize, what would it be?

If you had to pick 2 du'as that are very important to memorize and use on a daily basis, what would it be?

My goal in the next 2 weeks is to learn one Surah and 2 du'as and recite them in perfect Arabic, Inshallah.  I feel since I am laying in bed doing nothing anyhow, why not make use of my time?  I need to take these next 7 months and learn as much as I can so I am not a complete idiot to Islam when my child arrives.  I feel as though there is so much I need to learn and ALLAH swt has given me this time to use it.. Supanhallah!  I should use my time wisely.

So, tell me....which 3 would you pick?  Keep in mind, my memory is not that good.  I joke that I am a 34 yr old Alzheimer patient...but really, some days I feel like it.  I dont think I have a problem with the really short Surahs and think I can graduate to the next level.

Thanks for your help!    

Whats in a name?

Salaam Alaikum everyone....

I was just sending an email out to a friend and I signed it my "Muslim name".  Then, I sent one to my father and I signed it my "Christian name".......hmmmm

I am confused... Who the heck am I?? loool  Sometimes I forget who knows me as what.  My family back in the States call me my Christian name while friends and family here only know me as Ayah.  All of my legal documents have my birth name.  Even my marriage contract.  The only thing that has Ayah on it is my Shahadda.  So, where does that leave me??  Confused, all the time..lool

I took the Muslim name Ayah because of its meaning.  Signs and proofs from Allah, thats how I felt when I came to Islam 2 years ago.  He gave me signs and proofs that this is what I needed to do..Alhamdulillah!  I believed it would help me "blend in to the Muslim society" better.  Now I am wondering if that was such a good idea.

I think we are all unique.  Why try to change who we are to fit in?  Shouldn't I have learned this in High School?? lool  I miss my old name, my old identity.  I believe I can be a good Muslim and still hold on to my birth name.  I mean, its a pretty basic American name, nothing against Allah or his messenger(Pbuh).  My problem is this, how can I say, "Well, Ayah was nice, but I prefer you call me (insert name here) now".  My husbands whole family know me by Ayah, some dont even know that is not my birth name.

The point I am getting at is I dont think it is necessary to change your name when you become a Muslim.  I chose my name Ayah because it meant something special to me, and I was told it was a good thing to do.  Now I am having doubts.

What do you all think???

So this is what its like....

As Salaam Alaikum...

So, I am rounding the corner of week 7 and now feeling the effects of full blown morning sickness and bloat.  Wow!  I feel hungover, for those of you that have been down that road before can relate.

Crackers and 7-up....they have made a constant bedside companion.

I love every minute of it!!  Mashallah!  Bring it on...I am ready!

Ok, off to bed I go.  It seems I am less likely to hug the porcelain  throne if I am in the horizontal position..

Irritated

As Salaamu Alaikum everyone....

It's me again with a little something I find irritating.  My husbands second wife is going on and on about if "he takes another wife I want a divorce"..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Wth????  REALLY, YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT???!!  I said to her, "Why are you any different?  What makes you better than me or any other woman out there?  Do you think my husband found you and you fulfilled some missing void in his life??"  YA RAB!!

She said, "No, he married me khalas!  He should not marry a 3rd, I would not be able to handle it.  I am not like you".....  OMG!!  Please Allah, give me the strength and the knowledge to know what to say to her and not hit her upon the head!!

I replied with, "You think this has been easy on me??  It has been a living hell!  Try going thru this pregnant with the emotions running thru you!  How dare you think you are better than me.. I pray Allah will forgive you and your tongue"

I need suggestions on this one dear sisters..  I am really at my wits end because every time I talk to her, she is freaking out he will marry again because he wont tell her NO, he wont marry again.  I am to the point that I want him to marry again, just to be spiteful so she knows how it feels.... May God forgive me.

Stop or we will shoot!

Salaam Alaikum everyone...

So, I have a funny story.  Well, if you are my husband, maybe not so funny of a story...LOOOL

Since Bahrain declared a State of Emergency, all roads leading into certain neighborhoods have set up Check Points you have to go through.  These are very large checkpoints... full Saud and GCC military or local check points, with our local police and military.  Ours is local, with about 2 to 4 armed guards that usually smile, say Salaams and send you on your way.

Not last night.

We were coming home from the movies, after curfew, at about 11:30pm.  So, they are obviously more alert.  My husband, like most men, have a lead foot.  Plus we were talking so he was a bit distracted.  The check points are new to all of us, so we need to get used to them.  Apparently my husband forgot there was such a thing as a checkpoint to our road ........................

We round the corner doing about 30 miles an hour.  No cars on the road so he was zipping along.  I see the men up ahead putting their hand out to signal him to stop or at the least slow down.  He keeps on talking.  Slow down ... Slow down... (this is me as I am putting on my imaginary break.  Finally, with out fear of being run down, an officer steps out in front of the vehicle as my husband is stopping the vehicle.  He not only stepped out in front of the vehicle.....he had his machine gun drawn!!!!!  (I think I stopped breathing at this point)  My hubby roles down the window, a few words are exchanged and we are off.  I said , "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT???  WHAT DID THEY SAY?  WHY WERE YOU GOING SO FAST?  IS THERE A FIRE SOMEWHERE???!!!"  He was a little humbled and didnt say much except for this,  "They said they almost shot me!!"

I had to chuckle a little bit.  I am glad they put the fear of God into him.  Now today when we came home, he slowly went thru....hahahah

Life in a war zone......BIG FUN!!!  

Disappointed

Salaam...

I had my first OB apt the other day an I can honestly say, "I am not in Kansas anymore" :(  My Dr. is cold and short.  I went into the room and the first thing she asked me was, "What are you here for".... She asked me no questions, nothing... I told her some history and thats it.  She started to do an abdominal ultrasound which confused me, I am only a little over 6 weeks.  She tells me.. "Well, we cant see anything, maybe because it's too soon or maybe because you dont have a full bladder"...DUH!!  Ya think??!!  I said, Use the transvaginal one...its right there...You can easily detect early pregnancies.  So, reluctantly, she did.  She was in there for less than a minute, detected 2 gestational sacs but told me one was 9mm and the other was 5mm and most likely wont make it.  That was it.... She walked around the curtain to go sit back at her desk.  I was in shock!  She told me to come back in 3 weeks for another scan.  She wouldn't give me a due date because of the inconclusive scan.  No heartbeat.  If she would have stayed up there longer than 1 min she could have found it.

In the US things are so much different.  It is a warm feeling.  I have been with many friends and family members when they go to the OB Dr or midwife and it is such a great experience.  Here, they rush you in and out like cattle.  Its cold and in-personable..  And this was at a private hospital...I can only imagine what it is like at the Government hospital.  Oh yeah , I forgot.  I did go to the Government Clinic to confirm my pregnancy.  I told her that I have Factor V Leiydon (blood clotting disorder).  She then asked me when was my last ABORTION!!!  WTH???!!  Apparently Ms. I am so smart, thinks since you are an American and have blood clots they are from Abortions??!!  Seriously!  Cause you know, us American woman are so "loose" and run around having abortions every so often.....How insulting!!!  I thought my husband was going to strangle her!

I am sad and disappointed.  I have waited so long for this experience and it was nothing but a huge disappointment.  My husband and I are going to go to a different hospital in the next few days to see if we can at least get an Hcg blood panel done and possibly see if there is a heartbeat and the learn the outcome of baby #2.

I want to go back to the states.  I want the wonderful healthcare that I am accustomed too. I want a midwife, a nurse that cares.  I want a Dr. who knows my name.  I dont want to be in a place that dosent know you by name and treats you like just another woman popping out a kid.

Wow!  Who would have thought it was like this!!  I will keep you posted on the next leg of my journey.

One question for you out there.... How important is having an HCG count taken?  Especially if a twin pregnancy is detected?  And an iron count for someone (me) with a history of anemia?  Should my urine have been tested for presence of sugar??  Do I need a pre natal vitamin other than folic acid???

Peaceful protesters?? Hmm.. You decide

So I have kept pretty quiet about the issues in Bahrain.  First because I was out of the country and then wanted to figure out myself what was going on because I had heard so many conflicting reports.  Now I know...

Remember when I said in a previous post.."Is this the calm before the storm??" Well, how true it was..

They call themselves peaceful.. They say they are just demanding their rights.  How do you go about a peaceful protest?  Setting fires, spreading false reports, attacking and killing poor migrant workers?  I know how you can do it.. how about cut out the tongue of a local Imam because you feel he should not say the Sunni Azthan in a "Shia Country". They even cut the tongue out of a Pakistani migrant worker!!!

Well, just because you have 4 wives and each of those wives have babies and babies and babies who then grow up for you to send out on the street to burn tires, does not make you the majority.  Anyways....

I was one, initially, who thought the Bahraini government was wrong.  Let them be I said.  Let them protest and why are you shooting at them.  My husband and I fought about this after the first "attack" on the "peaceful protesters" at the roundabout back in Feb.  He said to me...peaceful now but just wait.

Now new information has enlightened me, so to speak.  I know of people that were at the roundabout.  They saw first hand the things that went on there.  They even had a temporary marriage tent set up there (Mut'ah) so if you felt the urge you could marry for the hour...ewww!

Then they started attacking migrant workers, colleges, running over police officers...you name it they did it.  They were even faking injures.  I saw a video of it with my own eyes taken at the roundabout.  A woman had a tent set up there where people would go, they would have makeup put on them to make it seem as if they were beaten.  I understand some clashes with the riot police and BDF caused some injuries, but when they were not getting the media attention they had to create it..... How many of you heard that Salmananiya Hospital was overrun with casualties and police and army were attacking the injured....yeah, me too.  You will see from the videos below that this is not the case.  How about when the roundabout was finally cleared , you heard the military was setting fire to the tents??!  haha... soooooooooooo not true!  Again, the video does not lie.

The attacks on the innocent migrant workers is appalling.  These poor souls were caught in the middle and just because they were weak, they were a target.  On top of this all, there are reports that hostages were taken during this time period.

May God punish all the wrong doers in this world!  May He hold them all accountable for their actions and give the oppressed their day in paradise... Amen!

Terrorists attacking Pakistani residents in Bahrain

What really happened in Bahrain Salmaniya Hospital


Police office being beaten and run over by "Peaceful Protesters"


Maybe they were cold? Needed to warm up before they head out to their peaceful rally?


This I believe is the most important one to watch. It is the clearing of the Pearl roundabout.


There are more...plenty more. Just take the moment, if interested, to search youtube and google. You will find a pleathera of information. I understand that there are people out there that will disagree with this information. That is ok. I live here, and I see what is happening. The world we live in gives us the right to disagree...However, this is my blog and my views....

Take this information and draw your own conclusion. I did.

THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING!!!

Salaam Alaikum!!!  :)

I had to breath a bit after reading some blogs this morning that combine misyar and mut'ah marriage as being the same thing only under a different name.

Brothers and Sisters....please!!!  THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING...  Some people equate it to a form of prostitution.  Hmmmm.. I think thats a stretch.

Mut'ah is a temporary marriage that can be decided in the contract to be lasting from a few hours, days to indefinite.  No where in a Misyar contract does it state an end.  The difference between a "normal" Islamic marriage and a Misyar is the woman forgoing of some of her rights.  Such as..... time division, financial support or anything along those lines.  If a woman needs to take care of her family (parents) and can not leave them but still wants the love and support of a husband, she can marry him and "forgo" her right to housing.   You may say its wrong but you can not deny that all conditions are met for an Islamic Marriage.  Mahr, witnesses, wali  and announcement

.In a Mut'ah marriage, which had its very own marriage tent at the Shia protests here in Bahrain that came equipped with their very own Mut'ah marriage guy, they can decide on how long they would like to be married, how much money they want and how long it will take them to be "satisfied"  hence deciding the length of the marriage contract.  I am not sure if all Mut'ah marriage contracts are like this but this is what they had going on at the Pearl Roundabout.

My husband is married to a wonderful girl who, unfortunately, is unable to come to our country at this time.  They signed the contract knowing he would not have to provide her equal time or housing at this time.  When she is able to come, inshallah in a few months, then that will be null and void. She had her walli, mahr and witnesses as well as announcement.  Please dont tell me this in not a valid marriage or that it is in the same category as a Mut'ah!!  Give me some proof is this is what you claim.

Lets recap....

Mut'ah =temporary as defined in the contract
Misya= voluntarily giving up certain rights such as time allowance or money.  NO WHERE IN THE CONTRACT IS THERE AN END DATE!!!!

I understand that in ideal situations this would not have to happen.  The husband should be responsible for everything for his wife...but, I believe, that if is suits the situation and all conditions of the marriage are met, who are we to say it is wrong, prostitution, or a Mut'ah???!  What about a "traditional contract" and the husband is away on business 9 months out of the year?  Does that make their contract invalid?  Do you claim that this is a prostitution marriage?

Opinions are wonderful, you, me and everyone are entitled to them...Mashallah!  But proof is better than opinions.

I know I have touched base on this issue before but this morning it is really irritating me and I just had to let it out.  loool