Happy New Year!!

Wishing you all a wonderful New Year!!

What will you all be doing to ring in the New Year?  I will be here with my kitties, drinking Diet Coke and loving my life!  Missing my husband since he is not with me tonight but knowing that our love is amazing and he is the best man in the world! ( I am a little bias)

This year has been a roller coaster for me.  New marriage, new family and the trials of "the search for number 2".  I have done my best to learn more of my religion, more prayers and inshallah, I have pleased ALLAH(swt).

I have made many friends, and not so many friends lol, on this blog.  I believe that I have grown as a person since starting this.  I have endured a couple of "potential" co wives and tried to be patient.  Inshallah, this next year my husband will find the right one for him.  A religious, mature caring person that is worthy of the amazing person he is.  Mashallah.  I pray for ALLAH to be with him in this process and ease the fitnah that this search sometimes causes.

As for me.... I plan on focusing on increasing my deen and being a better person, Inshallah.  I plan to learn more Arabic, loose some weight(darn rice!) and try to start a family with my husband.

And the Rajh stories will continue for now...lol

I look forward to keeping up with all of you in 2011!!!

All my best to everyone!!

Interesting question

Salaam to all of you out there.....

So..I pose a question to all my convert friends and born Muslims alike that are living in polygyny.  Do you feel like a doormat? 

**When polygyny was brought up to you, did you like it right away or did it take time to "grow on you"? 

**Why do some Muslim women have such an issue with polygyny and show their dislike by lashing out at their Muslim Sisters instead of helping them and loving them for the sake of ALLAH(swt)?

**I guess my question is, why does it seem we spend so much time defending our feelings?  Are we not allowed to have good days and bad days but yet still love our husband and our Religion?

**I am really interested in comments from you that are living successful polygyny lifestyles.  Are you married to an Arab?  Some people think that just because we are married to an Arab they somehow "brainwashed us".

I am an intelligent person with education and a whole lot of life experience but yet on the topic of polygyny, somehow people tend to think I am ignorant and naive.

**How did you all deal with this?  Do you think maybe some of these born Muslim sisters feel threatened?
Also, to my fellow converts, did you convert before or after you married? (I converted almost a year before I met my husband, fyi)

On another note, it's a beautiful day!  Alhamdullilah!  The sun is shining, I have a wonderful husband and family.  I went to the Dr the other day and all my "female parts" are working and no reason I shouldn't get pregnant.  ALHAMDULLILAH!!  I am going back in a few days to check on the progress this month and have an appt in a couple weeks for blood work to move this baby making along....

I pray you all have an Awesome day and I look forward to your comments.....

Thank you

Salaam Everyone...

Thank you for all your kind words and wonderful advice...Mashallah!  I am back with a new attitude toward all you haters out there.  Bring it on... You have an issue with me?  I will not respond.  This is my blog, my journal of my life....You don't like it?  Go "skip rocks" as so eloquently said by one of my blogger friends.LOL

As for my Rajh stories...they will continue.  I have a cute one from the other day involving A4 paper and the toilet......but I will leave it for when I have more time...hahah  Gotta love Rajh!

Also, please send your Dua's my way as my wonderful husband is going away this weekend to meet a sweet sister to get to see if its a possible "match"  Mashallah!  I ask ALLAH(swt) for patience and understanding/forgiveness as I progress thru this period in my life.  I pray for a stronger deen and understanding of my religion and duties as a wife.  May ALLAH bless and protect us all from the whispers of Shaytan and help my love for my husband grow only stronger. 

May ALLAH(swt) guide all of us sister who are in this situation and give us peace in our heart.  Help us love one another and avoid backbiting.

May ALLAH(swt) guide my husband to do whats right and pleasing to ALLAH(swt) and avoid fitnah at all costs....(including late night chit chats on the computer and text messages that drive me insane and make me sad)  LOL

May he find a good Muslimah that meets all his expectations and then exceeds them...InshaAllah.  I pray that this sister will be happy with my husband and appreciate the great man he truly is....Mashallah!

To all of my non Muslim readers, family and friends.  I pray you all find peace in your life as well.   I pray that you are all doing well and know that I cherish each and everyone of you.......

AMEEN!

Break

Salaam Everyone.....

I am taking a break from blogging.  I can't think straight right now.  I just dont want to keep my "online diary" going when people find the need to insult me.  I can understand consturctive critisism, but when you find the need to spew your hate, that is something I dont kneed in my life right now.

Sorry guys.  I am just tired of putting my life out in the open for the world to pick apart.  I thought this would be an outlet for me but I am too sensitive.  Dosen't matter if you block the Annoynomous or not, they still have a way of sneaking it.  My life is too volitile right now to continue.

Take care..... I just need a break

Hello? Remember me??

Not been a very good day.  I worked for 10 hours, came home and did 2 loads of laundy, dishes, made supper and mopped the floor.  Hubby was on the computer the entire time.  Even through dinner.  Then when we finished, he left with a friend.

I don't mean to complain about him its just been a crappy day.  Feeling like everyone is taking advantage of me and not giving me what I deserve in return. 

I am very sad and need to go to bed so this day goes away.  Going to make du'a so ALLAH helps me through this period of my life.

I am feeling very left out today.  

Me, The Office Boy and that stupid coffee machine!!

Salaam Everyone...

So, here is my "office boy" post of the day.  Exactly as the title of this post....Stupid Coffee machine!

Our coffee machine at work is identical as pictured here.  Its complex and the instructions are written in Dutch!  Every month or so it stopps working.  Flashes "De calc".....Ughhh

Anyways, the Receptionist usually takes this task and finishes it flawlessly...mashallah.  She is on vacation however this particualr day the machine decides to quit working.
That leaves the task to the office boy and me.  Good times!

Ok, so as you all know there is a language gap between Rajh and myself.  Now throw Dutch into the mix of things and it is a recipe for disaster!  What happened to a normal coffee maker?  Two scoops of coffee and add water...done.  Nooo, this one grinds the beans, makes cappucino, latte, strong, one cup, or two....sheesh!

Rajh and I have been working at this stupid thing all day when he looks at me and says.."Madame....no fixing trash"  LOL!!!  Meaning there is no fixing something that is trash.  Sooo true!! :)

Anyways, he figured out the instructions via the picture and somehow we managed to get it working for now.  Without his help I would have still been standing there looking at the "Dutch" instructions.. So I sent him on break with a thank you, a Coke and a little money for lunch...

Raj did good today.....I just wont ask him to clean the toilet...LOOOL

Am I getting too old??.....

Salaam Everyone....

So....Aunt Flo came by today.  She knows she isn't welcome but she insists on coming every month!  I remember a time yrs ago that I PRAYED she would come....Now I PRAY she stays away...

I am wondering to myself when should I stop?  We have been trying for a year now and nothing.  I know its "not that long" per say, but I will be 34 in a few weeks.  Is it too old for a baby?  Will this be something that I never experience?  This is a sad realization that I seem to be coming to terms with.

Am I set in my ways, would I even have enough patience for a baby?  Sometimes I wonder.  I was going to go to the Dr. today to discuss fertility but since Aunt Flo came by, I canceled.  I didn't reschedule.  Not sure if I will.

What do you think?  Am I getting to the stage to just be happy with what ALLAH has and will give me?  Should I pursue this issue?  Ughhhh.. So confused!

Needing some advice....

Job Requirements....

Salaam Everyone...

So, I have gotten a pretty nasty comment on my post about Rajh.  First off... I mean no disrespect when it comes to him.  I have my issues with his company putting him in an office that only speak Arabic and English, mean while, he doesn't know how to speak either one.  I have an issue with the fact that they push him into our office with no training, and make him stay there for 13 hours a day. 

My issue is not with him.

So, the comment came up when I mentioned my conversation with him to go get a Diet Coke for me.  I got 2 comments to go get them myself. 

We have an Office Boy.  His job is to do these things.  You mention his small wage and how his money goes home to support his family.  You are right, it does.  What would happen if we stopped asking him to make coffee for our guests, clean our office, get our papers, run errands and get us Diet Coke?  He would be without a job, that's what.  Then no money would go home to his family.  If you have an issue with what it is he has to do, then I am sorry.  It's his job.  He applied for the role of Office Boy.  That's what he is.  This is what he does.

Think of it this way.  Do you feel sorry for the Pizza Delivery guy that has to drive all the way to your house in the dark to give you your Pizza?  Poor guy....Why should he come if you can go get it your self?.....BECAUSE THAT IS HIS JOB.....  What about the mail man?  Poor guy, having to deliver mail to your house every day....rain, cold, sleet and snow.   Why should he do that when you could just go get the mail yourself?  BECAUSE THAT IS HIS JOB...  Why do I have to do power points, make excel sheets, deal with the Sharia Board?  Poor me.....I think the other executives can do this all on their own, and the Sharia Board?  They can pick them selves up from the airport.  Why would I do this??? BECAUSE ITS MY JOB...  Get my point.  We all have things we do in our job we dont like or have the attitude, "They can do it themselves"  But the reality is, if they did, we would be without a job.


My apologies to anyone if you feel I have "picked on Rajh" or somehow am less of a Muslim because I use this blog as my outlet from my day.  If I cant write in my "journal: ie blog, about my day....why have it?
I am an American living abroad in a new culture, new land.  This is all new for me.  Interacting with people from different countries that don't speak English is something I have to adapt to.  I never traveled out of the United States before moving here.  As my husband says, I and most Americans, live in a bubble.

I have said before I am no scholar, I am not "The example of a Muslim Woman" to emulate.  I am me.  I have good days and bad days.  This is my life.  If you don't like it, move on.  I have said this before..

I will still have my Rajh stories....they are funny.  They not only involve him, but they involve me.  It's comical at times to see us.  Some days my boss just sits back and laughs..  This is my life.  These are my experiences...  I will not apologise anymore for them.

****FYI... I dont just work so I wont be bored at the house.  Don't assume you know anothers life.  You know what they say when you "assume".... 

Salaam and may ALLAH forgive us all if we have done and said anything wrong...

My Struggle with Arabic.....

Salaam Everyone....

I just wanted to let you know that it isnt just my friend Rajh the Office Boy that struggles with language...it's me as well.  As I said in the comments before, "Now I know how my inlaws feel when I try to speak Arabic"  haha

So, where Rajh has to struggle with Arabic and English...my only issue is Arabic.  While I am sure he and i will have our "language issues" for a while, we are both going thru the same issue with the language gap being in a different country than our own.  We are "kindred souls" so to speak...haha   With that being said..... here you go....A couple of First Wife stories.....Enjoy

***Note to self....New Years Resolution... LEARN ARABIC!!  : )

When you are eating at with the family on Friday after Juma...the food is never ending.  My mother in law will keep adding more and more to your plate.  Mashallah!  Really....the 25lbs I put on is with the help of Friday lunches...hahaha

Mother in law..... Yallah! --------------------------------------------(this is the Arabic she speaks that I dont understand..)
Me:  La La....Shukran (No thank you)
Mother in law..Nam nam... (yes, yes) as she piles more on my plate...
Me:  Trying to remember what "I am full means in Arabic" I say, "Shamballa"....  They look at me like I am speaking Chinese
Me again:  Shamballa
At this point, I realize that I have gotten it wrong and they are all looking at me like...awww how cute...lol
To this day they wont tell me the real way to say it...hahah  So if anyone of you out there know, please fill me in... :)

Any suggestions??

Sallam Blogger world....

I was wondering if you could all send some good Islamic links to this blog?  I, as a new convert, as well as some other "nebies" that follow this blog would greatly appreciate it.

Send in some links to good info, good prayer learning, surah recitation...stuff like that.

Shukran!!

Thursday tales of The Office Boy

Soooooo  hahaha.  A couple of things today...

1)  Me:  Can you go bring me a Diet Coke?
    Office Boy:  (stares at me with a blank look)
     Me:  Diet Coke bring me yallah.

Now, this above task would consist of maybe 30 sec to a min.  About 5 min later, as I take a deep breath, I procede to the kitchen which is what I have should have done in the first place.  Gotten it myself.  I walk in to find him trying to light Bakhoor/Oud coal (charcoal) and has a cup of coffee ready to bring me.... ??????????????

     Me:  What are you doing?
     Office Boy:  (stares at me with a blank face)
     Me:  Stares back
     Office Boy:  Coal now?  Mafi olives so I make coffee and give u cookie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     Me:   Procedes to the fridge, grabs Diet Coke turns around and leaves.  Shuts my office door and          pretends to be deaf.

Coke= Coal           Yallah=Olives  Where the coffee and cookie come in to play I will never know.
Ok, I couldnt make this up if I tried.  I really only have a little patience and I cant aford to give it all to him....

God help me!  hahahaha

2)  Me:  Whats your mobile number?
     Office Boy:  Yes Madam
     Me:  Your number?
     Office Boy:  Yes mobile.
     Me:  (Praying for patience at this point)  I need the number
     Office Boy:  Here, ok use(hands me the phone)
     Me:   Letting out a "grunt" as I give up and walk away........

And I wonder why I am tired.....

So....As you know, I love my cats.  I had them in my "previous live" , 3 of them.  Now I have 2.  I have a persian mix and a turkesh.  They are cute, adorable and sweet......

The first one is male.  We adopted him.  We got our seconde one, the turkish, a few months later at only 5 weeks old... Mashallah!!  Soooo cute...
Then the Male decided he wanted to carry her around and try to mate her...Poor little thing.  So, he got fixed.

Now, almost a year later....the tables have turned.  Hahaha. I have a full grown female cat who is DRIVING ME NUTS!!  She was fine one day and now she is in full blown heat!! She wont leave the male cat alone, who in turn has no idea whats going on, and she meow's and howls  all night long...I wake up like a zombie.

A female cat in heat is enough to make you want to pull your hair out!!  Ughhh.... I am sooooo tired!! 

So, I call the vet today and they tell me I cant get her into  have her spayed and shaved(i have lost the battle with the cat hair) until next week!!  This is the only decent vet on the Island(British) the others I REFUSE to take a flea there...I took my older cat to one after we got him to get his ears cleaned and they wrapped him up in a towel and he looked like a burrito.  The began to dig so much in his ears they bleed.  He was screaming and I had to leave the room.  The next vet we took him to was to get snipped.  This is a couple hour procedure seeing as how he is a male cat.  It turned into a 6 day event because the Vet had to "leave the country" for some stupid reason.  It was a nightmere.  On the 6th day they said we could get him, they had JUST done the procedure.  He came out of his cage having lost half his body weight due to them not feeding him, him and his cat carrier were soaked in urine and he was still full of anesthesia.....So no, no local vet will ever touch my animals again.....Sheeesh!

So I have to wait another week and listen to the "howling at the moon"....I dont care how cute she it, I think she will sleep in a seperated section of the house at night...haha

Office Boy

Here in the Middle East we have office boys.  They are usually Indian and are not very "literate".  Some may know little Arabic and a little English.  They come here to work because there is nothing in their own Country for them.  They are paid slave wages if you ask me.  Our office boy is here 6 days a week from 6:30 am until 7pm.  He makes $238.00 a month.  Sad, I know. 

All they basically need to know is how to clean, make coffee and tea for guest and get copies from the machine.  Easy right?

Well, I have problems communicating with the "office boy"  We as Americans believe that if we enunciate our words and speak clearly, everyone can understand us....WRONG!!!

If I say, "Can you go to the Copy machine and bring me my copy?"  He looks at me like I am from a different planet...haha  But if I say, " Copy Machine paper"  he will know what I mean.  Basically, throw out all the English I have ever learned and speak like a 3 yr old. 

I commend them for what they do.  I however have no patience!!

I seem to have a new "office boy" story every day..haha  I will post them as I get them.  They are truly hilarious.....

Here is today's.....

"Rajh....Can you go clean the toilet?"..... Not even 1 minute later I hear the toilet flush.....WTH??  I leave my office to find him saying."Khalas....clean"  He flushed it....so it must be clean!!  LOL  ( I just walk away at at this point)

A survey about me

 

 

 

Here is a little survey that I got from a blogger friend.. Please copy and paste with your information... I think its fun

 

 

_______________________________________________________________ 

Name: Jean(middle name for the sake of non-dislosure) 

 Age: 33(34 in a month :(

 Location: Middle East

 Background: Norwegian

 Nationality: American

 

Married/Engaged? Married

 

Do you want to get married? Lets pray this one will be forever...
 

Kids? Inshallah one day..we are trying

Have you been to Hajj or Umrah? Not yet...waiting for visa to go thru

 

When did you first start fasting? Ramadan 2009

 

What's your usual outift like when you go out? Abaya and shayla and Niqaab

What do you like about blogging? It's my online diary, a nice way to vent and get advice

 

How do you pin your hijab? On the left side

 

What's something that annoys you at Jummah: Women letting their children run wild, I prefer to stay at home

 What was the last surah you read? (not recited in salah) Sura 110

 Do you brush your teeth for fajr salah? I rinse my mouth, I didnt think we could have a "taste" in our mouth for prayer, correct me if I am wrong..

Have you ever been part of an Islamic matrimonial site? No, my husband is though

 What color is the rug in the masjid you usually attend? Red, cream...

Have you ever washed a dead body before? I worked in a Nursing Home in my early 20's so yes, I have washed a dead body before

What's the weirdest thing that happened to you in salah? Children crawling on me(masajid) and my cat coughing up a hairball on my prayer rug why I was bowing...hard to keep concentrated during that....haha

What's something haram that you think most people don't know? Too much makeup outside of the home with out covering your face, perfume out of the house and plucking your eyebrows

 

What's the craziest hijabi fashion you've seen? A woman in  black niqaab wearing an open abaya with tight clothes  and heels....did I mention she was also wearing black gloves??  I have seen her x2 in the mall so I know it wasnt a "bad hijabi" day...haha

 

Favourite flower? Daisy

 

Heels or flats? Flats. Women shouldnt make noise when they walk...And I have a bad back, heels about put me in traction...haha

 

Do you drink energy drinks? No, but maybe I should...haha

Do you drink juice? Sometimes

 

Do you get mad easy? Yes... I have no patience.. I am working on that.

Any phobias? Snakes, frogs, lizards...any amphibian really.   Snakes for sure will send me into a full blown panic attact.

Do you bite your nails? Yes

Have you ever had a near death experience? A few time driving in the car with both the ex husband and my current husband... Men!

 

Do you drink coffee? Yep

 

Where is your cell phone? In my purse

What room are you in? living room.

Where did you grow up?  Mid West USA!  :)

Your friends? None really to speak of.  Left all my friends when I moved here ....Long story

Missing someone? My family and old friends

Your mood? irritated

Most embarrassing moment? Happend before I converted to Islam and consists of sneaking a cigarette behind a dumpster, thinking I was alone turned around to see a Maintance man standing there also sneaking a smoke.....use your imagination,  Embarasment cant even begin to desribe me at that very moment......haha

Christmas or No Christmas

Salaam Blooger World...

So I have a question for all my Revert Brothers and Sisters out there.  How do you handle Christmas?  Do you aknowlage it with your Christian Family?  Is there an exchange of cards or gifts on either end?

This is year number 2 with out Christmas for me.  Last year didnt bother me so much but I have to say this year I am missing it.  I never had a religious family therefore never a "Religious Christams".  Gifts and food, thats it.  I miss the festivities.  The baking cookies, Christmas music in the stores, trees and candles.  Family and friends .... Nothing like that here.

Do any of you incorporate it into your family?  I know its not the thing for us Muslims to partake in Kufar holidays but if it is our culture(american) and not religious, then is it ok?

I could use some advice here...I am new to all of this....

Thanks!!

Anonymous Free...

Salaam Blogger World....

I am now Anonymous Free.  Alhamdulliah....  If you want to leave a message on this blog, make yourself known.  If not, move a long. 

FYI.... This goes out to you, and you know who you are.  Get a life.  :)  I pray that you will not continue to harass others.  May God forgive you for your nasty comments.  Don't waste your time responding because this is the last attention you will get from me.  Do yourself a favor, find a new blog if you have such an issue with mine.  I, nor anyone else for that matter, are holding a gun to your head to be here.  This blog is mine, my feelings, my daily issues.  Go away.... 

Good Times....

Salaam everyone....

Just want to say I love you all for the sake of ALLAH (swt)........ Life is good. 

I want to thank Em Hamzah for the wonderful comment and the suggestion she made to me.  I appreciate that Sister.... :)

I wish everyone a wonderful day filled with love and happiness!!  YA ALLAH for you all!!

Now, off to watch my True Blood episodes.. haha  We are on a 6 day break from work for Muharram and National Day... LOVE IT!!  I am a night owl by nature so I am taking advantage of not going to sleep until the Sun comes up.... Maybe thats why I like this show so much...Vampires stay up all night too...hahaha....

I am hooked!!

Salaam Blooger World...

So, started to watch this show called True Blood.....I AM HOOKED!  I am now catching up on all the seasons on line begining with Season 1.  I never understood what all the hype was about until I actually sat down and watched a few episodes.....Its my new guilty pleasure....hehe

Hmmmmm.... Contentment and Misyar Marriage

Salaam Bloggers....

So, I had a wonderful chat with a friend tonight.  I have decided to move on and be happy.  I love my husbnad and I want to be happy. 

He mentioned to me the other day about a misyar marriage to this girl he knows out of the country......I AM ALL FOR IT!!!

He gets what he wants and I get some "me/spa" time every few months.!!!  And, I dont have to see her or know about her until I am ready and ALLAH guides us down that path...inshallah!

I told him to go.  Do it.  Get it over with already! 

What do you all think of Misyar marriages??  I am their #1 fan right now...haha

My ex husband...

Salaam World.....

Ok, so I have gotten a few questions about my past.  I guess I would be curious how a small town midwestern girl wound up in the Middle East.  While I wont go into a lot of detail, I will explain a bit of my life up until and during my past divorce.  I am only doing this because I dont want my ex husband to always get the "bad guy" card.  Even though circumstances do not allow my to conversate with him, I want people to know that he wasnt abusive with  me so on and so on.....

I was in my relationship for 17 years.  I met my ex when I was 15 yrs old!  Crazy I know... We married when I just turned 19.  I was one of your typical teenagers.....couldnt tell me NOTHING!  I was in love and thats all there is too it!

My parents left when I was still in school so him and I moved in together.  He was older than me by a couple of years but in no way were we ready to marry.   We didnt know nothing about nothing..haha.  Young and in love, we thought we could prove them all wrong.  And we did...for 13 yrs.

Problems quickly happened in our marriage.  When two people try to change one another, something is bound to go wrong.  He drank a lot.  Me, too young to go in the bars, I ate.  I put on 40lbs.  This of course didn't help things.  It just pushed him further away.  He wanted to hang out with the friends and I wanted him to be home.  Nothing new there.  Then the issue of children would come up.  I wanted, he didn't.  Again, we tried to change one another.  Doesn't work. 

Over the years, we drank, we fought, we cheated, .........we quit drinking, we quit fighting and we quit cheating.....but there was always an emptiness.  We learned to tolerate each other.  Became more friends than husband and wife.  The bills would pile up, medical expenses to the point of Bankruptcy.  Still, that didn't separate us.  What did us in was the gambling and the lack of "togetherness".  There was no love or tenderness in our marriage. 

Over the years, when you have nothing in common, you start to form your own life.  I worked , he worked and we lived our own lives.  The only thing we found we both enjoyed was gambling.  That of course didn't help with the paying the bills issue....haha

One thing I can say about him is he always pulled something out of his $%@@....  If we needed money, it was odd jobs, anything to make it thru.  During this time I began secretly learning about Islam.  My family at the time would have disowned me for sure!  I kept it to myself.  Sure, he was an asshole...but I was just as much as a bitch right back.  Things were unfair in the marriage but where does that get us pointing fingers.

We grew further and further apart.  We were best friends but you cant sustain a marriage on friendship.  We both wanted different things out of life.  I truly believe that us divorcing was the best thing for both of us. 

We separated, I moved out of the house and then filed for divorce the beginning of 2009.  On my birthday we filed the papers.

It was the saddest , yet most liberating day in my life.  I knew it had to be done and I was happy with us, that we had the strength to do it.  Saddest day because I lost a part of myself....17yrs felt like it was wasted.  I look back now and wouldn't change it for a million dollars.  I learned a lot.  Being with him made me who I am today.  Inshallah, he is happy too.

I only want the best for him.  Yeah, he can say I screwed him over, and I can say the same but where does that leave us?  I wish him the best out of life and we may not have been able to make it as husband and wife but that does not mean that ALLAH wanted bad for us....our life is a learning experience.

So I thank him.  For taking care of us when we had nothing.  I apologize for trying to change him all those years. 

I am not one of those spiteful ex wives... I don't speak bad about him, I just don't speak about him.  We both are at fault for the demise of the relationship.  I do believe that ALLAH had better things in store for both of us..... I have mine and I pray he does as well!!

My latest addiction......

Salaam Blogger World...

So some of the comments I have gotten have got me on the topic of Bakhhor....My latest addiction.  There are two actually.  Bakhoor and Oud. 

Bakhoor and Oud are an Arabic Incence.  You place it on hot charcoal and the smoke fills the room with an AMAZING smell!  I light it all the time!!  Love it and cant get enough of it.  My husband "feeds" my addiction by bringing me fresh supplies offten.  When he goes to the UAE for business he always brings back a ton....he found a place there that sells it cheap. 

We use it when guests come to the house and I will light it when we are getting ready to go out.  My husband will usually stand over it with his Thobe so the smoke will get into the fabric.  I know of some women that will put the smoke in their hair after they shower.  When we have big Sheiks or Shari'a Board memebers at work, we will like Oud to give the office that "Arabic" feel.

Fridays before and after Juma are a big time for me and Bakhoor....the house is a never ending smell of my favorite.....

its called Touch Me..... It smells soooooooo good!!

I took some back to the States for my family to try.  I dont think they appreciate the smell like we do here..haha.  My mother ended up using the Bakhoor holder as an ashtray....**Big Sigh*  They dont know what they are missing....

IRS.....ARE YOU FREAKIN SERIOUS???

Salaam Blogger world...

Ok here is the issue....In my divorce agreement, I am to pay off our back taxes.  So, in September of this year I send the last payment..  $2,500.00 PAID IN FULL LEAVE ME ALONE...HAHAH 

I am thinking all is right with the world.  Until today.  They return my check stating that the numbers dont match the amount...?????? What the????  It is in my currency and they "choose" not to send it to the bank.  I dont have an American Check book here and they wont take my CC because I am overseas.  So what to do?

Then she tells me here is your new "pay off balance"  tack on another $50 worth of intrest!  No way am I paying that.  I tell her she will have to come and get it from me, which I have no doubt they will, because I REFUSE to send them any more money when they wont accept the money I do send to them!

Idiots!  Here is a person PAYING OFF THEIR DEBT and you "decide" you dont want to wait the the 14 days it will take to clear the check?  Tell me, people wonder why America is going down the shit can????!!

So I ask her, how would you like me to pay this?  You wont accept any money I give you........Her genious answer to me????  Come to the US and get a money order to send to us!!!???  I told her I cant talk to stupid people and hung up..........

Sooooo, looks like I will have to pay Western Union fees on $2,500.00 to send to my family for them to send to the IRS.......Dumb Asses!

Another good reason to be out of that backward country.........

My Titanic Obsession

Salaam Blogger world...

So last night one of my all time favorite movies was on the tube.....TITANIC!!!  This is the first time, outside of the cinema, that I saw it on a Big Ass TV.....I was glued to my seat just like the last 100 time I saw it!!   It's been 13 years but I still hope that Jack lives.  I still hope that the boat will somehow turn and that my wishing it will change history....haha

My ex used to tell me, " Why do you watch it, you know the end"...lol  So true, but still, I saw it over and over again. 

And last nigh, I didnt move from the couch for the 3 hours the movie ran.  I could have been atacked by wild wildabeast's but still I sat.  And I still take a deep breath when they hit the water and curse out Rose when she wont share the stupid woden plank or her life jacket!!  haha...

So, I hardly doubt that anytime in the future I will pass this movie up.  I sincerely think that for the next 50 years every time it is on TV I will watch it.  I can only pray that on the 15th anniversary they bring it back to the Cinema and in 3D!!!

I will never let go.....I will never let go.. haha

Hugs and Facials...

Salaam Blogger World...

So my night ended pretty good last night.  Ended up going and getting an AMAZING facial with my sister in law!  Wow...thats another good perk of living in the Middle East...there are Spas everywhere and you can get just about everything done for a very good price....LOVE IT!!

Came home...and crawled into bed and the next thing I know is I am getting the Biggest bear hug in the world from my husband...ALHAMDULLIAH!!  I love his so much and just little things like this mean the world to me..  He told me he loves me so much and thinks of me all the time.  He never wants to see me sad and that we have one life and who knows what tomorrow will bring, so be happy!  He told me I am all his, there is no one else....so why be sad?

You know what?  He is right!

So my crappy day turned out good....No more polly pissy pants...(My ex husband used to call me that..haha)

The reason I turned down lunch

Salaam Blogger world...

Another post today...wowow...haha  I have a lot to say I guess.

Zain, here is my issue.  I do not like to go to my husbands family home for gatherings.  The thought makes my stomach turn and I start to get pissy.  It's not that I don't love my mother in law or his family, I do.  They are sweet and kind and have accepted me into their family.....Alhamdulillah!  My issue is this....SEGREGATION!  I can not stand it and will NEVER accept this aspect of Islam.  I cant understand why I can not eat with my husband.  Why must I remain fully covered (including niqaab) when I go there?  I will tell you.  His brother lives there with his wife and family.  I, and his wife, are not allowed to uncover in front of the brothers.  So, when I go there, I spend the day in my abaya, clothes under the abaya, under scarf hair cover, hijab and niqaab and black stockings.  To say the least, I am hot and uncomfortable.  Add to the fact that I do not speak fluent Arabic and that is what the conversation is.  So I understand bits and pieces.  The brothers in one room and the women and children in the other room.  Mind you, I am still fully covered.  I do get to lift up the niqaab while eating.......that's it.

I cant stand it.  This is where I have a hard time with culture vs religion.

I miss the way my old family life was.  We all sat at ONE TABLE.  Ate, laughed, played games and were not afraid to greet one another. 

So I said, "NO".  I do not want to go.  I would rather sit here and eat my "cup of noodles" and play pogo than sit wrapped up in my "tent" for the day.

The thing is, I had my day all planned out.  I was going to do a little shopping, go for lunch, hit up the salon and maybe catch a movie.  Doing this all by myself because I have no friends here, that's for another blog.  Anyway, as I was getting ready to leave he says to me, "My mom invited us over for lunch today."...Instantly I get this gnawing in my gut like I want to scream!  "Why do you tell me this an hour before we are supposed to be there?  I made plans today."  He says, "I don't know."  Uhhhhhhhggggghhh!!!  That's when I tell him NO and decide the hell with it, I am staying home.  Not in the mood for anything now. 

Why is it like this?  I miss my friends, my family.  Why are my choices to sit in my "tarp" for the day and be ignored while people are caring on a conversation that you don't understand, or spend the day shopping and lunch by myself??!  I was always an outgoing person, full of laughter and friends.  Always doing something.  I have nothing in common with these "spoiled princesses" here.    I just would rather be by myself.  At least if I talk, I understand the conversation...haha.  If I eat at home, I don't have to be uncomfortable.

Really, I am not sure where to go from here.  Do I want to live a life of being alone?  I cant expect my husband to "entertain" me all the time. God bless him, he needs to have a life other than his wife.  I love him dearly and I know I am not the greatest, most cheerful person to be around all the time. I remember when I met him he said to me, " I cant push my culture on you."  Naive me said, "No, it's ok.  I accept it and am willing to learn".......... 

And here I am.  Smack dab in the middle of "culture" and I am the saddest I have ever been.  Hearing the Azan from my window doesn't even bring me peace.

So all of this because of a lunch invitation.............................................go figure...

**(I would pay top dollar right now to have a pack of Marlboro's delivered to my house...hahah)

Happy New Year!!

As Salaam Alaikum  Wa Rahmatullah!!!

It is the first day of  Muharram  which indicates the new year on the Muslim Calender and a day off of work for me...( Another perk of living in the Middle East)  I sit here and wonder how our year will go.  All of us.  Will my husband start his new life with another wife, will I finally have the child I so desperately want, will my good blogger friends be blessed by ALLAH(swt) and the suffering of their hearts be healed?

Will I finally beat the urge to run to the store for a pack of Marlboro's when things get rough for me?  LOOOL

I make Du'a for all of us to find the peace and happiness in our life.  I pray that all of us can get along with one another, no backbiting.  I pray for us to follow the guidance of our Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) and the commands of ALLAH(swt) and that all of us pass thru the gate to Jannah when our time comes.  I pray for all of the Muslims in the world to find safety, shelter, food and comfort.  I pray that our brothers and sisters in Palestine are one day free from oppression and tyranny... Inshallah!!  AMEEN...

How do you think your year will go?

Calm before the storm????

Salaam Alaikum Blooger World....

So as I sit here on a slow day at the office, my mind is wandering...... there has been no recent talk of a Second wife.  My summer was consumed with the topic and now, nothing.  There was a potential in Las Vegas and then again in the country I am living in.  Nothing.  Things just kind of dropped out.  I even go on his "Muslim Dating Page" and the membership has expired???.....

Ok, one of two things....Done, or hiding it from me.  After my last "freak out" session, he informed me that it is too much for me so he will just stop talking about it with me.  That was a few months ago.  When I ask him now, he just says he isnt talking to anyone and is focusing on fixing up our house. 

Now, (my mind wanders again)  when he says fixing up the house I think again, one of two things...haha  Getting it ready for my future co-wife or finally listening to my nagging. 

I am confused here.  Should I worry or be happy?

Really...if he does do this....I think I will bounce.  I was ok with it at one time but now, not so much.  My feelings have changed and I know now that this isnt for me.  I wish him all the best, but this American girl will call it a day.  Who knows, I may think differently but right now, yeah....not for me!

Nicotine....ohh how I miss you some days!!

Salaam Blogger world...

Ok, I have to admit. Quitting Smoking was good for my health. I can breath, I dont cough and hack, my teeth are white again and me and my clothes dont smell.

But..................

Ohhh how I miss it somedays! I was addicted and I guess I always will be. I miss the taste after a meal...on a break...when I am stressed...Always I guess. They say it gets easier with time. In a way. On the other hand, I think of it every day. I quit cold turkey when I moved to the middle east and became a Muslim...Alhamdullilah. I had a little slip a yr ago for about a week then quit again.

The reason I bring this up is Shisha. In the middle east it is everywhere! My husband smoked it a lot when we were first married and then stoped when I told him it made me want to smoke. Well, last night he came home smelling like shisha.

Ughhh!!! Marlboro where are you??

Yeah I know the dangers. I know its good I quit but I smoked for almost 17 yrs. In the end I was at almost 3 packs a day!! So you see, it will take a lot more years for me to get this out of my system.

God help me!!

A must see for all Non Muslims....as well as all of us Muslims... :)

Fish anyone??

Salaam Blogger world!

So, for the past few weeks I have had ZERO energy.  I am tired, moody and my body feels as though I have been hit by a truck!  I blamed it initially on jet lag but we came back on the 18th of the month so I cant use that crutch anymore.  Maybe I am just lazy..haha

What to say about today?  Hmmmm.  Oh... some of the "cuisine" here in the middle east grosses me out!  The "bowl of brains" is hands down the most disgusting thing I have encountered here.  It was fed to me without my knowing.  Lets just say that when I hear," Just try it, close your eyes"  I run the other way!!  Another issue for me is fish.  Ok, lets just say that I am not the worlds biggest fish eater.  If it comes in a box and says Mrs. Paul's or Vandekemps, I will eat it.  Although here in the Middle East on this Island I call home, there is no such thing.  Fish is a big part of their diet here. 

I go to my husbands family home today after Juma prayer only to find about 75 large humor and some other little type fish, on the menu for lunch.  YUCK!  Fish....ok....but this???  Still fully intact.  Eyes, teeth, scales insides and tail.....barf, barf, triple barf!!  Thank god my husband made them aware that I will run for the hills if I am made to eat that...So my wonderfull mother in law made me some of her fabulous kufta and rice...yummmy!

So, we go to eat and I am oblivious to the scene of utter carnage that awaits me.  If you don't know, in the Arab world we eat on the floor.  Not directly, but on a rug with a plastic "table cloth" laid out.  (You will know why in a moment)  Silver wear is not often used.  They prefer to eat with their hands.  My husband says the food tastes better.  I for one will always request a gafsha(spoon).  LOOL

Within moments they dig into the fish.  Little kids as young as 4 are also in on the act.  Its really something to see.  They waste NO PART OF MEAT ON THIS FISH...MASHALLAH!!  What is left is the head and empty bony body.  And then there is me.....me and my meatballs, rice and SPOON!!!  haha

It really has been interesting learning about new cultures and ways of doing things.  Its nice to see that his family wastes NO food.  Nothing gets thrown out or goes to waste.

So, back to the plastic "table cloth".  All the fish carcass and other scraps get put on the floor on our "table".  Plates get scraped off on to this as well.  When we are finished, the maid comes in and just folds our "table" up and in the garbage it goes!  Love it!  Easy clean up.

Anyways, that was my day.  No drama and laid back.  Came home and played battleship with my husband and napped with him and my kitty Sassy......It's been a good day!!  Alhamdulliah!!

A little better

Salam blogger world...

So, I am better than I was earlier...Alhamdulillah!  I debated on taking down my post I wrote earlier but decided that I need to own how I feel.  That's how I felt then, khalas....I will leave it.  I came home to a big smile from my husband, 2 cats that run to the door to greet me.....how can I be angry or ungrateful?

I don't know what is going on with me really.  Obviously I am a bit depressed.  I am going to eat a little better, get some better sleep, hop back on the elliptical (may God help me) , get more sleep and give my notice at my AWFUL STRESSFUL HEADACHE OF A JOB!  Yep, I am quiting!  Khalas.. I am done as of Jan 1st.  It is not good for my mood or health so why stay?

I will take things moment by moment.  Right now day by day is too much....haha

Thankfull?

Salam Blogger world. 

As I sit here on Thanksgiving I wonder about my life.  I am feeling very cynical lately and crabby and moody.  My poor husband is getting the brunt of it.  It's almost like I am pushing him into another woman's arms.  Sabotaging our relationship in a way. 

I rarely smile anymore.  I find fault in everything.   My body literally hurts every second of the day.  I have put on 10 lbs cause I just don't give a shit anymore.  I force myself to do the dishes and attempt to keep the house at least livable.  I still get up every morning before him, iron and lay out his clothes, get us both ready to go to work for the day.   We leave at the same time in the morning, 7:45am.  He is home by 2:30 and I am home by 5:30pm....Yet I am the one who does everything....  Is this Fair???  I call bullshit!

I am tired, sore and angry.  I feel bad for him in a way because I am not the same person I was just a few months ago.  I have changed.  I even told him to go get a "haram relationship".  Means nothing to me.  I have no interest in "that" anyways.

I am not writing this for pity.  I just want people to realize what the topic of Polygyny can do to a person.  I am drained and spent.  I feel as if the thought of him even considering the idea has put a wedge between us.  Nothing will be the same.  Even though, at the moment, he is not actively searching...I am fully aware that this can happen at any time.

I am numb. 

ALLAH says that women are weak creatures.  We are made from a crooked bone, don't try to straighten us or we will break.  If this is so, then why does he "test" us with this?  If we are so fragile, then why does this "higher power" so blatantly want to hurt us by allowing men to live a double, triple or quadruple life?  Hypocrisy if you ask me.  Then again, I am beginning to think most religion is.

I love my husband.  I do.  He is loving and affectionate and always has sweet words for me.  But does this come at what cost?  Do we as women give up our own happiness for the sake of our husbands?  Why do I have to get up before him, iron his clothes and make sure he gets ready for work?  Does anyone do that for me?  How is he any more "entitled" than I?  I work longer hours than he does.

Again.  This is not my husbands issue.  So please don't comment that he is a bad guy...blah blah...He is good.  I am the one that is questioning life, roles and religion.  Right now I care squat about any of them.

People say pray......Yeah...I pray.  Pray...and I pray.  Where does that get me?  In the state I am in now?  Ha!  So much for that.  If this is what praying can do than you can keep it.

So...what are you thankful for?  Me...........for having the patience to make it thru the day without total destruction....

Still American????

Salaam Blogger world!  I am back...lol

It's been a while I know.  I just got back from my trip to the United States.  It went very well I am pleased to say.  My husband is glad he is back home safe and not in some "Muslim detainment camp" which he was very afraid of...haha  Poor guy...

Anyways...I think I am now in an Identity crisis.  I am struggling with my new found religion(Islam) on a day to day basis.  Too many of "do this, don't do that"    I hate to say it but I am in a period of extreme doubt.  It is really hard for me to separate religion with culture, especially here in the middle east.  While in the states I observed hijab at all times.  Baggy clothes and my hair was always covered.  As soon as the plane lands here in the Middle East, back on the abaya and niqab and the use of my "Muslim name". Hmm...sounds hypicritcal to me.

I am frustrated, confused and feel as if I have lost my identity.  Why is it so hard to be an American Muslim here in the Middle east?  Why is it ok to be this way one day but not the next?

There are too many rules and obligations I have to follow here.  I don't like it, and I am feeling as though I need to go find myself again.  Let my dear husband find his "trophy Muslim wife" that will allow him 4 wives and find happiness within myself again. 

I believe in Islam but I think the weight of the scale is not tipped in my direction.  It truly is a mans world here.  I want to be able to practice my religion and live my life at the same time!

I am torn between what my life was like before Islam.  Honestly.... I miss it.  Who am I now?  American or Arab?  When I went to the States I felt like I was home.  People were friendly, speaking to you..it was a nice change from the coldness I get here.

God help me and help us all...

To eat or not to eat...

Bismillah...

Salaam Blogger world.  I have been planning our trip to the States and the issue of halal food has been brought up with my husband.  He is concerned that some of our food will be mixed with something that has come in contact with pork.  Whether it be a frying pan, spoon...what ever it may be.  Any suggestions on how to deal with this?  The hotel we will be staying at has an omelet bar for example.  Would you think it be "ok" to ask them to wash the pan before they make ours?

See, I have been raised around pork my whole life.  I guess I am just not as "scared" of it as someone who has never been around it.  I know that eating it is haram but not to the extent of my husband who would prefer not to eat at all.

Hmmmm... this may be a tricky situation...

I had a moment...

Bismillah..



Salaam Blogger world...

So, obviously we all have days when nothing seems to go right.  Too much on our mind tends to make us...how do you say....FORGETFUL??  LOL

So I get to work this morning.  Grab my laptop, my purse and my bag and proceed to turn off my AC.  After I make what I believe is a thorough mental checklist, I open the door LOCK it and walk away.  On my way past the front of my car I hear the fan kick on.  Hmmmmm that's strange I say to myself.  I walk back to the door as I realize what I have just done.  I NOT ONLY LOCKED MY KEYS IN THE CAR BUT I LEFT IT RUNNING!!!!!

No spare key and the remote is dead.  Ughhhh..  So, I have to make the dreaded call to my husband and tell him the fantastic news.  He asks me why?  LOL  I said if I knew why I wouldn't have done it...LOL

So....after almost 2 hours of the car running (now minus some fuel) I have my key safe in hand.

Some days I wonder how I even function to get out of bed.....LOL

A pig hu?? LOL

Bismillah

Salaam Alaikum blogger world...


Ok...I have to laugh.  I just got a pretty nasty message by some one who is "assuming" they know my life and my husband....  They called him a pig for "allowing" me to work and that he is "using me until something better comes along"..

#1---My husband is far from a pig....He is handsome, caring, affectionate all the things I am taking that you lack.  He takes care of all matters pertaining to household expenses...ALHAMDULLILAH!

#2--- Allowing me to work?  Hmmm..  Lets see.  I am a strong American woman who has worked my whole life...Alhamdullilah!  My money is mine, according to the Laws of Islam.  My husband "allows" me to work because it makes me happy.  And the best among men are the ones that are good to their wives...

#3---As for using me until something better comes along....HAHAHAHAHAH  sooo funny!  Dear Sister or Brother ....  I AM THE BEST!  If taking care of my husband, my family and making all in my life happy makes me a doormat...then all I can say is thank you!  By being a "used" as you say, is going to get me into Jannah!  Inshallah!

So, for the avoidance of doubt....always remember....When you point one finger out, 3 are pointed right back at you!

And no need for you to pray that God opens MY eyes....they are wide open as I ask Allah (swt) to forgive you for judging another Muslim. and another human being period!...AMEEN!

Ohh and by the way...the only fool I see is someone who gives ignorant comments on others blogs......when I look in the mirror I see a beautiful and stong Muslimah....No fool.... Sorry.

I miss you America

Bismillah....

Salaam Alaikum everyone.  Since I am not sure when I will be traveling to my home country, I though I would give a little tribute to the Red White and Blue.

The things I love about you...

*Walmart....you will always be on the top of my list.  How are you?  Still rolling back prices?  God how I miss Equate brand Tylenol....

*Pumping my own gas....You would think just having to sit in your car while you get gas is nice...it is.  But pumping your own gas then going in and getting coffee and a donut when you check out is even better.

*Green grass...fresh air...Maybe it was growing up in the Midwest but nothing beats the smell of fresh cut grass and fresh clean air. 

*Saying hello to people....Ahhhh the good ol "Hello" when you walk into a store.  Not like that here.

* Having Americans actually working the counter at McDonald's or Chili's or cutting your hair, road construction...anywhere actually.  Here, it's all foreign people.  Picture this...A Filipino working at Macaroni Grill.....haha  so strange.

*Walgreen's....God, you could get just about anything in that store...

* Target....Love, Love, Love the clearance rack!!

* MacDonald's cheeseburger's and KFC chicken...sooooo not the same here....Yuck!

* People that actually know how to drive....Omg..here.. It is awful!  Google it..  I cant even begin to tell you how bad traffic and drivers are in the Middle East.  Scary

The flag.  I love to go to the US embassy because I know I am getting close when I see the flag flying in the distance.  It gives me a feeling of "home".  Some things we take for granted in our life.  Who would have thought that I would miss a flag?  I do.  I would give anything to see it now.....Inshallah.. Soon.